Recap: The Fires of a Red-Hot Reunion

Greetings everyone! Happy 20th anniversary of Pokémon! It’s been a wild ride since I put up my recap of “Love, Petalburg Style” four years ago; and since I first got into the series when I was living in California. Much has happened since then, and much more is planned for the landmark 20th anniversary! So, with my 20th anniversary New 3DS by my side; I thought I would do an episode that shows how far we’ve come, but never forgets where we started. Let’s open up “The Fires of a Red-Hot Reunion” and celebrate!

We open on the Unova Region’s Kanto Fair; where Ash, much like me, has a nostalgic feeling in the air around him.

My friends, we've come home.

We then get the theme song for the Adventures in Unova dub; “It’s Always You and Me.” As I pointed out before, it’s a decent tune by Pokémon Company standards, though I admit the themes they’ve been coming up with for the XY dub have been really good (for XYZ, “Stand Tall” manages to capture the hard rock sound of the Japanese theme very nicely).

The title card is also an open invitation to what lies ahead. A world full of fantasy and fun. 

Amid all the partygoers; everyone sees a video presentation by Professor Oak on the starter Pokémon one can receive in Kanto: Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle.

When N asks about Pikachu; Ash explains that he got him because he arrived late when he started his journey. 

As a dancer with a Charmander takes the stage; N is spellbound by the ceremony, despite not being familiar with the species of Pokémon.

On the subject of Ash scanning Charmander with the Pokédex: I personally don’t have a problem with it; as trainers in this franchise have done weirder things. Red sat on a mountain for two years; Yellow pretended to be a boy, and Green stuffed Poké Balls down her dress as a “booby trap,” so to speak.

Later that night; Ash decides to tell the story of his own Charmander over drinks with his friends. He remembers it like it was only yesterday. 

As you know, Charmander was abandoned by an abusive trainer known as Damian; and Ash; Misty and Brock rescued him. When Damian saw how powerful he truly was; he tried to get him back, but Charmander saw through his trainer’s cruelty and joined Ash instead.

By jove; the reanimated flashbacks here are gorgeous. Even when covering old ground; I have grown to appreciate how great this series is at making old concepts new again. Just look at these stills and tell me they weren’t giving it their all.

As you can see; these episodes featured are key moments of Ash’s journey in the original series, such as his gym battle with Koga. I may consider doing a gym battle showcase in 2017 before I retire. I want to be done with class so I can get a job in my field.

As time passed; their bond grew, so much that Charmander evolved into an unruly Charmeleon! 

Further down the line; he became an even more powerful Charizard! 

He was a very powerful Pokémon; but at the cost of the respect for his trainer. As a result; his time at the Indigo Plateau ended in defeat. This isn’t the last time this sort of thing happens either; though admittedly, it did get better with time.

Even so, Ash concludes he’s a big help; and an even bigger friend.

Regarding the “Who’s that Pokémon” segment: like I could ever forget.

As the story continues, Iris, Cilan and N wonder why Ash doesn’t still have him around.

Ash then says that when he reached the Charicific valley in Johto; Charizard learned one of the universal truths and themes in the series: no matter how good you think you are, there’s always someone better. 

Moved by his desire to get stronger; Ash ultimately decided to leave Charizard behind as he continued to get stronger. This is another trait that sets him apart from Alan: by limiting his reliance on more powerful Pokémon; it generates anticipation from the audience for their next appearance and allows new allies to shine. Thus, it makes the character more satisfying when he reappears after being absent for longer periods of time. That is why I feel Ash’s bond with Charizard and his other Pokémon (and by that proxy, Red’s bond with his Charizard) is more genuine than Alan’s bond with his, on a personal level. It just felt more human to me. I’ll address the manner further whenever I decide recap some of XYZ; but this is also what’s going to set the two apart in that arc: even when Ash finds out Alan’s true intentions (and he will), I genuinely believe that Ash doesn’t have it in his heart to take the same actions Alan did in the Strongest Mega Evolution acts (and is currently taking in XYZ); which is ultimately going to lead to Alan’s undoing. 

Inspired by Ash’s story, his friends encourage him to bring Charizard back for them all to see in person. Ash agrees; and has him sent over from the Charicific Valley in exchange for Unfezant.

He sends out Charizard; and everyone basks in his glory. As an icon of the bestselling video game series; if Pikachu represents the “cute” side of things, Charizard definitely represents the “cool” side of things for my money; even if my favorite is Lucario. 

They also give each other a fist bump to welcome each other back; seeing as this first aired in 2013. For the record, I did like the retro-90s aesthetic that BW had; and I’m also liking how the same thing is occurring in XY. I can only imagine what they have planned for the inevitable rebrand for Sun and Moon. While Origins proved that alternative adaptation targeted at someone my age could work; my ideal reboot, if I were in charge, would be something akin to Star Wars or Raiders of the Lost Ark; with elements of the Marvel Cinematic Universe for handling large amounts of characters. A sort of hard-PG, possible PG-13 action/adventure series if you will (I would not do a hard-R version like that fan trailer that everyone but me liked). 

