Recap: The Legend of Thunder

I haven’t been looking forward to this. From what I can gather; this is the first attempt at making a Pokémon anime separate from the mainline series. Then it took them another 10 years for them to figure out how to do it right.

Even so, you can’t expect perfection the first time; why not just…decency? Yeah, as I’m about to tell you, we didn’t really get that either. Even though TOM on Toonami did get me to see it; the problem is that in that time, there was a series that shed new perspective on a medium I love and excelled in characterization, story, and animation. It was called Full Metal Alchemist. Before you ask, yes; I am in the process of watching Brotherhood and reading the manga.

I must also point out, that by nature; my blog is opinionated, and you are free to agree or disagree with what I make. That said; let’s get this over with.

The first problem is the theme song. Generally, I expect a mixture of driving rock and orchestral music from the franchise. This is way too airy. On top of that; the lyrics don’t fit the situation at all. The first theme said “I wanna be the very best.” The second theme said “I want to take the ultimate step.” The third theme said “Everybody wants to be a master.” The fourth theme said “I’m born to be a winner.” The fifth theme said “All I have to do is believe.” One of the things I do is try to find recurring themes between episodes and seasons. This claptrap sounds like the opening to a sitcom; like Full House. You half expect to see John Stamos’ name in the credits. 

Anyway, we see our lead; Jimmy. What’s his character like? Let me put it this way: if Lucas Barton wasn’t around to wear the Power Glove in The Wizard, this would have been your man.

He and his Typhlosion face off against Shinji; who looks quite different after instrumentality, and his Hitmonlee. The first battle is surprisingly lacking for a TV special; filled with bad lines and rather stiff animation. Of course, they win.

This is my principal complaint with this special; and Pokémon Chronicles as a whole: it just tries way too hard to make Pokémon seem interesting. Rather than try to just make a series that might expand on what’s given to them in a way that’s different from what we already have, they’re essentially throwing everything at us saying; “Look, there’s other characters now! Don’t leave!” This occurs in close to every part of the series, but this special has the worst of it.

Before we proceed further, let me be perfectly clear that I like Raikou. He’s the most underrated of the Johto legendary beasts. Most people seem to like Entei or Suicune. I was quite satisfied with capturing him in OR/AS. As we’re about to see in this special, he got the short end of the stick. Entei got an emotional movie about being a surrogate father to a little girl; and Suicune is one of the guardians of the forest in his movie. Raikou really got gipped here.

We cut to a Team Rocket helicopter in canyon; where get the debut of Attila and Hun; continuing the pattern of operatives in the dub being named for infamous historical figures. As for what everyone is going to ask me: yes, I am well aware Hun was male in the Japanese version. I don’t really care, because the villains are the few things in this special that I think actually work.

They meet up with one of our standard professors with an Eastern European accent seen in, well; adventure film in general; but because it’s easier to pick one-Raiders of the Lost Ark. I still think that or the original Star Wars Trilogy would be good models to follow for any future specials; or if the time comes when they can handle a new series and make it as big a success as what we already have.

They test this machine that can absorb every amp of electricity thrown at it. It’s been a while since science class; but I’m fairly certain that large enough amounts of electricity are measured in joules.

That’s the first of many scenes in this special that strain willing suspension of disbelief; and that’s saying something given how it’s revolving around a mythical electric beast.

Back with Jimmy; he reaches a small Pokémon Center and has his Pokémon healed. He brushes Typhlosion in an unintentionally funny scene.

Then, (sighs); we get our appearance of Marina. What have they done to her? They took the first female player character from the games; Crystal, which broke down countless barriers for female fans of the franchise by not being the stereotype many expect. Unfortunately; this vapid wench manages to be everything she isn’t. She is self-obsessed to no end, and prattles about her achievements rather than actually show them in battle.

Worse than that, she’s on the phone with Vincent; who says this to Jimmy: “Look what the Gengar dragged in!” Look, I like Gengar as much as the next guy, but can’t you use something like say, “Look what the Meowth dragged in,” or “Look what the Persian dragged in?”

Yet, the banal dialogue doesn’t end there; as she hangs up with the phrase; “GTG, sweetie pie.” That’s not dated at all!

We’re even given a romantic subplot between them. I’m sorry, Questshippers; these guys have less chemistry than Anakin and Padmé! They at least asked what their lives were like and gave reasons why their relationship might not work! Here; we just have a couple schlubs whose interactions could be replicated by anyone 10 or under at Burger King!

