Sunday, July 19, 2015

Recap: Pokémon the Movie 2000

“The filmmakers have tried hard to come up with an original plot, but somehow this film is actually duller than the first Pokémon movie.”-Hannah Brown, New York Post

“Ugly animation, hackneyed plots, one dimensional characters; and Pokémon gibberish that makes the Teletubbies sound as if they were speaking the King’s English.” -Jay Carr, Boston Globe

“Japanese anime can rise to a legitimate art form, as with the intricate and haunting post-apocalyptic classic Akira, but the disposable Pokémon 2000 is far lazier stuff.”-Charles Savage, Miami Herald

“Just another plastic accessory in the wildly popular world of Pokémon.”-John Monaghan, Detroit Free Press

“A class-A migraine in soupy, gloopy technicolor.”-Michael Wilmington, Chicago Tribune

“A din that drowns out all adult howls.”-Lisa Schwarzbaum, Entertainment Weekly, C-

“Probably as good as cut-rate animation that seems to consist of screen savers can be.” Elvis Mitchell, New York Times, 0.5/5

“Despite being somewhat more exciting than the previous film, this kiddy flick still lacks any real adventure or excitement. What is does contain is choppy animation and poor voice acting. Doesn't match up to virtually anything out there.”- Rotten Tomatoes, 15%


These are yet again, a small sample of the negative reviews given to Pokémon The Movie 2000. That last one often has me think “15%? Honestly? Worse than Jupiter Ascending? Much as I like that, I guess I must have missed how awesome Lugia was in THIS movie.”

Even so, it’s indeed consistent with what many were thinking outside my 8-year-old self and others were going to see this movie in July 2000. In that time, the Pokémon craze was still riding high off the heels of the success of the first movie. So, the decision to posit this film as a summer blockbuster for kids was a solid one.

Since then, my collection of cards and merchandise continues to grow; I have begun viewing the original subs of the Kanto saga; and I have set another record by over-clocking my copy of X past its max time. So, in honor of its 15th anniversary of being released in US theaters; let’s open up my favorite of the original three; Pokémon the Movie 2000! 


Please let it be noted that I have managed to track down a widescreen copy of the movie to write this recap; as a certain unnamed party initially cropped the theatrical release to fullscreen. Granted, I saw the first X-Men in widescreen later that year; so I don’t know what their intention was. Also, since I have yet to find a Japanese copy of the movie; I shall only be addressing one scene that got left on the cutting room floor from it when the time comes. So, let’s get started.

We open on the Orange Islands, where a legend is told as follows: 

“Disturb not the harmony of fire, ice and lightning; lest these titans wreak destruction upon the world in which they clash. Though the beast of the seas shall arise to quell the fighting; alone its song shall fail, thus the world shall turn to ash.”

I’ll address the double meaning later; as it turns out this has been said by our villain, Lawrence III; who seeks to gather these titans for his collection. 








He manages to take Moltres into his possession; remarking that once he has the others, that’s when the game is going to get interesting.

We then cut to the middle of the Orange Islands, where the opening credits are kicked off with Satoshi Tajiri’s credit; all set to a remix of “Pokémon World” better suited for a movie. I’m posting a link of it for you all to hear. 



Not far behind as Takeshi Shudo’s credit comes up are Team Rocket in their Magikarp submarine. This man is every bit as important to me as Lawrence Kasdan and Leigh Brackett.




Suddenly, the sky goes dark and the weather gets worse. Hold it. Is that the World Trade Center in the background? O_O




Their driver, Maren; notes they have arrived at Shamouti Island.

Back in Pallet Town, Professor Oak just happens to be in the neighborhood as Mrs. Ketchum is working in the garden. This is also where we first found out her name is Delia. Interesting. Also, is Mimey sweeping the lawn?



Something strange happens all of a sudden: Snow? In July?




Aurora borealis! At this time of year, at this time of day, at this temperature!
Then, a bunch of Diglett start going crazy and steal the professor’s bike!

Mine! Or I will help you not!
Upon landing at Shamouti Island; they are greeted by an old friend of Maren’s, Carol.


