Recap: A Bride in the Forbidden Vermilion City

So, Spider-Man Homecoming was absolutely spectacular. While I had mixed feelings about how the Andrew Garfield films tried to Nolanize Spider-Man, I can definitely say the series is back on track; and is in good hands thanks to that agreement between Marvel and Sony (I will just deal with everything else after that as it comes). 

With this, my third and final bad mecha recap for now is my next Code Geass R2 recap. While I had originally planned to do this earlier in the year; a combination of current events outside this blog and computer problems prevented that from happening. However, now I’m finally ready after all this time, and boy howdy will there be a lot to talk about. Let’s open up “A Bride in the Forbidden Vermilion City,” and I only wish Lt. Surge were there to obliterate the idiocy from the place, baby. 

Once again, we open on a refresher not only on the events of the first season, but of this one up to this point as well! It still does very little to help actually explain the plot, and I regret that I had to kill my “previously on Code Geass R2” running gag because of that. 

Bottom line, the exile from the last episode has now taken place on the island of Horai; and now there’s an impending political marriage for the Empress of the Chinese federation. Sure is a whole Hell of a lot easier than having almost every episode take part in clumsy intro dumps. Side note: I have seen the teaser for the third season, and I will address the matter further later in this recap. I highly doubt I will change my mind about this season (barring any potential remasters), but I still have plenty to talk about. Also, Miss Lohmeyer, who was such a condescending xenophobe in the last episode? Yeah, she’s nowhere to be seen in this one, and I watched it more than once in order to write this recap! 

As for Tamaki mocking the High Eunuchs for not having junk (what are you, 12?), that kind of joke was funnier when Peter Venkman made it at Walter Peck’s expense.

So, the first major plot point in this episode is the Black Knights trying to determine their next move after the last episode; and Kallen once again dresses in a midriff-baring top, hot pants and Zettai Ryuki, even though Zero is in his full regalia. Honestly, guys, I want the fanservice, or at the very least this double standard towards it gone in R3. When a female character dresses like this without some kind of reason for it in the story or characterization, it’s not sexy; its distracting as all get out! Whenever someone like Rei or Yoko dresses like this, they usually have a reason for it that fits their character, not a throwaway image for a Pixiv board!

After a brief flashback to the Refrain scene a couple episodes back, Kallen then trips over a box and lands on top of Lelouch! God damn it, Taniguchi! If you’re trying to be titillating, you have failed! In fact, here is my friend Bruce Campbell’s rebuttal: “Swallow this!”

Then, the two exchange awkward romantic tension as CC apparently wants Tabasco sauce for her pizza. Anyone who’s disgusted by pineapple on their pizza: here is my rebuttal.

I will shoot your cat! "I don't have a cat." Then whose kitty litter did I just shit in?

Zero is then summoned to the Ikaruga (very underrated game, by the way), and we now get the episode’s plot a bit over a sixth of the way into the episode: the marriage will be between the Empress of the Chinese Federation and the Britannian Prince Odysseus. That paragraph still reads like gobbledygook no matter how much I read it, even with all the political bullshit that’s caused me to rewrite this recap. Jupiter Ascending wasn’t this convoluted!

Also, apparently the exile didn’t equate to the Black Knights being exonerated, but it also turns out that it’s a coup by Schneizel in an attempt to fix relations with the Chinese Federation! Again, disregarding any real-world embarrassments, it would have been nice to hear this before; but instead you gave us bad romance and jokes about Chinese spiced oil! In the first season, a twist like this might have meant something. Now, you’re just trying to surprise me as a viewer, and failing miserably.  

So, as Xingke tries to generate suspense, the ceremony will take place in the Forbidden Vermilion City; and somehow, what should be an exciting plot thread is instead generating more ennui than the Pokémon Go Festival! I can understand why people are upset, but I’m personally just getting used to the new mechanics while I wait for the Legendary Events to go live. 

