Recap: A Moon Star is Born

Hello again, and welcome to another installment of “From Humble Beginnings.” This time, I’m in a bit of a magical girl mood again after certain events have soured me getting off school for the summer and going to see my father. So, I have decided with the announcement of the new Sailor Moon Crystal on track for July 5, I shall recap the first episode of the original Sailor Moon.

Now there is a blast from the past. Even given my proclivity for Pokémon; Sailor Moon has the distinction of being the first anime series I ever watched; alongside Beast Wars on the former UPN affiliate where I used to live in California. I was 5, so by schoolyard standards; liking girls or anything related to them was not seen as acceptable. I am 22 now; and I can say I still have an admiration for Naoko Takeuchi’s revered series. I am watching the subs on Hulu, as more are added each Monday to lead up to the new series. There is much different, I will tell you that much; but I am looking at the infamous dub by Dic, now Media DHX. So, let’s open up “A Moon Star is Born.”

Right off the bat, we have a Star Wars-like opening crawl. I do concede it makes just a little sense, as this was among the first series to break out with an appeal in the vein of that space opera. As in: having a specific audience in mind, but appealing to everyone in some way. Just as well; not many would expect a whiny, klutzy, ditzy teenage girl as a hero anymore than they would expect a moisture farmer; a princess, a smuggler, a walking carpet, or an old wizard.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

It leads right into that massive ear worm of a theme song. It captures the tune of the Japanese theme nicely, even though I’m getting used to listening to that version; and Viz hasn’t subbed the lyrics. 

She is the one! Sailor Moon!

We get our title card; and it’s simple enough, white text on the moonlight sky.

Run, Usagi run, dig that hole, forget the sun...

We open on a faraway world known as the Nega Verse, where Queen Beryl is plotting inside her lair.

Those humans are so pitiful! The time to strike is now!

The guardians of the universe send a crystal in search of someone to defend them. 

Our hopes and dreams travel with you.

The crystal and others head to earth, showing the ones they have chosen as their champions.

We get our first one, Serena “Usagi” Tsukino; who is late for school that morning. I normally would break out “Smells Like Teen Spirit” for my ‘90s establishing music, but since this is female-oriented, I’m going a different route.

Do you even care about my gender of viewership?

With her belongings in hand, Serena hastily puts on her shoes and dashes out the door. 

Get up every morning at alarm clock's warning, take the 8:15 into the city!

She rescues a cat from some kids, and finds it adorable, as do I.

Kitty puss puss puss!

She takes the bandage off her head, but is unfazed by the cat.

We jump ahead a bit to lunch, where Serena is expressing desire for the new Sailor V video game. 

Of course, Ms. Haruna, their teacher, is not happy with Serena’s test score. 

If you could just keep a D average, yeah, that would be great.

Her friend Molly tries to console her as it suddenly turns into one of those corny dramas they had in those days. Yet, these folks are actually more realistically written as teenagers; even when taking in Andy Heyward’s contributions to their lingo. 

I don't want to wait for our lives to be over!

Then, in comes Melvin. The way he’s presented is akin to a typical anime nerd, with messy hair, glasses, buttoned-up clothes, and I should probably shut up now, shouldn’t I?

I will be your stereotypical tweedy nerd for this anime!

He then points out his own test results, which are in the A range. Even so, his parents pressure him in a way that is typical of the Japanese school system; for perfection, or nothing.

Serena opts to go to the mall for ice cream before facing her family about her grade. Oh, those days before eBay and Amazon.

Orange Julius and Cinnabon!

She then starts fantasizing about the people there.

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream...

Melvin, of course, realizes he’s out of his element.

Uh, I need to go defragment my hard drive!

We get some more shots of Queen Beryl’s lair, which is very unsettling and interesting from a visual standpoint.

Wow, the old doll factory cleaned up nicely!

Beryl’s faithful subordinate, Jedite, is then sent to get more energy for the Nega Verse. I know the way Jedite presents himself is obvious, but since I already addressed that aspect in my recap of “Dawn of a Miserable Morning,” I shall move on.