Yet, when the other Pokémon meet him; Iris’ Dragonite does not take a shine to Charizard. At this; Ash and Iris decide to have a battle to break the ice. 

The battle that ensues is a simply wonderful experience between friends. The way the animation is handled to reintroduce this character to the series: the angles, the lighting, the way the characters move: it’s one of the many reasons I love this episode.

Charizard, however, has one more trick up his sleeve: Dragon Tail! Now that’s impressive!

N then declares the battle a draw. Also, is N Prattkeeping these Pokémon?

Iris is impressed with Charizard’s strength; in her words, “After all, it is a dragon type.” You guys only get one, Iris haters. I’ve already made clear I like her in past recaps.

Once Ash clarifies Charizard is a Fire/Flying type; she is aghast at the fact she’ll be unable to train one, not that it stopped her from keeping an Emolga and an Excadrill, nor the Mega Evolution that looks kind of like a Night Fury. You all know what’s coming; guys. As I said, you haters only get one.

Stupid! You're so stupid!

Be that as it may, Charizard rejoins Ash and Pikachu on their journey as I celebrate 20 years. No matter how long it takes, we’re not going anywhere.

“The Fires of a Red-Hot Reunion” is truly worthy of being my favorite episode of Best Wishes; as with most of my favorites, it displays the best of its saga in one episode. Full of great animation and homages to its lineage; it’s the ideal way to reintroduce one of the big mascots of the franchise.

With that on the table, this is going to be my last Pokémon episode recap for a while. I’m going to officially shift my focus on Pokémon recaps to the movies; which I started last year. I will be continuing that pattern with the third movie in April; while other recaps will occur in March. Since Yo-Kai Watch will be launching in Europe in springtime; I’m going to do more of that; as the franchise so far has been a nonstarter in the US. I will just have to see where the plans to localize the sequels will go; but for now, I’m going to keep enjoying this 20th anniversary over the coming year. Bang. 

Recap: The Mastermind of Mirage Pokémon

First I shall address the Donphan in the room: the voice acting. This special was made in the transition to the Pokémon Company international; hence why the whole cast is hit with a case of dull surprise; in the words of MST3K. Thankfully, they’ve gotten better with each passing season; much like the original actors. If I didn’t address this right off; the recap would be 30 pages long. I’ll also try to keep mentioning it to a minimum for that same reason unless it’s REALLY egregious. 

Anyway, Ash has been invited to test a new battle system from Dr. Young; with May, Max, and Brock in tow.

We then get the song “Pokémon Go,” which I find to be delightfully cheesy; much like the special itself.

So, this special was made to commemorate 10 years of Pokémon; though it had only been stateside for 8 at the time of release. Don’t you just love loopholes?

To their dull surprise, Misty and Professor Oak are there as well! They were invited to test the system too! So, we have; however briefly, a reunion of the original cast. They even gleefully say they’re friendly rivals once again. We once again have our Avengers, Justice League, Guardians of the Kanto Region; Mighty Morphin Poké Rangers, what have you.

Apparently, Dr. Young is an old friend of Professor Oak’s. One thing I must point out is that this is the first time the animation was handled by someone other than OLM, beating Origins by at least 7 years. It’s decent on the whole; save for shots like this. 

Looks like something I would doodle in the margins of my notebook on downtime.

So, his battle system contains fully interactive holographs; which can materialize any Pokémon to battle with! This even includes many legendaries in the technology Dr. Young touts as his Mirage system!

Everyone is impressed with the technology of the Mirage Pokémon! Forget Oculus Rift, THIS is technology I want to play this on.

With this, Ash and Misty are the first to challenge the Mirage Pokémon; an Aggron! Call me old-fashioned, but I really love that.

Naturally, after 10 years, Team Rocket is still trying to nip all the Pokémon they can for their own ends. Of course!

They remark that “it prints money;” much like that image macro of Iwata and Miyamoto, and this is also the start of Meowth’s Watto-like Yiddish, I think.

Misty sends out Staryu; and the battle begins! Misty leads with Bubblebeam in some fairly decent CGI; but Aggron is unscathed! Aggron counters with sandstorm; and Staryu is buffeted by the sandstorm! 

Everyone remarks how Mirage Pokémon are “nothing to mess with.” 

Then, Pikachu notices a holographic Mew over the side of the castle as the battle continues.

Staryu fires back with Water Gun; but Aggron proves to be more than a match despite a type disadvantage!

Aggron wins the match with a barrage of Bullet Seeds! Max points out Aggron can’t learn that attack! The Mirage system probably has Action Replay in it.

Ash claims he’s “psyched”; but his VA hasn’t quite reached her peak yet. Give it till at least a season or two into Diamond and Pearl; folks.

Ash sends out Pikachu against Aggron. Just like him to stake his buddy against a ground/steel type despite the disadvantage.

The system starts bugging out; and Dr. Young’s controller breaks as Aggron dissolves into raw code!

The system then summons more Pokémon, including Aerodactyl; who are being controlled by the Mirage Master. For some reason, he sounds like Zordon. “Get me a team of teenagers with attitude!”