My word, she just won’t shut up about what she’s been doing! I think maybe in hindsight, I was a bit too hard on Advanced. 

Not even Typhlosion’s chuckling can satisfy me.

They decide to have a battle. Marina precedes this by saying how much she wants to make people happy. You’re failing miserably. We’re only 10 minutes in, folks. This special is feature-length. If you ever decide to watch this, I don’t recommend doing it sober.

She even refers to Lance as “fabu-Lance.” If I’m ever held hostage, this would be the point where I’d crack. She also has a book full of items of him; almost to a stalker degree.

She sends out her Jigglypuff, which has the rather common name of Pink. I’d trust her to be a Pokémon trainer more than Marina. 

Jimmy then counters with Beedrill. We actually have Jigglypuff’s song cut off here! This does not bode well.

Yet, Marina will not stop babbling about what she’s done; even insinuating that she could turn this into a routine called “Jigglypuff Jam” or “Victory Vogue.” How about no?!

Then, it switches to Typhlosion and Croconaw. I honestly don’t care what’s happening right now. Then; the sky goes dark and lightning comes down. Attila and Hun even wonder if Raikou is real. Do teenagers play children’s card games?

Then, Attila starts grabbing all the electric Pokémon in sight.

Then, Raikou appears over the hill, much to Jimmy and Marina’s amazement and my indifference. He wrecks the machine in some music leftover from the first movie; and  much accidental innuendo from Attila and Hun.

It’s amazing how disenchanted that Jimmy and Marina sound when Raikou could be in danger. It’s like Willy Wonka saying “Help. Police. Murder”. That’s how I feel about this special.

It’s only after witnessing the torture has happened throughout much of this portion that Jimmy decides to intervene. The second act doesn’t get a whole lot better; folks.

It is here I have to address, yet again; a widespread belief towards these specials and the idea that we need them. The rationale behind this belief is simply because we have other characters; it automatically makes them good and the story good; right? Wrong! You need to establish said characters and give us reasons to care about them. If you don’t; you end up with The Legend of Thunder!

I mean, it really says something when Attila, Hun; and Professor Sebastian, who’s essentially a discount Toht from Raiders of the Lost Ark stick out at me more than a pair of trainers that Bill and Ted would deem “bogus!” They’d actually make better trainers, too!

So, Act II begins with Jimmy and Marina facing off against Attila and Hun; who have Steelix and Skarmory out. Yet, they’re no match for them. Attila then sets his sights on Raikou, or as he calls it, “Thunder Wonder.” I’ve heard people call Raikou many things. “Thunder Wonder” is not one of them.

Even so, both parties are forced to retreat. Marina then says, “the reviews are in, and you’re amazing, Little Miss!” The same can’t be said for this special, especially not in my case.

Jimmy tries to help Raikou with his Typhlosion; but Raikou will have none of it. He tries approaching him; but despite his claims, I really don’t care what he plans to do.

Back at the Pokémon Center, Professor Elm claims that if Raikou is healed; he’ll become withdrawn and depressed; which isn’t entirely accurate. Other stories point out while the physical injuries heal; the emotional pain does often remain. You’re a professor, you should know this! The number of plot holes in this keeps growing.

While Raikou is being healed, Attila laments the loss of him while he repairs the quasi-ED209 he used. “It would’ve been mine if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids!” This is like the MAD parody of the show likening it to those who can’t take the suspense of Scooby-Doo! Do you understand this!

Hun even remarks its power. Hell, it took me an hour or so to get my Raikou in OR/AS, and at least half that was trying to find its Mirage Spot!

That night, Marina says life is too short and glorious to be depressed. I can’t really touch that statement. Not only because it’s one of the few lines in the special that’s not totally Michael Bay-fied; but I agree with it; and it actually sounds like something Crystal might say. Notice how I’m saying Crystal, because it’s inherently clear that Marina is NOT Crystal. Crystal is a character that wasn’t a stereotypical female character; and she was well-rounded enough that anyone could relate to her, regardless of gender. The same can’t really be said for Marina. It’s a shame, really, almost tragic the way this special ruined her.

Also, Eusine has come in, but he’s been renamed “Eugene” for this special. He wasn’t called that in the games before and since; and he wasn’t called that in any of the Master Quest episodes that featured him. So, I don’t feel a need to use the new name. Just as I refuse to use the Pokémon Company’s pronunciation of Alan on the grounds that it sounds pretentious.