Seriously, while people often express dislike for the Empress; I’m personally more disappointed that this episode’s premise is built on a couple that has less chemistry than Bella Swan and Edward Cullen! 

Bill Corbett: If you're old enough to ask to be changed, you're old enough to be potty trained!

It’s also shown that Suzaku is there, and even though he and the other Knights of Round are wearing their uniforms, apparently his date is wearing some kind of garish yellow cocktail dress when someone else says he’s found it! The plot, I hope.

No, it seems that another one of the Knights has mistaken a decoration for an entree. Usually, it’s the Code MENT version of Suzaku that eats anything that’s not nailed down and is the ineffectual buffoon. 

Of course, Lloyd has to come in to ask is fiancé if they’re still engaged. Kris Kringle, I want to see this character get killed off. Granted, I do have characters that annoy me in anime I like and ones I can get behind in anime I don’t; but this man is honestly one of the most insufferably unlikable characters I’ve dealt with in recent years. There are characters like Sterling Archer and Rick Sanchez that come off as abrasive, but at least they have some sympathetic qualities; misanthropy, narcissism and alcoholism be damned. I look forward to reading about his death in one of the manga spinoffs. 

Let's face it, Lou Dobbs is a better actor than this guy!

Another person at the party is even surprised that “Lloyd would show interest in anything human.” Have you met him? Ki Adi Mundi, I’m half convinced sometimes he’s even more mechanical than the Knightmare Frames they’re piloting! C3P0 has more emotional range than him!

Lloyd then suggests he’s growing up. No, you’re just burning out, like me in this late July heat. 

Schneizel, despite being a total idiot with a bad blond haircut; is also the Prime Minister! So, not a stretch, anymore. Odysseus then says that he never thought his younger brother “would be so steady in his choice of escorts.” There’s not a single word in that sentence that didn’t make me want to rip out your voice box and feed it to a pack of rabid wolves, your majesty.

I mean, my word, this whole episode has to be one of the most classist fantasies I’ve covered here; and I’ve seen Ouran High School Host Club. One of the things I enjoyed about Homecoming was how the Vulture was rendered: while still frightening, he proved to be a good update for the character. Rather than his comic characterization, he’s portrayed as a more disenchanted working man to contrast superpowered villains such as Loki or corrupt businessmen like Obadiah Stane. The circumstances being similar to Peter’s fueled the conflict between them. Here, I haven’t even gotten to the real meat of things and I’m already hoping someone spiked the champagne. Sorry about how I’m coming off, but it’s taken a while to rewrite this and stuff going on offline hasn’t helped.

Apparently, this marriage is also part of a land grab, but somehow, I can imagine any potential nobility won’t be worth the paper it’s signed on. In any other scenario, they’d be killed the moment they cease to be valuable, but nothing is what it seems in this day and age anymore.

Anyway, the Black Knights the decide to stop the wedding, even if it means a potential chaos at 10 minutes into this episode. Not even halfway through this crap. … Hey, I just remembered it’s the 20th anniversary of One Piece, so I think I’ll take a break before the banality makes my brain melt into a nutrient-rich slurry.

(Goes to watch One Piece, back in a few episodes)

We then get a flashback about Xingke’s past and his debt to the Empress for saving his life! Gee, I wonder if this will play into the plan to stop her wedding at all? Does a Pikachu eat ketchup? 

The flashback also has Xingke vowing to take the Empress outside the castle, as she’s seeing it as a prison. Never seen that before, unless I count all those Disney movies I saw when I was younger. 

So, of course, Zero and Kaguya crash the party! That’s nothing, wait till Lord Beerus shows up! … Yeah, I’m enjoying Dragon Ball Super so far. Almost done with the Battle of the Gods storyline, probably going to watch the Resurrection of F movie before I start that story arc. The Gold Frieza reminds me of one of those Burger King figures I used to have.