They’re outmatched as Dr. Young is kidnapped and the others make a run for it! They try to escape; and Professor Oak is kidnapped as well! Yet, they won’t leave their friend; and the Mirage Master then punches in a few more buttons on his controller. 10 minutes into this special; and it’s already better than the first 10 minutes of The Legend of Thunder. Then again, most stuff is.

Professor Oak is taken hostage; and the Mirage Master demands the password to his research. He won’t give in; and everyone decides to do the first logical thing: call Officer Jenny. This bit with Brock and the rotary dial is odd; since they’ve had touchtone phones since before I was born. He is all too eager to get her, stop the Mirage Master; and then have dinner with Jenny! Yep, still a horny teenager who never gets any after 10 years!

So, everyone else goes to face the Mirage Master; but Ash and Misty are leading while May and Max hang back in case they need help.

The Mirage Master intends to eliminate the differences in their types to determine their perfection. While Professor Oak says the differences are what make them who they are, the Mirage Master will have none of it.

Meanwhile, Ash and Misty infiltrate the compound through the waterways; and I just get a kick out of seeing two of my favorite trainers back together after such a long time.

Team Rocket gets hit by the door; just as the Mirage Master is surprisingly pleased by their presence. Professor Oak is surprised by Mew. This is yet another movie where he plays a large part, along with the first and eighth ones. 

The Mirage Master dismisses Mew as a “flawed specimen.” Oh, screw you! Mew is more than worthy of being number 151; and you’re gonna get it back for that!

Team Rocket says their motto in some odd CGI effects that would not be out of place on my Wii U.

Everyone’s cornered by Mirage Pokémon; and Team Rocket is sent blasting off through the castle walls!

Ash and Misty face off against the Mirage Pokémon; and even though it wasn’t intentional; they seem very nonchalant about Mew. As Pikachu is hit; Ash very flatly says “Pikachu, no.” I’M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION!

Everyone is taken away; but Ash orders Pikachu to get clear and send a message to the others! He does, and May comes in while she leaves Max. Typical. Like, “so long, kiddo; I’ve got work to do!”

Misty gets knocked off the ledge and Pikachu is taken away; and Ash notes that Mew isn’t like the other Mirage Pokémon. Then, he’s trapped as Ash tries to free him! Easy, it’s not like handling an Infinity Stone!

Mew tries to get Ash to find the others, and Misty thankfully is rescued by May. So, now it’s time for the girl power segment of the special.

The Mirage Master then extracts Pikachu’s memories; showing events from past movies, including some of my favorites.

Professor Oak can’t stand to see Pikachu suffer; and finally decides to give up the password. It’s “Red/Green.” He then uses this to hack through all the Pokémon databases: the Pokémon Center, Oak labs, Birch labs, and Elm labs!

Brock exasperatedly tries to explain what happens; and bits like this always remind me of Die Hard. “This center is for emergencies only.” “WHAT, DO THINK I’M ORDERING A PIZZA?!”

Ultimately, Jenny does agree to help as Nurse Joy tells her that the information is being hacked at a massive scale!

Ash reaches the Mirage Master’s parlor; just as the birth of the strongest Pokémon takes place! Behold: Mewtwo! Whether it’s a supervillain, a tragic villain, or a quasi-Xenomorph, it’s awesome. I also welcome it back to Super Smash Bros. 3D/U after sitting Brawl out. Least his play style was adopted by my favorite Pokémon, Lucario.

Mewtwo awakens; and Mirage Master says this isn’t the Mewtwo you’re familiar with. Neither is the aforementioned quasi-Xenomorph; but I like that one too!

Mewtwo unleashes its power; wiping out the other Mirage Pokémon as a screaming monster seven years before Origins!

The professor sends out Dragonite, and has him use Twister! Yet, it’s useless against him! Professor Oak and the others decide to make a run for it; just as a bunch of missiles start launching from the castle! You must construct additional pylons!

The missiles wedge themselves into the ground; and enabling the Mirage field beyond the reach of the castle!

Entei, Articuno, and Zapdos all take hold as Pikachu comes to; and Team Rocket decides to go after them!

It turns out that the Mirage Master is Dr. Young all along. As he takes off the mask; he reveals that his work was deemed unethical by his superiors, and this is his way of getting back at them. This is actually a pretty good twist; and he also makes a really good villain because of that. He sees Pokémon as little more than means to an end; and wants vengeance because of that. 

The time for the final battle has come; as Pikachu is joined by Misty’s Gyarados and May’s Combusken; but it seems they can’t be stopped! Mewtwo actually punches out Dragonite; and Dr. Young has officially gone off the deep end as the battle rages on!

Mew decides to face off against Mewtwo; but his data is destroyed as Dr. Young again dismisses Mew as a “flawed specimen.” Ash rightfully calls him out on his heinous actions; but Dr. Young then transfers the data to Mewtwo as he goes all one-winged angel on us!

Yet, no one will give up the fight until the end! The attacks collide in a massive shockwave; and Team Rocket is sent blasting off yet again! Some things never change, do they.

Even if this is a tense moment; and there’s a lot of them in this movie; the voice acting is a bit lacking for a scene like this. I may have used my “glass case of emotion” joke too early.