I shall do thy bidding, my queen.

One of the stops Serena and Molly make is at the jewelry store, where a massive sale is going on. Let the music illustrate the situation like so. 

Oh, girls just wanna have fun!

The first of many threats from the Nega Verse is in disguise, enacting her plans.

Those fools! Not only did I not validate their parking, I punctured their tires! They're going nowhere!

Jedite observes the situation, and has this look in his eyes.

You don't look well, my love. You look a bit green.

The minion decides to put her plan into action.

Attention, K-Mart shoppers, there's a sale on death in aisle 4!

Serena is ever oblivious to the inherent danger. 

There's a sale on cake? Two for 4?

This plays right into the minion’s plans.

Gonna run out of cake at this point.

There is a massive sale on diamonds for-are you ready for this?-$10! When I watched the Japanese version, the price was 3000 yen, which is around $30 at current conversion rates. Even so, the economy was really good in the ‘90s! I am also coming into some funds that I shall make use of with some Sailor Moon Figuarts (while those dolls were very out of reach for a person like me in those days; with me following the rules of Pokémon cards, Transmetal Megatron figures, and Qui-Gon Jinn lightsabers, I really don’t think people are going to care at my age; if I’m confident enough to spend $40 on each individual Sailor Senshi amid the D-Arts Mewtwo, Gallantmon, Monster Arts Godzilla, and all sorts of Super Sentai and Kamen Rider heroes).

Serena and Molly exit the mall, with them saying they’ll see each other tomorrow.

Ever get the feeling you're being watched? Not just by little girls either?

Of course, Serena is still sore about her poor test score. 

I'm worthless! Nobody will wan to be with a nincompoop like me!

She throws the test, which hits Darien in the head. This is a recurring theme in the early episodes; where Serena and Darien share thinly-veiled sexual tension. Unlike Ouran, however, I can more easily relate to Serena and Darien than I can Haruhi and the Host Club.

Don't throw your garbage at me!

Also, his pet name for Serena is “Donut-head,” which is a rough translation of “Odango” from the Japanese version; both in reference to Serena’s hairstyle.

She sees the Sailor V game at the store, and this is a way of integrating Takeuchi’s previous work of the same name into this series. I’m looking into that one. 

Greetings, starfighter! You have been selected to take on Xur and the Kodan armada!

Serena then ponders whether or not to play the game or face the music of her bad grade.

$60 is a bit even if the game sucks! I felt ripped off seeing The Amazing Spider-Man 2, and that was just $10!

The cat, Luna, then follows Serena home. The crystal could have chosen anyone; a police officer, or a member of the Special Defense Force; but it chose a rare female example of the idiot hero. One reason why these heroes are so common at a young age is that children and teenagers are the ones that will inherit the earth; and as such, they are the ones chosen to protect that inheritance. 

I've seen good in them. We were once like them, so many mistakes.

Serena comes home, and tells about her day when asked.

Oh, the usual, Molly tried to order the shoe lockers at lunch!

She then grudgingly hands over the test, while stewing about Melvin’s success.

How dare that tweed succeed with academia! Why can't he write the answers in his clothes, like that Soul kid?

Her mother is clearly not happy with the score, looking like she’s going to paint Serena’s back porch red with that spatula.

Care to explain this test score, and why it's worse than your Xbox Live gamerscore?

Serena then braces for her punishment, which is different depending on which version you watch. I will just leave that part to your imagination as I move on.

Um, internet?

Of course, the plan is in action at the jewelry store. It apparently involves Sy Snootles here showboating.

TOO KEY DAY! NO NO NO! LOUDER!

Of course, Molly comes in right when the Nega Verse is working a number 6 on the place.

Well, that's the end of those shorts!

Serena is getting some rest after an apparent earful from her family.

Hey Kool Thing, come here. Sit down beside me.

She then hears something from the window.

Are you gonna liberate us girls from male white corporate oppression?

Luna has entered her room, and addresses Serena.