We are then introduced to Kudo; who isn’t a teenage detective who gets aged backwards into a kid, sadly. Marina then starts gushing about Eusine’s cape, who tells her not to touch it. Now that’s actually kind of funny.

We’re only at the halfway point; and Kudo asks if “the men who attacked are from Team Rocket.” Well, technically one of them’s a man. The other is a subject you may want to look into more. I know I’ll need to.

Officer Jenny deduces that they want to use Raikou to-what else?-Take over the world. Of course! Jimmy declares this will not stand! This aggression will not stand, man! 

He then says he’ll protect Raikou no matter what. Oh come on! It couldn’t BE in worse hands! I wouldn’t trust him with my 3DS, much less that! I should have mailed it to the Marx brothers!

Sure enough, Raikou breaks out of the hospital so fast that Jimmy can do nothing about it! What a shock! Also, Jimmy is voiced by Sean Schemmel, who I know can do better! His Goku is great; but his voice acting in that scene is incredibly stilted! “I’M TRAPPED IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION!”

Again, THIS is a character that’s supposed to be alternative to what we already have? I’m sorry; but I think Jimmy is a terrible alternative to Ash, as is Chronicles to the mainline series! Every complaint people have about the mainline series is still there; amplified tenfold! Anyone who thinks that they can get something from this that they couldn’t from the mainline series is deluding themselves!

Thus, Eusine must go after Raikou with everyone else in tow; save for Kudo. Well, that was pointless!

Also, is it just me, or does Hun’s line about how “the crystal’s attraction is increasing” sound dirty out of context?

Hun sends out Steelix; and we get more bullshit about the crystal and the machine that just feels ludicrous in this context.

Also, I know it’s a TV movie; but the animation’s not really up to par with what we would see in an actual episode from the same time period. Raikou REALLY got shafted amongst the Johto legendary beasts. The movies that featured them actually had budgets to show them off.

Jimmy reengages Attila and Hun; and really don’t care what happens to these guys. Attila then declares it’s rodeo time. 

Then, Vincent shows up with his Meganium. We’re 36 minutes into this movie and we’re still introducing principal characters? What is this? The Maze Runner? Divergent? Who cares?

Yet, he’s an even worse lead and actor than everyone else in this dog. Attila thinks they’ve “silenced the naysayers.” You wish, Attila. There’s still at least a half hour left to this trash.

They just stand there for 30 seconds before any of them get the idea to attack the machine! Also, Vincent’s Meganium can apparently use Solar Beam Without charging. Attila likens the situation to “three people squeezing on a giant zit.” I was thinking more that it’s less entertaining than an anime about Koga, Bruno, and Agatha filing their taxes.

Despite their best efforts; Raikou is captured, something Eusine describes as “tragedy, misfortune, and woe.” Sounds like this special in a nutshell.

Also, it turns out Marina’s been captured as well. So, the chickification of her character is complete.

She somehow manages to disconnect the engines and cargo hold; and frees Raikou.

As act two ends; it’s clear that my opinion of it hasn’t changed since I was younger. When I was 11, I hated this special because it made no sense. Now that I’m 24; it’s still nonsense, What’s worse, however, is that I don’t even care that it’s nonsense. The leads are completely ineffectual; Raikou is wasted; and I actually remember the villains more than anything else about it. Someone once told me that “it’s better than Ash learning the same lesson.” I say, the same lesson is better than NO lesson! There’s no real indication that Jimmy is learning anything, at all from his experience, and I honestly don’t think he will!

We’re entering act three; folks, and if you thought the first two acts of this movie were tedious, this drags on, and on; and on. My last statement before I get to the meat of this is that with the series proper; I never understood why people watched it to get away from Ash. The few episodes of Chronicles I liked when I was 11 were ones that reinforced how much his friends enjoyed the time they spent with him even though they don’t see him as often as they used to.

Attila and Hun realize their catch has been dropped; and decide to go after Raikou. Get used to that, folks; this last part of the special has a lot of it. 

Vincent is bugging out at the fact that Marina has been kidnapped. Shut up, Vincent! You make me want a lobotomy!

Eusine says that “Team Rocket isn’t known for their gentleness.” Yeah, they kind of went off the deep end when they bashed in Marowak’s head. He then says “we can’t just do something to do something.” Damn it, Morpheus! Not everyone believes what you believe! See, I can do it too, it’s not hard. 