Ash continues to show why I admire him as a trainer: he and Pikachu continue the fight even when they know it’s pointless!

Then, Mewtwo starts resisting the change as Mew emerges from Mewtwo. Dr. Young tries to stop them; but the Mirage System is breaking down as the critical moment comes. Do it. DO IT!

The mirage system is destroyed; and rather than face justice for his crimes, Dr. Young runs into the the burning wreckage of his castle; presumably dying in the process.

Professor Oak ultimately concludes that even data has a soul. So, we close out this special and 10 years of Pokémon with our heroes looking at the sunset as their journey is far from over.

Even when considering how the behind-the-scenes drama overshadowed the special itself at the time of release; and how the voice acting was not up to par with what we were used to, it’s still an enjoyable film. I ultimately concluded after how lousy The Legend of Thunder and Chronicles as a whole were; that any special they made could only improve from there. With a creative premise and some nice animation; this is an ideal way to celebrate 10 years of Pokémon.

See you, space cowboy! 

Recap: Electronic Money Panic

Hello again. By the time you read this, Mega Man Legacy Collection will have been released; once again chronicling the classic Mega Man games in one collection; with its release on Nintendo platforms being packed with a limited edition Gold Amiibo of the the title character. There is also the highly anticipated release of the spiritual successor Mighty No.9; with Keiji Inafune at the helm; even with the delay being on the table again.There is also a planned animated reboot from Man of Action (Ben 10, Generator Rex) in production.

I certainly hope it will be good; given the Blue Bomber’s less-than-stellar track record with animation. From the quasi-Rugrat with a chain smoker’s voice from Captain N to the myriad of liberties taken with the infamous Ruby-Spears cartoon; he’s more or less been batting zero on TV. So, for the 30th anniversary of the series; I think it’s finally time for me to retire the Mega Man NT Warrior recaps. There are plenty of other series I can mine for recaps in the near future; but this will be the final time I go back to Den Tech City. Let’s open up “Electronic Money Panic” and get this over with.

This will be the last time I skip that theme song; so it’s only right I play something more my speed. 

We open on Mr. Higsby, once again cooing over rare battle chips; then lamenting the fact that he can’t pay for them due to a lack of funding. I can’t even tell you how long it took to get a mistake cleared up with Amazon to get my Blu-ray copies of the first three Pokémon movies and my Lucas Amiibo. By the way: once I’m done with my recaps of the made-for-TV movies, I’m going back to the theatrical ones, which will be my primary focus for Pokémon recaps; though you will see some episodes when I want to. 

Then, a man in who appears to have the same tailor as Two-Face in Batman Forever offers to invest in Mr. Ni No Kuni. I’m going to miss that gag of renaming him, to be honest. 

This business deal is wreaking havoc with the stock market; and the plot is as FAKE as these stocks. This is going to be a doozy of a last recap of this anime, isn’t it?

Also, in spite of what the bank claims, their security is pretty flimsy. To think people wonder why everything went south in 2008.

It seems the villain for this episode is yet another reimagining of a classic villain: Magnet Man. Time has NOT been kind to you, my friend!

We are once again greeted to the sight of Yai’s Barbie pink limousine; and a key reason why I decided this Mega Man recap would be the last one.

Inside, everyone is watching a video on how this philanthropist called Mr. Gauss is buying up large chunks of the city and giving to various charities; which immediately tells me he’s a villain, given how they’ve been set up with the utmost lack of subtlety in every recap I’ve done in the past of this anime.

Yai, of course, scoffs at the idea of charity work in favor of buying yourself lavish presents. Oh, I’m going to enjoy throwing shade at your misfortune in this episode.

Anyway, they head to the Chip Shop, only to be redirected to his new location in a more lavish setting.

Look at Yai’s face in this screen cap. She clearly knows she’s been one-upped, and doesn’t like it one bit.

Furthering this is when Mr. Highball apparently ordered a fancier dessert than she did! 

Mr. Hippopotas is all too proud at his newfound fortune; and is not above gloating about it!

Then, the real juicy stuff starts: at the same time, Yai has gone bankrupt; and AyanoTech stock has gone down to just pennies on the dollar! She’s worth less than a two-cent stamp! 

At the same time, funds are appearing in Mr. Hippowdon’s account like magic! 

I'd buy that for a dollar!

This whole situation is so ridiculous, it makes me wonder why people give so much heat to how The Dark Knight Rises depicted this robbery/large-scale embezzlement!

This is a stock exchange, not a bank, there's no money for you to steal! "Really? Then why are you people here?"

He’s even bought himself a large supply of battle chips to commemorate the occasion!

Big money! Big prizes! I love it!

With the last of her electronic money cards drained; Yai is devastated at this development. 

Of course, the whole setup was orchestrated by Mr. Gauss! Who could have guessed that? 

The next morning, she’s forced to take a scooter to school like everyone else.

I have blisters, my Mary Janes are dirty, and I don't know how much longer I can complain!

Glide even tries explaining things to the other Net Navis. This is going to suck, guys.