How you doing, you old pirate? So good to see you!
They have arrived just in time for a festival; but Carol has apparently aged out of being the shrine maiden. The role is now played by her younger sister Melody; who has not put on her costume, and is instead wearing some very 90s duds straight out of Clueless. It was July 2000, we were all blissfully unaware of what would happen that November.


I don't know where you get your delusions, laser brain.
Conveniently, Ash is chosen to take part in the ceremony; being a Pokémon Trainer, and is given a traditional welcome kiss; much to Misty’s chagrin.


Well, I guess you don't know everything about women yet.
Of course, Melody seems very intent on shipping the two together; much like most people my age. Misty does not take kindly to being labeled as Ash’s “girlfriend.”


Why you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder!

So, that night, the ceremony begins to something magical: reggae music. 

At dinner, Maren and Carol are apparently amused by a joke that ends saying someone has “Krabbies.” Is that some kind of VD?




As the shrine maiden takes the stage, everyone is stunned by Melody’s performance. 

Using some fruit as a model; she tasks Ash with bringing three treasures to the shrine on the island: the treasures of Fire Island, Lightning Island, and Ice Island. Is it just me; are you getting a vibe of Din, Farore, and Nayru?

Of course, Ash is all too eager to get things done; despite the fact that this party is largely for him.


You're a great help to us, you're a natural leader! "No, that's not it, come on! Ha, come on!"
He tries to rope in Misty as well; even with all the hints we’re given.


You afraid I was going to leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?
Misty scoffs at the idea; largely due to the whole thing being spurred on by Melody.



I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee. "I can arrange that, you could use a good kiss!"

Without another word, Pikachu nips Ash’s hat and rushes off toward the ship; with Ash following closely behind. Some things never change, even after 15 years.

Your tauntaun will freeze before you reach the first marker! "Then I'll see you in Hell!"
Melody then realizes the danger Ash is in; and everyone heads after him. 

Back in Pallet Town, the weather patterns continue acting strangely as Professor Oak begins researching the cause.

As Maren reaches Fire Island; the rudder breaks off the ship and it runs aground faster than you can say “directed by Kevin Costner!”

With little difficulty; Ash collects the first treasure.


You will go to the Dagobah system, there you will learn from Yoda, the Jedi Master who instructed me.
As Melody, Misty, and Tracey reach Ash; you may be wondering why I haven’t ripped him a new one. To be perfectly honest, I just found Tracey to be bland as a kid; and I still do now. I can’t think of any major negatives; nor can I think of any major positives with him. He merely exists to me; which understandably doesn’t stand out as much as a horny teenager who never gets any; a chef that’s as hammy as the dishes he cooks, or an intelligent tinkerer.

After Melody once again tries to pair Ash and Misty; Jessie observes that “if you get involved with the opposite sex; you’re asking for trouble.” James agrees; so even RocketShippers aren’t left out! For that matter, how did this elaborate joke slip by the MPAA with a G rating? Hell, Khan was probably friends with Valenti. 

It's called innuendo, kids! Look it up!

Just then, Zapdos appears and Pikachu clashes with him; with lightsaber sounds no less! Huh. it took me days to find his location in X.


Don't let yourself be destroyed as Obi-Wan did.
Zapdos is captured; as is everyone else. As Lawrence III explains the great addition to his parlor; Misty is disgusted; likening it to “just something to collect, like dolls or stamps.”

(Cue me awkwardly looking at my collection of games and merchandise)

Moving right along; Lawrence III does indeed confirm he is merely a collector, which he started on an Ancient Mew card. As you can tell; he doesn’t really understand why Misty is horrified by this: As he sees it, he’s simply seeking to expand his grand design.

We would be honored if you would join us.
As for why he lets them go: I submit that he doesn’t consider them a threat; henceforth, he just goes back to going after Articuno. 

Meanwhile; Professor Oak is on his way to investigate the weather pattern; and we learn his given name is Samuel!

