Thursday, December 31, 2015

Top 13 Anime I Will Never Recap

Hello again. I know I was planning on making my final post of the year my top 13 anime villain top and my first of next year my top 13 Pokémon villains; but the documents that had my lists went missing on my computer, and as such, will have to be delayed until I can track them down. You may see them further on down the line; possibly in a revised form. 


In the meantime; I thought I would do something for my 200th post that I've been meaning to for a while. I am compiling a list of anime that I simply refuse to recap on this blog. So, here are 13 I will never do recaps of for many reasons.


13. Space Dandy

In addition to being Cowboy Bebop's polar opposite in almost every way (and rightfully so); this series is off-the-wall hilarious. It's also very good; and I have no reason to do a recap something unless it's bad, subjective; or I can give a good-natured ribbing. From time to time; I do positive recaps, but my primary focus is giving negative criticism to show issues I have with a given work. Thankfully, Space Dandy proved to be a great addition to the new Toonami and perfect for Shinichiro Watanabe to sendup one of his more notable works. So, no need to worry about it, baby.



12. Any Goro Miyzaki film

Now here's a name that often gets tossed around. Goro Miyazaki; the son of famed director Hayao Miyazaki, is a highly polarizing figure in the community for his films. Notably, many are divided on his skill as a filmmaker beyond name recognition. Frankly, I don't consider the man or his movies to be as bad as folks say; and I do not wish to stir the pot by giving an opinion on something that will inevitably displease anyone who doesn't share this notion. I know there are a few that do; but all the same, I'd rather not risk it.

11. Zatch Bell/Gash Bell

Here's one that would rattle some cages if I looked at it. Not only did I never watch the anime due to its concept in initial run; I wound up disliking it as an adult when I tried watching it this year. Even so, it's actually one of the more popular anime of its type. It even got to the point where Mr. Enter did an Admirable Animation on "Kolulu" solely so he could do a review of an anime. Frankly, who am I to take that away from him? What could I gain from telling people their favorite anime is a piece of shit that's not worthy of being a coaster for my drink? I may have gone after pieces I dislike to prove a point before, and I will probably do so again; but doing this solely to bash the concept when so many others love it is just a cross I cannot bear. Sorry folks, this is one time where it's never gonna happen.

10. Any Hentai or Ecchi

Not only does it clash with my personal sensibilities, Google's content policies pretty much mean it's totally off the table. Anyone expecting me to do La Blue Girl or Strawberry Panic is pretty much out of luck, and I suggest they head elsewhere for that. It's the internet, I'm sure you'll find something.

9. Sgt. Frog or Shin Chan (Tie)

These are gag dubs that are intentionally silly; with the latter show even deliberately choosing episodes to dub based on what they can work with, and turning a somewhat off-kilter show into a vulgar bucket of laughs with more black comedy and pop culture references than a typical episode of South Park or Family Guy. I simply could not do the humor in these justice; because they are downright hilarious. Just go watch them sometime, and you'll see why.

8. Mistudomoe

In a similar case to the previous entry, the work is one I enjoy with humor and a style that I find incredibly funny. The only catalyst I would have is the fact that it didn't do well in Japan; which isn't sufficient enough when I laugh this hard at something.

7. Any "Super-deformed" Mecha series

Again, like with Zatch Bell; even if myself or others dislike the concept, I can't really do a recap unless I have more than that to work with. So for those possibly wanting me to do SD Gundam or MD Geist will have to look elsewhere.

6. Sonic The Hedgehog: The Movie (1999)

Let me make clear that I like this movie, and while there are elements that could irk some (such as the Blue Blur giving the finger to Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik; there really isn't enough I could put together to make something that I would want to write or you would want to read. It's also better than many live-action video game movies, which have a reputation for being horrible (though I admit Duncan Jones' planned "Warcraft" movie might be interesting. We'll see.).

5. Attack on Titan

This is one of many series that has gotten both huge praise and many detractors. I personally fall in the former camp; and I generally don't fall in the latter unless I find genuine fault in something like that. It's not like Code Geass R2, which I do plan on finishing, Popularity isn't enough reason for me to dislike something; as much as bad writing, voice acting or animation is. Believe me when I say I will finish what I started for R2, but you won't see me writing about one of my favorite dark fantasy anime in recent years.

4. Any version of Full Metal Alchemist

I like both the 2003 series and Brotherhood; and I am in the process of reading the manga. It's one of the series that helped cement my fandom, and I don't have much that I can work with; even with Edward's scoffing at his Napoleonic stature.

3. Broader Shojo series

This just isn't my field, guys. As a male, I tend to skew more towards the shonen (young man) crowd; with some dabbling in seinen (adult male) series as well. While there are few shojo (young woman) series I enjoy like Kimi ni Todoke; my Ouran recap made it clear that in addition to my faults with the story, I was in over my head. Barring more episodes of that or Sailor Moon; the wider range of shojo is simply an impenetrable maze. Sorry.

2. Any version of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure

While the concept is admittedly unique; the story is a bit confusing; and the fight scenes don't make a whole lot of sense to me. Plus, I haven't seen all that much of it; and it's a highly complex narrative. So, it would require more time and energy than I've had lately to do.

1. The 4Kids Version of One Piece

It's honestly a relic of just how bad some dubs can be. With the uncut and subbed versions now getting the recognition they deserve, I honestly have no need to give it further attention. When this was made, many others found it best not to beat a dead horse after Shaman King angered a lot of the moral guardians. Kahn thought, "wait a minute guys, I bet there's some good whipping left in that horse." These men of vision, who violated dead horses; went on to create this textbook example of how not to dub a series for the west. It even got the point where Eichiro Oda, the creator who normally has the same idealistic spirit as Luffy, pulled the rights from them on the grounds they made a mockery of his series. Furthering this was the fact that when Funimation licensed the show, Toei didn't forget the previous disaster and gave them free rein to make a dub that's truer to the original Japanese version; blood, booze and yelling "bastard!" abound. I still want to some positive recaps of character introduction episodes; but for now, I feel no reason to dig up memories that are best left forgotten.

Coming in 2016: More Top 13s! More Yo-Kai Watch! More Pokémon movies and material for the 20th anniversary! My final Mega Man NT Warrior recap! My first recap of a Yu-Gi-Oh spinoff series! All this and much more await! See you space cowboy! 

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