This brings me to the fatal flaw with this episode: more than the incoherent writing, stiff animation or stilted voice acting; the episode is expecting us to sympathize with Yai, despite the fact that in this episode and prior ones, she constantly acts like a spoiled brat; even when she’s penniless! You can’t have your character act like this and then expect us to feel sorry for them! It doesn’t work!

Furthering this is when she accuses Chaud of stealing her money; but is quickly rebuffed when Chaud has to get to the bottom of his own money being stolen! I certainly hope the next step isn’t peeing on his rug! 

Your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means YOU owe money to Jackie Treehorn!

As Lan rolls off to investigate what’s going on, we get ANOTHER broadcast that just happens to show what’s going on in the plot; continuing a tradition set by Gabunyan Hazard!

Call me crazy, but how is no one putting this together? For that matter, what kid is going to be interested in stocks in a plot? 

Chaud then determines that Yai’s fortune was funneled into Mr. Wigsphere’s account; yet NO ONE ELSE HAS BEEN ABLE TO FIGURE THIS OUT?! Why aren’t you committed? 

Also, for some reason, Proto Man has a red Cyber Sword. Still not as cool as Kylo Ren’s lightsaber. 

Proto Man then engages Magnet Man; as things get even more inane.

Mike Nelson: Oh look! It's not often you see the stupidest thing you've ever seen!

Lan reaches the new Chip Shop and decides to get to the bottom of things. 

Before we get started, does anyone want to get out?

Mr. Pitstop then tries to attack Lan with a mop, but mistakenly hits himself instead! 

It's official-you suck!

Upon finding out he’s been had; Mr. Gauss then has Magnet Man multiply! Alliteration, hah! 

The animation hasn’t gotten any better since I started recapping this anime; and it’s only right I get worse animation than the South Park episode “Good Times With Weapons” to play me off.

In a fiery explosion, Magnet Man is defeated! How fittingly anticlimactic.

Then, Mr. Rig Juice comes to after his self-inflicted injury. 

There’s a portal to another part of cyberspace; but I honestly don’t care anymore. I just want to be done with this and work on other things to help end this month on a higher note.

After Mr. Gauss  escapes on a Da Vinci flying machine (just go with it); Yai’s fortune is returned. Status quo is god, of course.

Since no one else reamed out Yai for the way she’s been behaving, I will. Yai; you are by far a symbol of everything that’s wrong with the class divide today. If you were in any other position; you and your family would not have survived. Even Donald Trump; with all his egotism and xenophobia would be ashamed to be associated with you. Do you understand? I am comparing you unfavorably to Donald Trump, Miss Ayano!

Given how I decided to put these recaps out to pasture; I think a little reward is in order! First is The Mastermind of Mirage Pokémon; then a special surprise for Pokémon Day! See you, space cowboy! 

Recap: The Legend of Thunder

I haven’t been looking forward to this. From what I can gather; this is the first attempt at making a Pokémon anime separate from the mainline series. Then it took them another 10 years for them to figure out how to do it right.

Even so, you can’t expect perfection the first time; why not just…decency? Yeah, as I’m about to tell you, we didn’t really get that either. Even though TOM on Toonami did get me to see it; the problem is that in that time, there was a series that shed new perspective on a medium I love and excelled in characterization, story, and animation. It was called Full Metal Alchemist. Before you ask, yes; I am in the process of watching Brotherhood and reading the manga.

I must also point out, that by nature; my blog is opinionated, and you are free to agree or disagree with what I make. That said; let’s get this over with.

The first problem is the theme song. Generally, I expect a mixture of driving rock and orchestral music from the franchise. This is way too airy. On top of that; the lyrics don’t fit the situation at all. The first theme said “I wanna be the very best.” The second theme said “I want to take the ultimate step.” The third theme said “Everybody wants to be a master.” The fourth theme said “I’m born to be a winner.” The fifth theme said “All I have to do is believe.” One of the things I do is try to find recurring themes between episodes and seasons. This claptrap sounds like the opening to a sitcom; like Full House. You half expect to see John Stamos’ name in the credits. 

Anyway, we see our lead; Jimmy. What’s his character like? Let me put it this way: if Lucas Barton wasn’t around to wear the Power Glove in The Wizard, this would have been your man.

He and his Typhlosion face off against Shinji; who looks quite different after instrumentality, and his Hitmonlee. The first battle is surprisingly lacking for a TV special; filled with bad lines and rather stiff animation. Of course, they win.

This is my principal complaint with this special; and Pokémon Chronicles as a whole: it just tries way too hard to make Pokémon seem interesting. Rather than try to just make a series that might expand on what’s given to them in a way that’s different from what we already have, they’re essentially throwing everything at us saying; “Look, there’s other characters now! Don’t leave!” This occurs in close to every part of the series, but this special has the worst of it.

Before we proceed further, let me be perfectly clear that I like Raikou. He’s the most underrated of the Johto legendary beasts. Most people seem to like Entei or Suicune. I was quite satisfied with capturing him in OR/AS. As we’re about to see in this special, he got the short end of the stick. Entei got an emotional movie about being a surrogate father to a little girl; and Suicune is one of the guardians of the forest in his movie. Raikou really got gipped here.