We also get a simplified explanation about the plot; and I do stress simplified as the company that dubbed this had a reputation about not thinking very highly of their audience. I already used the statement I’m thinking of for the inaugural edition of “Shit CEOs say” in my first Sonic X recap; so let’s move on.

Slowking laments the cold; commenting that he “could use pants.” So, as you can tell, this is our Yoda analog, our eccentric but wise mentor figure.

How you get so big eating food of this kind?
At 37 minutes in (not counting the Pikachu Rescue Adventure skit; which I’m not covering); we get Articuno; who proves to be the hardest catch of them all so far.

As Lawrence III continues his pursuit of Articuno to draw out Lugia; Jessie says the whole thing is better than an in-flight movie. Especially if that movie is Mad Max Fury Road. I honestly didn’t think we needed a 4th one of those. Not with Ultron, Jurassic World, Inside Out; and Terminator Genesis being more to my taste (with Minions, Ant-Man and the new Fantastic Four being on my radar as well).

Melody also discovers a tablet of the legend in Lawrence III’s collection. When James says all intelligent life will be destroyed; Meowth retorts that he’ll be fine. OK, I’m still really into Cinema Sins; and Jeremy has not only influenced me, but my associate SkulShurtugalTCG to do his own sinning of the movies. So, here’s an easy one.


Meowth is a dick to James.
Ash then realizes what must be done: the other Legendary Birds must be freed.

Of course, Lawrence III is blissfully unaware of all this as he continues his pursuit of Articuno. This is a classic way for a villain to go down: by setting his downfall in motion because of his own hubris. Nice job fixing it, villain!

Here is the scene I must address that was excised from the Japanese version: Tracey’s explanation involved the science behind what was going on when all of their Pokémon attacked the cages at once. What was merely a typical kids’ action movie scene here was a lot more complicated there.
Needless to say; even the powers that be must have something against Tracey for his mere existence.

I also love how nonchalant Lawrence III is in hindsight about the impending crash on Lightning Island. Dude, it’s not like getting a flat tire or locking your keys in your car; your floating palace is falling out of the sky!

Oh, how unfortunate. I'm falling to my doom. Hope my spare is inflated.

Whatever the case, this enables Ash to get the treasure of Lightning just fine.

Eluding the titans’ attacks; everyone makes it back to Shamouti Island with little more than the loss of Melody’s ship to show for it.

Ash places the treasures in their respective spaces at Slowking’s behest; but one still remains: the treasure of Ice Island.

Standing in the way of its retrieval however, are the titans in battle! All right, you all knew this was coming. 

At this moment, Lugia arises in all his glory! You have to understand, by that point; Pokémon Gold and Silver had not yet come out in America. So, this was my first exposure to this character.

Even though Lawrence III is still after Lugia; his power is still far greater than any villain!

At this; Melody remembers the legend; and here is the double meaning in the wording as Lugia is revived by the song!



Yet, even though the task is heavy; his Pokémon have the utmost confidence in him. This is yet another advantage I think he has over Alan; as he is willing to admit the whole thing is bigger than him even when he knows what he has to do.


I won't fail you, I'm not afraid. "Good, you will be; you will be."
With the encouragement of Lugia’s words; he vows to complete the task at hand as the chosen one!


I promise to return and finish what I've begun, you have my word!



So, using a piece of Melody’s boat; he speeds off towards Ice Island with the help of his Pokémon!

Even Team Rocket is eager to help; using a land speeder jury-rigged from a life raft and the tail rotor of a helicopter!

Also, I don’t know why, but the music sounds kind of like a precursor to the Mona Lisa Overdrive from The Matrix Reloaded. 

Dodging the attacks of the Legendary Pokémon; Ash collects the Ice Treasure as everyone begins their pilgrimage back to Shamouti island.

Ash mounts on Lugia’s back; but Team Rocket is forced to let go as they’re too heavy to keep hanging on to his legs! Also, no comment on the Weight Watchers reference.

