Recap: A Perfect Match

Hello again. It's Bakugan time again. This makes it Bakugan recap number four. It's

such a perplexing series. It's undeniably bad, but for some reason, we always wanted to watch

it. We are fully aware that it's a vehicle for a trading card game and trading figure game, and

borrows heavily from other series of its type.

The series does have fans that genuinely like it, but I have made it a point that it could

be more than what it settles for. Simply making it a kid's anime does not excuse it from laziness,

when it could be a far more memorable series than merely a composite of Pokémon, Digimon,

and Yu-Gi-Oh.

So, why do I find it so bad? That is the question that Bocaj Nosirrah raised. I find it bad

that it has to resort to the obvious ways of selling toys. I find it bad that the makers of the

anime simply use the fact that it's for children as an excuse to not try. I find it bad that TMS,

a studio that provided some of the best animation in the industry, is using lackluster animation;

especially since the first season came out the same year as Gurren Lagann.

Let's just dispense with the pleasantries, and I shall get started on Bakugan recap 4,

“A Perfect Match.”

The opening has not changed a bit. Same intro, same grungy theme song, same block

text title card. This does not bode well.

We open in Australia.  As much as they cut corners on the animation, I admit the design of the gorge where this episode starts off is actually quite nice. It would be good as a painting or a photograph.

This is Ash. I mean Ash. I mean Ash. I mean Billy! I have attached an image showing

the similarities between the two characters. We're in trouble already.

Billy chastises his friend Julie for not having a talking Bakugan. The Bakugan's name

is Cycloid. Wasn't that a Go-Bot?

Billy continues to talk down to Julie about not having a talking Bakugan. After all,

they are available at your local toy and game outlet.

So, at roughly 4 minutes in, we get our first battle, and once again, we go into bullet

time as well as the Star Gate.

Billy unleashes a wolf Bakugan called Hynoid. He also addresses Julie as a Baku-babe.

Julie's reaction to this is to dance a little and summon her own Bakugan, Battloid, another brown

snake. I've been having these weird Stevia-based sodas while taking the notes for this recap,

and they kept me awake due to the battle-not because they had caffeine, but because they

more or less tasted like window cleaning fluid.

We also discover that Julie is not above insulting a friend she's had since childhood.

I don't know about you, but when I have a friend since childhood, I generally like to stay on

speaking terms with them. Another weird thing is that Billy's chin seems to have grown

tremendously. It's like the offspring of Jay Leno and Bruce Campbell.  

The battle continues, and I still can't figure out the logic behind the Gs. I'm solid with

Pokémon types (even if they don't always make sense, like Psychic over Grass), monster,

spell, and trap cards in Yu-Gi-Oh, and even though I've never officially played Magic the

Gathering; I've grown to respect it since coming of age. Still, I cannot fathom the system

of Bakugan. Element types I can figure out, but they never explain how the Gs work at all.

Julie summons another Bakugan to the field, a mastodon-like creature called Tuskor.

It's Morphin' Time! Mastodon!

Billy replies by summoning Cycloid to the field. For some reason, the animators

decide to have his hat fly off when he summons a Bakugan a certain way. There's no real

logic behind it. At least when other anime do it, they set it up. They can't just do it randomly

and expect people to laugh.

Then, Cycloid makes his hand grow and smashes Julie's Gate Card into pixie dust.

Billy then orders Cycloid to attack Tuskor, and “give him a love tap.” Why do I find that dirty?

Julie then summons her last Bakugan, a Sphinx called Minion. I much prefer the little

yellow lab workers.

Billy summons Cycloid again, and once again, his hat flies off. I don't get why that happens. When other anime do that, it's funny. Billy wins the battle; and continues to belittle

Julie for not having a talking Bakugan. You're really not helping your case, anime.

Billy remarks that he got his Cycloid in Bakugan Valley. Wait. There's a Bakugan Valley?

I suppose it's near Pokémon Park, Digimon Island, or Yu-Gi-Oh Peninsula! He goes on to say

he just found Cycloid lying there in the valley. That's not something to be impressed by.

If you just find a toy lying on the ground, you can go ahead and take it.

Back at home, Julie goes on Chat Roulette to take out her frustrations. She confers with

Dan, Runo, Marucho, and Alice. Julie claims she does not need a talking Bakugan to make her

happy. When did this turn into Degrassi?  

She calls Billy a “loudmouth.” I think he acted more like a douche for someone who's

supposed to be a childhood friend. Dan confides in Drago, Runo in Tigrera, and Marucho in

Preyas. All these talking Bakugan do not make Julie feel any better. I think this angsting requires

a song.  

Julie looks at a toy horse and cowboy that Billy gave her when she was younger. The

flashbacks in this episode remind me of Myself Yourself. Listen, if you want to make Myself

Yourself season 2, make Myself Yourself season 2.

The next day, Julie goes into Bakugan Valley to search for her perfect match, if you'll

pardon the title drop. All that happens is that she tumbles down a hill, gets swarmed by scorpions

and bats, and constantly repeats the word “icky”, which I'm sure no 13-year-old girl uses.