We cut to a Team Rocket helicopter in canyon; where get the debut of Attila and Hun; continuing the pattern of operatives in the dub being named for infamous historical figures. As for what everyone is going to ask me: yes, I am well aware Hun was male in the Japanese version. I don’t really care, because the villains are the few things in this special that I think actually work.

They meet up with one of our standard professors with an Eastern European accent seen in, well; adventure film in general; but because it’s easier to pick one-Raiders of the Lost Ark. I still think that or the original Star Wars Trilogy would be good models to follow for any future specials; or if the time comes when they can handle a new series and make it as big a success as what we already have.

They test this machine that can absorb every amp of electricity thrown at it. It’s been a while since science class; but I’m fairly certain that large enough amounts of electricity are measured in joules.

That’s the first of many scenes in this special that strain willing suspension of disbelief; and that’s saying something given how it’s revolving around a mythical electric beast.

Back with Jimmy; he reaches a small Pokémon Center and has his Pokémon healed. He brushes Typhlosion in an unintentionally funny scene.

Then, (sighs); we get our appearance of Marina. What have they done to her? They took the first female player character from the games; Crystal, which broke down countless barriers for female fans of the franchise by not being the stereotype many expect. Unfortunately; this vapid wench manages to be everything she isn’t. She is self-obsessed to no end, and prattles about her achievements rather than actually show them in battle.

Worse than that, she’s on the phone with Vincent; who says this to Jimmy: “Look what the Gengar dragged in!” Look, I like Gengar as much as the next guy, but can’t you use something like say, “Look what the Meowth dragged in,” or “Look what the Persian dragged in?”

Yet, the banal dialogue doesn’t end there; as she hangs up with the phrase; “GTG, sweetie pie.” That’s not dated at all!

We’re even given a romantic subplot between them. I’m sorry, Questshippers; these guys have less chemistry than Anakin and Padmé! They at least asked what their lives were like and gave reasons why their relationship might not work! Here; we just have a couple schlubs whose interactions could be replicated by anyone 10 or under at Burger King!

My word, she just won’t shut up about what she’s been doing! I think maybe in hindsight, I was a bit too hard on Advanced. 

Not even Typhlosion’s chuckling can satisfy me.

They decide to have a battle. Marina precedes this by saying how much she wants to make people happy. You’re failing miserably. We’re only 10 minutes in, folks. This special is feature-length. If you ever decide to watch this, I don’t recommend doing it sober.

She even refers to Lance as “fabu-Lance.” If I’m ever held hostage, this would be the point where I’d crack. She also has a book full of items of him; almost to a stalker degree.

She sends out her Jigglypuff, which has the rather common name of Pink. I’d trust her to be a Pokémon trainer more than Marina. 

Jimmy then counters with Beedrill. We actually have Jigglypuff’s song cut off here! This does not bode well.

Yet, Marina will not stop babbling about what she’s done; even insinuating that she could turn this into a routine called “Jigglypuff Jam” or “Victory Vogue.” How about no?!

Then, it switches to Typhlosion and Croconaw. I honestly don’t care what’s happening right now. Then; the sky goes dark and lightning comes down. Attila and Hun even wonder if Raikou is real. Do teenagers play children’s card games?

Then, Attila starts grabbing all the electric Pokémon in sight.

Then, Raikou appears over the hill, much to Jimmy and Marina’s amazement and my indifference. He wrecks the machine in some music leftover from the first movie; and  much accidental innuendo from Attila and Hun.

It’s amazing how disenchanted that Jimmy and Marina sound when Raikou could be in danger. It’s like Willy Wonka saying “Help. Police. Murder”. That’s how I feel about this special.

It’s only after witnessing the torture has happened throughout much of this portion that Jimmy decides to intervene. The second act doesn’t get a whole lot better; folks.

It is here I have to address, yet again; a widespread belief towards these specials and the idea that we need them. The rationale behind this belief is simply because we have other characters; it automatically makes them good and the story good; right? Wrong! You need to establish said characters and give us reasons to care about them. If you don’t; you end up with The Legend of Thunder!

I mean, it really says something when Attila, Hun; and Professor Sebastian, who’s essentially a discount Toht from Raiders of the Lost Ark stick out at me more than a pair of trainers that Bill and Ted would deem “bogus!” They’d actually make better trainers, too!

So, Act II begins with Jimmy and Marina facing off against Attila and Hun; who have Steelix and Skarmory out. Yet, they’re no match for them. Attila then sets his sights on Raikou, or as he calls it, “Thunder Wonder.” I’ve heard people call Raikou many things. “Thunder Wonder” is not one of them.

Even so, both parties are forced to retreat. Marina then says, “the reviews are in, and you’re amazing, Little Miss!” The same can’t be said for this special, especially not in my case.

Jimmy tries to help Raikou with his Typhlosion; but Raikou will have none of it. He tries approaching him; but despite his claims, I really don’t care what he plans to do.