It is here Lugia tells Ash of his capacity to make all the difference; as well as all that he’s done for the Pokémon who have flocked to Shamouti Island. With this, I submit that replacing him with a more cynical protagonist like Alan won’t work in the long run; because without more idealistic trainers like Ash for contrast; not only will the franchise get boring because the hero doesn’t appreciate the role he’s been given, it will get depressing and the audience will lose interest.



As for him almost drowning in comparison: hold that thought until I recap Act III of The Strongest Mega Evolution. I’m waiting till it’s dubbed. With that on the table; as well as being turned to stone in the first movie, how many more times will he have to die in order to become a Time Lord? 


Even so, Misty helps Ash back to shore in a move that many a Pokéshipper have appreciated. While I gather the Japanese version was less so; this film is the ideal pairing for them.

I love you. "I know."

So, with the last treasure in place; the ceremony is officially underway. The world is healed by a wave of mystical waters; and Melody plays the song. Well, I’ve been holding back throughout this recap since I didn’t want to blow my load too early. Here you go. 


As a reward for his duty; Ash is then given a ride of Lugia’s back, thus cementing him as a character every bit as important to me as Luke Skywalker and Indiana Jones.



Riding in tandem with the Kanto Legendary birds; this is truly the stuff dreams are made of. I’m well aware that I play this song a lot on this blog; but screw it. It’s my favorite of the original three on the milestone of it first coming stateside.




Yet, that’s not all! He is greeted by his mother and the professors. In particular; while appreciative of the world being saved; she does express concern about her son’s well-being.

So, she asks if he “could try to save the world a little closer to home.” Ash agrees; and makes good on that promise by returning home before each new phase in his journey begins.




With this, everyone else heads back to Pallet Town as Ash, Misty, Pikachu, and Tracey reflect on their adventures that day.

Take care, you two. May the Force be with you.

So, we close on Lawrence III picking up his Mew card from the wreckage of his ship; vowing to not repeat the mistakes he made last time with these solemn words: “How it all began, and how I’ll begin again…”




There are only 3 closing songs in the credits this time; which is more standard; even today. The first is the most notable; the title track “The Power of One” by Donna Summer. This disco artist brings a soulful and sweet voice to lyrics that easily represent the themes of the movie. When she died, I played this song for her. It also was erroneously used by former presidential candidate Herman Cain before he found out where it came from, but that’s neither here nor there.




So, that’s Pokémon The Movie 2000. Once again, I hope 4Kids liked their work! Can’t have any complexity in it at all! Those American children; we mustn’t make them think! They just want to be entertained!

In the pantheon of sequels; there are often many that are considered to be as good, if not better than the original in some way. They include, but are not limited to: The Godfather Part II, The Empire Strikes Back, Superman II; Aliens, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan; and my favorite movie, The Dark Knight. 

With this, I submit this film is a marked improvement over the first movie in many respects. Again, it’s no masterpiece, by any stretch of the imagination; and it’s definitely not Akira, which has the distinction of being my favorite anime film and one of my all-time favorite movies.

Even so, I don’t think it’s deserving of the scorn critics lambasted it with. The animation; while definitely not among the grander entires in the medium; is considerably flashier than a typical episode of the show in that time. Despite some dodgy CGI; the traditional animation has more variance in angles, lighting, and the way the characters move in the bigger action sequences; and the settings are very good. So, I can say it’s better than most given live-action video game movies; regardless of whether or not they’re adapting one game or talking about video games in some way (in particular, the upcoming Pixels looks terrible).


With all this on the table, it was also another big hit, with a respectable $44 million take; which, despite a drop from the first movie, still made its budget back and generated a healthy amount of buzz for Gold and Silver (which I got for my 9th birthday the following year).

I intend to look at even more of the movies in the near future; including some of the made-for-TV ones; but not right away. Due to circumstances beyond my control; I’m changing up my schedule for the next recap. You’ll just have to wait and see what the next one will be. See you, space cowboy. 

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Recap: Oolong the Terrible


Hello again; and welcome to my pig phase of my Chinese Zodiac theme. I’ve been wanting to do this episode of Dragon Ball ever since I looked at the pilot. So, let’s open up “Oolong the Terrible!”