You think darkness is your ally? I was raised in it! The darkness betrays you.

We then get our ad bumpers for the episode. One is a case of fan service for the fathers

and older boys watching, the other is a spoiler.  

Julie returns home, and she now feels even worse about not having a talking Bakugan.

Look, there's only so much of this a child can take. They seem to be going out of their way

to make Julie into a stereotypical teenage girl, complete with her being a total drama queen.

She actually cries to herself about not having a talking Bakugan. Oh, knock it off.

It will pass. Remember Tamagotchi and Furby? I sold the former, and I know a guy whose father got sick of the latter and ripped the batteries out of it. (Note: I am aware that Furby is

planned to be put back on the market this holiday season. May God help us all.)

Just then, a talking Bakugan hears Julie's pleas as he appears in her bookshelf. For some

reason, he sounds like a combination of Brad Garrett and Bluto.

The Bakugan introduces himself as Gorem. Standard. Julie promptly begins fawning over him like when girls found out Robert Pattinson is single again.

The next day, Julie again meets with Billy. Also, they're reusing animation again.

Why does it look like this? Pokémon isn't this blatant about it; and when you look at a series

like Bleach or One Piece, it looks good! It looks almost theatrical!

Julie then proclaims to Billy that the situation will be different this time, because she

now has a talking Bakugan.

And so can you! Run out to the toy store and get yours! Yoko commands you!

Billy and Julie have another battle, and once again, it goes into bullet time. Why

are we showing a tumbleweed in bullet time? For that matter, why is there a tumbleweed in

Australia?

The first Bakugan is summoned, Wormquake. Wormquake is then quickly dispatched.

I can't believe this dreck. Here's another song for this occasion.

As Billy summons his Bakugan, his hat once again flies off. The continuity is awful

too. It's back on in the next shot even though we didn't see him put it back on.

Julie then has an over the top reaction, a standard feature of most anime of its type.

Gorem then tells Julie it's time to put him in. Put him in, Julie! It can't be as bad as when you

threw your cousin's Transformers in!

So, Julie gets ready to finally summon Gorem. For some reason, this makes her glow

red as she kicks up her heel, as if this turned into reruns of Jem.

Jem! Jem is excitement! Ooh, Jem! Jem is adventure!

Gorem shows his power by bonking Billy's Bakugan on the head. OK. So, that's Gorem.

He powers up even further to combat Billy.

I HAVE THE POWER!

Cycloid comes back onto the field, and attacks again! My god, anime! Quit dragging

this shit out!

Cycloid's hammer breaks, and Gorem finishes the match with one punch. And there

was much rejoicing. (Yay.)

Back at home, Julie shows her friends Gorem. Look at how little he is! There is more

shilling and Jar Jar Binks behavior from Preyas, and the episode ends. So that's Gorem.

My word, this was awful. About that question Bocaj Nosirrah raised, I started this

blog to say that people who make anime shouldn't have to resort to clichés and

plagiarism, when far more memorable series could be made instead.

True to being the fourth Bakugan recap, “A Perfect Match” is definitely the worst

of the four episodes I've recapped here. I am not doing any more recaps of the original

series. Next time I do a Bakugan recap, I'm moving on to New Vestroia.

I also notice that September is coming, so I think I'll make all the recaps for that month

of one series. I won't say which one yet. Let's just say it's an anime I have a deep personal

hatred for. Steven out.

Recap: Gray and the Blues

Hello again. As you all know, I'm not a fan of the Bakugan series of anime. I have

spent all four years it's been in existence disliking it, and a year of that mocking it. The

animation is not very good, the writing is tired and cliché, and the characters are as flat

as an open can of Mountain Dew Voltage.

Even with that on the table, this was not the first attempt to make a series of its kind.

Before that, there was a series called B-Daman, which was created to sell a series of toy robots

that fired marbles at each other. Though the series had been around in Japan since 1993, the

success of Beyblade convinced Hasbro to buy the US rights from Takara in 2004, with the third

anime based on the series, Battle B-Daman, being dubbed for English-speaking audiences in

2005. As it turns out, the toys were prone to breaking, given a design flaw in many molds

and shoddily-made parts, and the brand did not do as well as Hasbro hoped. The anime was

also not the biggest hit, as its US run was canceled after the first season due to poor ratings

(though the second season did air in Canada on the popular Teletoon block).

As time passed, however, the series began circulating online and it gained an affectionate fanbase who enjoyed the bizarre nature of the dub; as it was discovered that

the same people behind the dub of the first three seasons of Digimon produced it. Unlike

Duel Masters, B-Daman actually managed to do the gag dub justice by taking the

ridiculousness of the concept and running with it.

Even so, the series is as silly as all get-out; as you'd very well expect a series about

robots that shoot marbles to be. So, I'm going to do a recap of an episode out of context to

give you an idea about how strange it is. I have chosen “The Gray and The Blues” as my

target. So, let's open this one up.