Your sleep talk is every bit as juicy as what I heard outside the Anarchy sisters' place, and that was really filthy!

Serena turns blue in the face at how Luna can talk, and knows all about her.

You heard my grown-up dreams? That WASN'T sweat in my PJs? Excuse me, I need a shower, then we'll talk.

Luna then gives Serena her duty as a protector of earth.

You will give the people of earth an ideal to strive towards.

Serena then falls asleep as Luna tries to wake her up.

Wake up! I'm trying to recruit a superheroine here!

Luna then gives her the broach she needs to transform into Sailor Moon when needed.

Can I eat this?

It just needs a way to be activated.

It's morphin' time? Showtime Synergy? For the honor of Grayskull?

Luna then just tells her the phrase.

Moon Prism Power, you daft girl!

Now, the time has come for the transformation sequence.

And so, my admiration for women in leading roles began.

As for the obvious things: 1. It’s not underwear, it’s a unitard as the first piece. 2. I liked the piece an associate of mine did on this anime. 3. It’s something every male viewer has gone through at some point. With this in mind, I just think of this in case the feeling comes.

Even so, Serena is not sure about this whole thing.

No, no, no, no! I don't like this outfit!

Luna reassures her about the costume, even if it makes the lyrics to the Barenaked Ladies “One Week” make sense. Particularly the part about the “anime babes that make me think the wrong things.” 

Don't worry. It's low enough to get by standards and practices on both sides of the Pacific.

Serena then has a much better second impression.

Really? Glad you knew my colors then! And these boots are the best!

Back at the mall, Molly is being throttled by the monster of the week! Surprising, given how most of the more violent scenes were cut.

Why you little?! (gagging)

The face of nightmares is made that shows up in the opening. Toei was really proud of this transformation, so I imagine that’s why.

Now, my little princess, you shall become one with the Nega Verse!

Sailor Moon then enters the store to take on the monster!

Hey! This isn't the Dairy Queen!

The monster, not impressed, sends the customers after her!

Sailor Moon is confused by this setup, as it were. 

What the? Did I drink that milk after its sell-by date again?

Her first fight is not what she was hoping for, and despite painting out most of the injuries, they actually did leave a little blood on her knees. 

Frak! I never thought it would be so hard to fight in heels!

She is absolutely disgusted by her first time out.

Aw, sick!

Then, a rose comes from the balcony as a way to motivate her!

This Tuxedo Mask, Sailor Moon’s key partner, and friend.

How dare you tamper with my love, villainous cur!

Now, Sailor Moon uses her trademark finisher, the Moon Crescent.

Sonic boom!

The next day, Molly is gushing about the experience she had.

I had this crazy dream I was in a mall full of undead creatures!

Serena, on the other hand, is exhausted.

Now, comes one of the most obvious contributions to the dub, the “Sailor Says” segments, not to dissimilar to the “Sonic Says” segments on Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog from the same company.  These were essentially little bits tacked on to give the viewers advice. While the intention was noble, as with the Sonic Says, they didn’t make sense when applied to situations outside the work; and often veered into Space Whale Aesop territory. For example, the episode this recap is based on had a message of good grades applied after a fight with the Nega Verse. Many people have mocked them, so I shall offer my take as such.

Remember kids, stay in school, and you'll be able to get the strength to take on demonic monsters!

So, that’s “A Moon Star is Born,” and it definitely has aged. While it’s less apparent in the Japanese version, the dub is like a tone poem of ‘90s cheese. The animation is also as old as I am, but the story and characterization, which are what is key in any series I enjoy; still remain good. I shall be watching more of the Japanese version to get ready for Sailor Moon Crystal; and given the teaser, I can say the Sailor Senshi still have a place in an age of Puella Magi and Kill la Kill. Next time, however; will be something I’ve been wanting to do for a whole year. Next time: I shall recap the feature-length pilot of Transformers Armada to celebrate the release of Transformers: Age of Extinction. You should see it up by the time I’m at my father’s.