We open on Goku and Bulma searching for more of the Dragon Balls scattered across the land. They end up finding one by Nimbus and by motorcycle. I did want to recap the episodes prior to this; but like with InuYasha, it may have been too much for the PG13 level content I try to cap myself at (though I have been known to go hard R when a work draws particular ire with me).


We then get our title card laid out over the setting.


They come across a small village; as well as the home of the chief, Sherman Priest. When Goku tries to enter, he gets an ax on the head for his trouble! Being a 12-year-old superhero, however; the ax breaks and he’s left with little more than a goose egg.

His daughter, Pocawatha, tends his wounds as Goku rather candidly examines her hardware. For obvious reasons, Cartoon Network usually cut these parts out (my copies are uncut DVD rips).

We are then told the horrors of Oolong: it seems he is a shapeshifter that preys on the daughters of the village! He has already taken three of them for his own ends; and seeks to take Pocawatha as well! 


Play the best song in the world or I'll eat your soul!
It turns out one of the villagers has another Dragon Ball; and Bulma wants it as a reward. Though she’s reluctant; she does agree if they can defeat Oolong and save the children.

After Goku tests the woman; he’s disguised as Pocawatha, much to his chagrin. He’s going to use himself as bait to draw out Oolong at Bulma’s request. 


Oolong then shows up in a white suit; carrying a bouquet of flowers in hand. He’s so in love he crashes through the sign of the village! 


Avon calling!
As the plan is set in motion, Bulma wonders where Goku learned to act. I personally ask that same question of Justin Chatwin. 

Bemused at “Pocawatha’s” charm; Oolong then turns into a debonair man in a white coat. This attracts Bulma; and Oolong is all too happy at the prospect of a new girl.

Yet, everything goes awry when Goku has to use the bathroom. Nice. He quite literally and figuratively whizzed the plan down his leg.






Oolong, outraged at this deception (hypocrisy much?) turns into a bull to face Goku as Bulma wonders what happened to the man in the trench coat. They were going to ride off on a white Bronco together!

With the plan off, Goku then casts off his disguise and decides to fight Oolong. Oolong then decides to have a “monkey-boy burrito” of him. That’s racist.



Yet, when time runs out; here is the reason I decided to recap this episode. This little piggy is the real Oolong. What you see is what you get!






Then, we get a brief explanation of his powers and why he uses them the way he does.


Text-Meet Oolong!


It turns out he went to shapeshifting school in order to learn how to transform and score chicks. The only drawback is that he can only hold one given form for 5 minutes at the most. After that, back to normal. Man, I love a hobby where I get to type things like that.

His next step to engage Goku is to turn into this quasi-Mazinger robot; then dunk him in a bowl of soup and eat him as a dumpling. It was fall 2001; we needed to feel good about ourselves after certain events of that time. 



Despite some drawbacks (such as burning himself on the soup and getting hit with a kids’ slingshot); Oolong still wants to face Goku in combat! 

After I'm through with you, I'll take care of those bothersome Power Rangers!



To test his might; he sets up an array of bricks like some Mortal Kombat minigame (I had the Genesis version; which had the edge of being able to unlock the fatalities instead of “sweating” when you get hit on the Super Nintendo. The sequels later rectified this by being released unaltered.).

Goku then breaks the bricks with one finger; and Oolong realizes he’s outmatched.


He takes everyone to his hideout; where the girls are being held. If this was any more 80s, Seth MacFarlane would be creaming himself.


Oolong then just decides they can have their kids back. He was hoping for slaves; instead he got boarders.

As promised, we close on Bulma getting her Dragon Ball with two more to go! Even so, that’s a matter for another day.





“Oolong the Terrible” is far from the fact. It’s another episode that manages to capture the fun of Dragon Ball in a single package. No amount of James Wong’s whitewashed $100 million bomb can diminish Akira Toriyama’s beloved series. I can easily say I’d be willing to go see Resurrection of F if I can find a theater near me showing it after I see the Fantastic Four reboot (Battle of the Gods was amazing last year). With some nice animation for its time and a fanciful tone; it’s a perfect case of early Dragon Ball being fun as can be (each passing season got progressively darker; and Z plunged full force into it).