Back at the Pokémon Center, Professor Elm claims that if Raikou is healed; he’ll become withdrawn and depressed; which isn’t entirely accurate. Other stories point out while the physical injuries heal; the emotional pain does often remain. You’re a professor, you should know this! The number of plot holes in this keeps growing.

While Raikou is being healed, Attila laments the loss of him while he repairs the quasi-ED209 he used. “It would’ve been mine if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids!” This is like the MAD parody of the show likening it to those who can’t take the suspense of Scooby-Doo! Do you understand this!

Hun even remarks its power. Hell, it took me an hour or so to get my Raikou in OR/AS, and at least half that was trying to find its Mirage Spot!

That night, Marina says life is too short and glorious to be depressed. I can’t really touch that statement. Not only because it’s one of the few lines in the special that’s not totally Michael Bay-fied; but I agree with it; and it actually sounds like something Crystal might say. Notice how I’m saying Crystal, because it’s inherently clear that Marina is NOT Crystal. Crystal is a character that wasn’t a stereotypical female character; and she was well-rounded enough that anyone could relate to her, regardless of gender. The same can’t really be said for Marina. It’s a shame, really, almost tragic the way this special ruined her.

Also, Eusine has come in, but he’s been renamed “Eugene” for this special. He wasn’t called that in the games before and since; and he wasn’t called that in any of the Master Quest episodes that featured him. So, I don’t feel a need to use the new name. Just as I refuse to use the Pokémon Company’s pronunciation of Alan on the grounds that it sounds pretentious.

We are then introduced to Kudo; who isn’t a teenage detective who gets aged backwards into a kid, sadly. Marina then starts gushing about Eusine’s cape, who tells her not to touch it. Now that’s actually kind of funny.

We’re only at the halfway point; and Kudo asks if “the men who attacked are from Team Rocket.” Well, technically one of them’s a man. The other is a subject you may want to look into more. I know I’ll need to.

Officer Jenny deduces that they want to use Raikou to-what else?-Take over the world. Of course! Jimmy declares this will not stand! This aggression will not stand, man! 

He then says he’ll protect Raikou no matter what. Oh come on! It couldn’t BE in worse hands! I wouldn’t trust him with my 3DS, much less that! I should have mailed it to the Marx brothers!

Sure enough, Raikou breaks out of the hospital so fast that Jimmy can do nothing about it! What a shock! Also, Jimmy is voiced by Sean Schemmel, who I know can do better! His Goku is great; but his voice acting in that scene is incredibly stilted! “I’M TRAPPED IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION!”

Again, THIS is a character that’s supposed to be alternative to what we already have? I’m sorry; but I think Jimmy is a terrible alternative to Ash, as is Chronicles to the mainline series! Every complaint people have about the mainline series is still there; amplified tenfold! Anyone who thinks that they can get something from this that they couldn’t from the mainline series is deluding themselves!

Thus, Eusine must go after Raikou with everyone else in tow; save for Kudo. Well, that was pointless!

Also, is it just me, or does Hun’s line about how “the crystal’s attraction is increasing” sound dirty out of context?

Hun sends out Steelix; and we get more bullshit about the crystal and the machine that just feels ludicrous in this context.

Also, I know it’s a TV movie; but the animation’s not really up to par with what we would see in an actual episode from the same time period. Raikou REALLY got shafted amongst the Johto legendary beasts. The movies that featured them actually had budgets to show them off.

Jimmy reengages Attila and Hun; and really don’t care what happens to these guys. Attila then declares it’s rodeo time. 

Then, Vincent shows up with his Meganium. We’re 36 minutes into this movie and we’re still introducing principal characters? What is this? The Maze Runner? Divergent? Who cares?

Yet, he’s an even worse lead and actor than everyone else in this dog. Attila thinks they’ve “silenced the naysayers.” You wish, Attila. There’s still at least a half hour left to this trash.

They just stand there for 30 seconds before any of them get the idea to attack the machine! Also, Vincent’s Meganium can apparently use Solar Beam Without charging. Attila likens the situation to “three people squeezing on a giant zit.” I was thinking more that it’s less entertaining than an anime about Koga, Bruno, and Agatha filing their taxes.

Despite their best efforts; Raikou is captured, something Eusine describes as “tragedy, misfortune, and woe.” Sounds like this special in a nutshell.

Also, it turns out Marina’s been captured as well. So, the chickification of her character is complete.

She somehow manages to disconnect the engines and cargo hold; and frees Raikou.

As act two ends; it’s clear that my opinion of it hasn’t changed since I was younger. When I was 11, I hated this special because it made no sense. Now that I’m 24; it’s still nonsense, What’s worse, however, is that I don’t even care that it’s nonsense. The leads are completely ineffectual; Raikou is wasted; and I actually remember the villains more than anything else about it. Someone once told me that “it’s better than Ash learning the same lesson.” I say, the same lesson is better than NO lesson! There’s no real indication that Jimmy is learning anything, at all from his experience, and I honestly don’t think he will!

We’re entering act three; folks, and if you thought the first two acts of this movie were tedious, this drags on, and on; and on. My last statement before I get to the meat of this is that with the series proper; I never understood why people watched it to get away from Ash. The few episodes of Chronicles I liked when I was 11 were ones that reinforced how much his friends enjoyed the time they spent with him even though they don’t see him as often as they used to.