He tells Jimmy to remain calm as Vincent continues mugging. Shut up, Vincent!

He calls Marina, but we actually waste time as Attila plays keep-away with it. This is more padded than George Clooney’s rubber codpiece in Batman and Robin!

Vincent is so unwise that he actually gets her in further trouble! You fucked it up! You fucked it up! Her life was in your hands! We don’t get shit, they’re gonna kill her!

Eusine can also, apparently triangulate the position via the call log! Totally! That’s how they got Saddam!

So, with Marina now a hostage akin to Daphne Blake; they start making plans for special attacks such as “Attila Thunderbolt” and “The Hun Shockwave.” If you were to propose those to Smogon, they’d laugh you out of their forums.

Hun gives the order to “launch the signal,” and I really wish Chitauri invaders were being guided to that beacon.

Eusine then goes “Cross-country” as he guns the engine! 

Attila then sees something that’s not Raikou. No shit, Sherlock!

They arrive on the scene, and Vincent starts babbling about how he’s going to let Team Rocket have it! Shut up, Vincent!

After some banter between them all; they deduce that Raikou is missing. A massive lightning storm occurs; and Marina is rescued-by Beedrill. That’s actually the LEAST implausible thing about this anticlimax. I didn’t even find the final battle of Groudon and Kyogre in Advanced Battle as bad as this!

So, there’s more pathetic shipping fuel here. “You call this a diplomatic solution?” “I call it aggressive negotiations.”

There’s quite a few still frames in this final battle. I haven’t seen the last episodes of Evangelion yet; but I imagine this is even more stiff.

Raikou destroys the control panel of the machine, and the crystal goes out of control. Out of nowhere; it’s friends with our protagonists, since I honestly hesitate to call these clowns heroes at this point. Thankfully, it’s almost over, but I think there were fewer endings in The Return of the King!

After some technobabble between Attila and Hun; the crystal continues to reel in Raikou. There’s a bunch of bullshit about how they’ll be legends that will never be forgotten; but I remember this worse than I remember Whatever Happened to Robot Jones, which should tell you something. Also, you may have to Google that last show.

The trainers then vow to form their own legend. My word, if this goes on any longer; I think we’l be back at the shire! That’s a real legend!

As they marvel at their trap; Hun claims their plan is “almost like a law of physics.” No offense, Hun; but I think your grasp of physics is about as sound as the idea that “particles of light are made of many atoms!” 

They then decide to make one last ditch effort to stop the machine and save Raikou. Stop. Don’t. Come back.

Also, I can’t even touch Attila’s description of this as “a suicide mission.” No comment.

What comes next; however, is even worse. “Put on your raincoats, and your galoshes too!” …

GOLD! DOES NOT! WEAR! GALOSHES! That’s where it dawned on me! Gold is not Jimmy! Eusine is not Eugene! Crystal is not Marina, and this is not a good special! That’s it! I’m wrapping it up right here!

Attila sends out Muk; Raikou is freed; and all Hell essentially breaks loose. The final battle is a hodgepodge of reused animation and still shots amid a storm of wisecracks and poorly-defined characters. Raikou saves everyone, and we’re thankfully spared further adventures from these stooges. 

I’ll let you know now: no Pokémon deserves to be shafted the way Raikou was. Not even Gothita. Sadly, this special is essentially a microcosm of all my problems with Chronicles. This is the beginning of the delusion that we are deserving of a grand series for our demographic; which the powers that be will not supply. The reality is that these are the dregs of whatever wastebasket the mainline series throws rejected ideas in; and we swallowed it because we thought we were getting better.

My point is, not even the best series can create a good script and compelling characters out of nothing. If you want to see this special done right, go watch the third and fourth movies again. Better yet, if you’re so afraid about liking the series; but wanting it to change, go watch something else. Take a break from it. Don’t settle for something that’s basically screaming, “Look! We have other characters now, don’t leave!” Then you can approach the mainline series again with a perspective that shows you that it isn’t the worst of its kind. I remember my favorite stories because they’re worth remembering. No one is going to remember this load except as the Batman and Robin of the franchise. It is that bad. In all fairness, if you like this special and Chronicles, then I honestly can’t convince you that you’re wrong anymore than you can get me to like this. It’s never going to happen.

Given how heavy this was; I think things can only improve from here.

Oh, now we’re talking. Keep an eye out for my recap of Mastermind of Mirage Pokémon. Bang.