As for the rat phase in the cycle: I will have to find what I want to do for that theme. Again; it could be an episode on a rodent Pokémon (there’s only been a couple stinkers in XY so far with me; one of them is related to Dedenne, even though I like that Pokémon and the fact Bonnie has been established as an anti-Max for having it in her purse like a puppy alone) or something else. We’ll see.

Monday, July 6, 2015

Recap: Seekers of the Sacred Jewel


Hello again, and welcome to the dog phase of my Chinese Zodiac theme. I wanted to have this done sooner; but this heat wave has been murder on me. On top of that, we might be moving soon and I have to really get myself in gear for my plans. 


That said, let’s talk InuYasha. This anime is an old reliable high concept: combine elements of period drama; a fish-out-of-water love story, and quite a bit of stellar action as the eponymous “dog demon” (roughly translated) slices apart yokai with his claws and a sword made from his father’s teeth; as Kagome courts him in one of the most bizarre love stories ever, but still not as bizarre as Bella Swan and Edward Cullen’s. 

I would have done the first episode; but there were too many elements that would have pushed the content past the “hard PG13” I cap my content at, or at least try to. I can easily do R when I’m having a rough time. Even so, the second episode still provides plenty of material. So, let’s open up “Seekers of the Sacred Jewel!”

After a stirring orchestral opening, we are now dealing with the aftermath of the pilot: despite the fact that the village has been saved from a massive centipede (said centipede was a key element why I decided not to recap the pilot), InuYasha is still considered a pariah by the villagers. Not that different from how Adult Swim did after 2007, really. 

Anyway, the elder, once a child that crossed paths with him; bestows a charm necklace which puts him under the control of Kagome; who is a descendant of a woman named Kikyo.  In true dog fashion; he’s quelled with a simple “sit!” 

Amid the situation; InuYasha naturally doesn’t like it one bit as he laments the whole thing with Kagome in the elder’s cabin. 

He also recognizes the elder from when she was younger. It seems one of the abilities granted to him is the inability to age. So, he’s physically and emotionally a teenager in the midst of a girl who’s a descendant of Kikyo. This is going to be fun.


Some things never change, huh?
It also turns out Kagome is in possession of the sacred jewel that relates to the episode; which keeps her safe from everything going on. Naturally, we find that many people are after it as well; wanting to use it for evil. 

I also note that Kagome is taking the fact she’s in the Warring States period shockingly well. Even as she shares some vegetables with InuYasha; she’s very accepting of the whole thing.


Even so, she does realize what’s going on by that evening. 


I just realized-I'm away from my friends and family in a time period I may not survive in!

Even as she’s kidnapped; she won’t take any shit from her captors, whose leader is possessed by a yokai! Not Whisper, thankfully: that dick splash wouldn’t survive here.

Despite the thinly-veiled sexual tension between them, InuYasha does decide to help take down their leader. 

He manages to tear the crow yokai out, but the crow swipes the jewel and flies off with it!

It’s up to Kagome to take up the bow and fight; but her marksmanship isn’t the best right off.

Still, the lush forest settings are surprisingly well-done after all these years.

Amid all the chaos, Kagome rescues a child from drowning as he gets caught in the crossfire! 

Alas, the crystal has been destroyed; and now they must spend quite a bit of time collecting the shards.



“Seekers of the Sacred Jewel” is a worthwhile experience for early InuYasha. While it has aged; and I’m not the biggest fan of the series (I was more of a Full Metal Alchemist guy), I do like its use of the period setting and dark tone in how it handles the yokai; including InuYasha himself. The animation is also great from Sunrise (Mobile Suit Gundam, Code Geass); and I may look at more in the future; since there is material. Next up: I reach pigs in the cycle, so it’s time to look at the Dragon Ball episode “Oolong the Terrible!” See you, space cowboy!