Rather than a cold opening as we've been getting with most of the anime I've recapped,

we get right on with the theme song. As with Ouran and Dinosaur King, this is the first time

I've listened to the theme song. What do I think? Well, the tune isn't half bad, and the opening

does a good job of showcasing the action and the unusual characters of the show.

We open on a group of cats recapping the events of the previous episode on their TV.

Our male lead, Yamato, and his cohorts Gray and Bull went to a glacier in the mountains in

order to find a new B-Daman, Chrome Zephyr. They were then confronted by Wen and Lee,

two members of a group called the Shadow Alliance. You know, you're just destined for evil

when you enlist in a group called that.

Why are cats telling us about this? It turns out that Yamato was raised by cats until

he was adopted by a kindly woman. As such, a group of cats and their mother, a blue cat

inform us of all the “previously-on” hijinks.  

We then get our title card, with white text against a sepia-toned map of what is known

as B-Da World. I will provide the music for this type of title card, though you're on your own

if you want it to burn up.

Back with our heroes, the glacier appears to be lashing out at them; as it wants Yamato,

Bull, and Gray dead.

Watch out! They're going to get stabbed by the Paramount logo!

Wen and Lee get back at them, and fuse their B-Daman together into a single, more

powerful B-Daman, Bakkurikuso. Only $12.99! Available at most toy and hobby outlets!

Wonder Twin Powers Activate!
Form of- a mecha that shoots tiny balls!

We then see a true oddity- an ion storm occurs. That's right, an ion storm in a glacier.

If that's not enough, we go into flashbacks of how Yamato met Gray.

Take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty, oh won't you please take me home?

Throughout the flashbacks, we see that Yamato is kind of weird. I would expect this

of him being raised by cats. I also find it odd that the show that preceded Bakugan has

better animation than Bakugan. Then, just as the flashbacks end, we see another cat;

who is presumably the leader of the Shadow Alliance.

You seek the Kwisatz Hedarach?

Yamato is very outgoing from being raised by cats. I mean, he looks like one, acts like

one, has the playful spirit of one...

The battle begins as Wen and Lee use Bakkurikuso to attack Yamato. Yamato realizes

his own robot, Cobalt Blade, might not have the firepower he needs. He then dodges all the

marbles shot at him by skating on the ice. And so, figure skater Yamato has worked the

projectiles being shot at him into his routine.

Well, you cats saved me the trouble of finding another clip.

The blue cat then exposits a bit more about Yamato's situation as we go to our first

commercial break.

When we return, we see Wen and Lee making fire tornadoes to attack Yamato, as well

as use o-fuda to block any counterattacks Yamato makes.

Yamato then asks Bull to help him, as well as asking for a cupcake. Bull complies with

the cupcake, then takes his hood down. A strange thing that happens when Bull takes his hood

down is this: he loses the chibi expression he has with it up, and grows far more confident;

as well as aging 10 years with a more serious face.

Bull produces an add-on for Cobalt Blade-the Wide Server. Only $8.99! Get yours

today! Gray then asks what they intend to do with this. Good question, Gray.

Dare! Dare to believe you can survive! You hold the future in your hand! Dare! Dare to keep all your dreams alive! It's time to take a stand! You can win if you dare!

Yamato then engages Wen in a B-Da Battle. The marbles come by twos and fours,

both players going at each other for the prize.

You've got the touch! You've got the power! Yeah!

The ice finally breaks on the mountain, and Wen and Lee attempt to take Chrome

Zephyr. That's not a good idea, buddy, I heard of guys who got murdered for PlayStation 2

systems back in the day.

Wen and Lee grab Chrome Zephyr. What dirty bastards! They then attempt to return it

to Gray. Wait. Do they want Chrome Zephyr, or don't they?

As if that's not enough, Wen and Lee go after Cobalt Blade. Now I'm reminded of those

incidents where people got stabbed over Cabbage Patch Kids and beaten up over Power Rangers action figures.

We then get Gray's backstory, which reveals he joined the Shadow Alliance in order to

help his younger sister, Rhianna. I shall set the mood here. 

Wow. I've been making a lot of Transformers: The Movie references in this recap.

Anyway, Yamato challenges Gray to a B-Da battle, possibly a fight, but Gray just leaves,

saying he's not going to hold back next time. Well, that was anticlimactic.

“Gray and the Blues” is a good episode to show case how silly B-Daman is. Peculiar

how a series that is well-known for having a gag dub I hated, but a series that I just watched

on a whim I actually found amusing. In a way, it was a good breather from the recap

of “Playing With a Full Deck,” and for the next one I do. As much as I like this show and hate

Bakugan, I'm doing another Bakugan recap next time. If I remember, it's number four, which

is a bad omen; as anyone who teaches you about Japanese culture can tell you. Especially given

the episode I chose.

One more thing: I'm not starting the next recap just yet. I may be getting a job writing

for a local newspaper, so I'm going to wait to see if any of the pieces I sent get printed, as well as write a few more. On top of that, school is starting again, and I need to register for classes;

buy some new clothes, buy supplies, all that good stuff. So, I bid you farewell with one more

Transformers: The Movie song, and another Weird Al song at that.