Attila and Hun realize their catch has been dropped; and decide to go after Raikou. Get used to that, folks; this last part of the special has a lot of it. 

Vincent is bugging out at the fact that Marina has been kidnapped. Shut up, Vincent! You make me want a lobotomy!

Eusine says that “Team Rocket isn’t known for their gentleness.” Yeah, they kind of went off the deep end when they bashed in Marowak’s head. He then says “we can’t just do something to do something.” Damn it, Morpheus! Not everyone believes what you believe! See, I can do it too, it’s not hard. 

He tells Jimmy to remain calm as Vincent continues mugging. Shut up, Vincent!

He calls Marina, but we actually waste time as Attila plays keep-away with it. This is more padded than George Clooney’s rubber codpiece in Batman and Robin!

Vincent is so unwise that he actually gets her in further trouble! You fucked it up! You fucked it up! Her life was in your hands! We don’t get shit, they’re gonna kill her!

Eusine can also, apparently triangulate the position via the call log! Totally! That’s how they got Saddam!

So, with Marina now a hostage akin to Daphne Blake; they start making plans for special attacks such as “Attila Thunderbolt” and “The Hun Shockwave.” If you were to propose those to Smogon, they’d laugh you out of their forums.

Hun gives the order to “launch the signal,” and I really wish Chitauri invaders were being guided to that beacon.

Eusine then goes “Cross-country” as he guns the engine! 

Attila then sees something that’s not Raikou. No shit, Sherlock!

They arrive on the scene, and Vincent starts babbling about how he’s going to let Team Rocket have it! Shut up, Vincent!

After some banter between them all; they deduce that Raikou is missing. A massive lightning storm occurs; and Marina is rescued-by Beedrill. That’s actually the LEAST implausible thing about this anticlimax. I didn’t even find the final battle of Groudon and Kyogre in Advanced Battle as bad as this!

So, there’s more pathetic shipping fuel here. “You call this a diplomatic solution?” “I call it aggressive negotiations.”

There’s quite a few still frames in this final battle. I haven’t seen the last episodes of Evangelion yet; but I imagine this is even more stiff.

Raikou destroys the control panel of the machine, and the crystal goes out of control. Out of nowhere; it’s friends with our protagonists, since I honestly hesitate to call these clowns heroes at this point. Thankfully, it’s almost over, but I think there were fewer endings in The Return of the King!

After some technobabble between Attila and Hun; the crystal continues to reel in Raikou. There’s a bunch of bullshit about how they’ll be legends that will never be forgotten; but I remember this worse than I remember Whatever Happened to Robot Jones, which should tell you something. Also, you may have to Google that last show.

The trainers then vow to form their own legend. My word, if this goes on any longer; I think we’l be back at the shire! That’s a real legend!

As they marvel at their trap; Hun claims their plan is “almost like a law of physics.” No offense, Hun; but I think your grasp of physics is about as sound as the idea that “particles of light are made of many atoms!” 

They then decide to make one last ditch effort to stop the machine and save Raikou. Stop. Don’t. Come back.

Also, I can’t even touch Attila’s description of this as “a suicide mission.” No comment.

What comes next; however, is even worse. “Put on your raincoats, and your galoshes too!” …

GOLD! DOES NOT! WEAR! GALOSHES! That’s where it dawned on me! Gold is not Jimmy! Eusine is not Eugene! Crystal is not Marina, and this is not a good special! That’s it! I’m wrapping it up right here!

Attila sends out Muk; Raikou is freed; and all Hell essentially breaks loose. The final battle is a hodgepodge of reused animation and still shots amid a storm of wisecracks and poorly-defined characters. Raikou saves everyone, and we’re thankfully spared further adventures from these stooges. 

I’ll let you know now: no Pokémon deserves to be shafted the way Raikou was. Not even Gothita. Sadly, this special is essentially a microcosm of all my problems with Chronicles. This is the beginning of the delusion that we are deserving of a grand series for our demographic; which the powers that be will not supply. The reality is that these are the dregs of whatever wastebasket the mainline series throws rejected ideas in; and we swallowed it because we thought we were getting better.

My point is, not even the best series can create a good script and compelling characters out of nothing. If you want to see this special done right, go watch the third and fourth movies again. Better yet, if you’re so afraid about liking the series; but wanting it to change, go watch something else. Take a break from it. Don’t settle for something that’s basically screaming, “Look! We have other characters now, don’t leave!” Then you can approach the mainline series again with a perspective that shows you that it isn’t the worst of its kind. I remember my favorite stories because they’re worth remembering. No one is going to remember this load except as the Batman and Robin of the franchise. It is that bad. In all fairness, if you like this special and Chronicles, then I honestly can’t convince you that you’re wrong anymore than you can get me to like this. It’s never going to happen.

Given how heavy this was; I think things can only improve from here.

Oh, now we’re talking. Keep an eye out for my recap of Mastermind of Mirage Pokémon. Bang.