As for the scene with Milly and Nina on the balcony of the mansion: again, this potential for actual character development doesn’t really go anywhere, since the next 16 episodes do jack and squat with this plot thread. Also doesn’t help that the cocktail dresses they’re wearing leave very little to the imagination. Seriously, why do the male guests wear normal outfits; yet Milly’s cleavage window has me seeing the whole valley? She’s bordering on Faye Valentine levels! The Cowboy Bebop character, not the adult film actress. Don’t want to be more disgusted than is proper with this episode.

Nina then says that she hates “women who have no depth to them,” like Milly. Ironic, given how this anime has ones that are so shallow that I could stand in puddles of them and not get my shoes wet; and this marriage would probably turn out to be the phoniest one since the one between Kim Kardashian and Kanye West! 

It’s also revealed that Kaguya is being sold out as well to be executed! That in itself is stupid, especially when the Empress objects, but there’s an infamous part coming up, and it’s going to get even dumber!

It also turns out that Kaguya is Suzaku’s cousin, and while that may not be as big a can of worms as what they did in Sailor Moon a while ago (glad the uncut version and subs have rectified this somewhat); we’re getting to the biggest non-political reason it took so long for me to rewrite this recap. Don’t worry, I have something prepared after all this time.

While Zero distracts Schneizel with a game of chess, Xingke starts formulating a plan to whisk the Empress away from her wedding before she and Odysseus can tie the knot! Never heard this plan before either, unless I count every plan like this since The Graduate!

Now, we get to the infamous “checkmate” scene. As someone who has been in chess club when he was younger and occasionally plays with the chess app on my computer; allow me to paraphrase the older Han Solo: “That’s not how checkmate works!”

I mean, my word, with all the chess motifs in the series (even calling the episodes “turns,” no less); you’d think someone would have left this decision to someone who knew how the game worked or at the very least Googled the rules! 

Even worse, many people have tried to defend this scene by claiming it was an example of their “leadership.” In the words of Hermes Conrad: “That just raises further questions!”

I mean, the idea that it’s “leadership” isn’t a defense of the scene in my eyes. If anything, it’s an indictment of it. Zero is putting the Black Knights in unnecessary danger, and Schneizel is making the all too common political mistake of thinking he can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants to whoever he wants to do it to! However, if I may damn this scene with faint praise before Nina’s 19th nervous breakdown, while this anime is set in this time period; it was released in 2007 initially. That was a good decade before the whole “covfefe” gaffe.

So, the gesture of political marriage that provided the “plot” of this episode is effectively rendered moot; since we close on Xingke fulfilling an old promise and whisking her out of the city on her wedding day with Zero’s help! So, further thievery from The Graduate. Even worse, Schneizel comments that he did this after he “warned” him. You didn’t warn him, you goaded him. You taunted him; you pretentious dill weed.

“A Bride in the Forbidden Vermilion City” does not have the thrill of facing off against Lt. Surge, and is honestly the biggest sham of a wedding I’ve seen. Despite some relatively nice animation and fairly decent fights this time around; the storytelling and characterization are an absolute mess, which is par for the course in R2. I can’t even address the stinger with VV and Jeremiah; because it just reeks of trying to wring a reaction out of me from more twists instead of actual good plotting or character development. I would do my Robot Chicken joke, but it’s not worth it this time.

If the anime is going to be remastered, I submit that this episode will have to be extensively rewritten; especially given the real-world events that have transpired since then and the backlash towards the chess scene. As for R3: I just hope it’s good. I doubt I’ll be able to take back anything I’ve said about the series before or since, but if it manages to rectify the mistakes this season made, I will be fine. Next up are my next episode of Sonic X to get ready for Forces and Mania, and the Giratina movie in honor of Pokémon the Movie I Choose You. I’m also going to detox with some One Piece before I do. If you have seen Spider-Man Homecoming, good for you. If you haven’t: I definitely recommend it. It won’t kill your brain cells, and I am considering going again with my family soon. That will be all for now. Bang.