Recap: A Perfect Match

Hello again. It's Bakugan time again. This makes it Bakugan recap number four. It's

such a perplexing series. It's undeniably bad, but for some reason, we always wanted to watch

it. We are fully aware that it's a vehicle for a trading card game and trading figure game, and

borrows heavily from other series of its type.

The series does have fans that genuinely like it, but I have made it a point that it could

be more than what it settles for. Simply making it a kid's anime does not excuse it from laziness,

when it could be a far more memorable series than merely a composite of Pokémon, Digimon,

and Yu-Gi-Oh.

So, why do I find it so bad? That is the question that Bocaj Nosirrah raised. I find it bad

that it has to resort to the obvious ways of selling toys. I find it bad that the makers of the

anime simply use the fact that it's for children as an excuse to not try. I find it bad that TMS,

a studio that provided some of the best animation in the industry, is using lackluster animation;

especially since the first season came out the same year as Gurren Lagann.

Let's just dispense with the pleasantries, and I shall get started on Bakugan recap 4,

“A Perfect Match.”

The opening has not changed a bit. Same intro, same grungy theme song, same block

text title card. This does not bode well.

We open in Australia.  As much as they cut corners on the animation, I admit the design of the gorge where this episode starts off is actually quite nice. It would be good as a painting or a photograph.

This is Ash. I mean Ash. I mean Ash. I mean Billy! I have attached an image showing

the similarities between the two characters. We're in trouble already.

Billy chastises his friend Julie for not having a talking Bakugan. The Bakugan's name

is Cycloid. Wasn't that a Go-Bot?

Billy continues to talk down to Julie about not having a talking Bakugan. After all,

they are available at your local toy and game outlet.

So, at roughly 4 minutes in, we get our first battle, and once again, we go into bullet

time as well as the Star Gate.

Billy unleashes a wolf Bakugan called Hynoid. He also addresses Julie as a Baku-babe.

Julie's reaction to this is to dance a little and summon her own Bakugan, Battloid, another brown

snake. I've been having these weird Stevia-based sodas while taking the notes for this recap,

and they kept me awake due to the battle-not because they had caffeine, but because they

more or less tasted like window cleaning fluid.

We also discover that Julie is not above insulting a friend she's had since childhood.

I don't know about you, but when I have a friend since childhood, I generally like to stay on

speaking terms with them. Another weird thing is that Billy's chin seems to have grown

tremendously. It's like the offspring of Jay Leno and Bruce Campbell.  

The battle continues, and I still can't figure out the logic behind the Gs. I'm solid with

Pokémon types (even if they don't always make sense, like Psychic over Grass), monster,

spell, and trap cards in Yu-Gi-Oh, and even though I've never officially played Magic the

Gathering; I've grown to respect it since coming of age. Still, I cannot fathom the system

of Bakugan. Element types I can figure out, but they never explain how the Gs work at all.

Julie summons another Bakugan to the field, a mastodon-like creature called Tuskor.

It's Morphin' Time! Mastodon!

Billy replies by summoning Cycloid to the field. For some reason, the animators

decide to have his hat fly off when he summons a Bakugan a certain way. There's no real

logic behind it. At least when other anime do it, they set it up. They can't just do it randomly

and expect people to laugh.

Then, Cycloid makes his hand grow and smashes Julie's Gate Card into pixie dust.

Billy then orders Cycloid to attack Tuskor, and “give him a love tap.” Why do I find that dirty?

Julie then summons her last Bakugan, a Sphinx called Minion. I much prefer the little

yellow lab workers.

Billy summons Cycloid again, and once again, his hat flies off. I don't get why that happens. When other anime do that, it's funny. Billy wins the battle; and continues to belittle

Julie for not having a talking Bakugan. You're really not helping your case, anime.

Billy remarks that he got his Cycloid in Bakugan Valley. Wait. There's a Bakugan Valley?

I suppose it's near Pokémon Park, Digimon Island, or Yu-Gi-Oh Peninsula! He goes on to say

he just found Cycloid lying there in the valley. That's not something to be impressed by.

If you just find a toy lying on the ground, you can go ahead and take it.

Back at home, Julie goes on Chat Roulette to take out her frustrations. She confers with

Dan, Runo, Marucho, and Alice. Julie claims she does not need a talking Bakugan to make her

happy. When did this turn into Degrassi?  

She calls Billy a “loudmouth.” I think he acted more like a douche for someone who's

supposed to be a childhood friend. Dan confides in Drago, Runo in Tigrera, and Marucho in

Preyas. All these talking Bakugan do not make Julie feel any better. I think this angsting requires

a song.  

Julie looks at a toy horse and cowboy that Billy gave her when she was younger. The

flashbacks in this episode remind me of Myself Yourself. Listen, if you want to make Myself

Yourself season 2, make Myself Yourself season 2.

The next day, Julie goes into Bakugan Valley to search for her perfect match, if you'll

pardon the title drop. All that happens is that she tumbles down a hill, gets swarmed by scorpions

and bats, and constantly repeats the word “icky”, which I'm sure no 13-year-old girl uses.

You think darkness is your ally? I was raised in it! The darkness betrays you.

We then get our ad bumpers for the episode. One is a case of fan service for the fathers

and older boys watching, the other is a spoiler.  

Julie returns home, and she now feels even worse about not having a talking Bakugan.

Look, there's only so much of this a child can take. They seem to be going out of their way

to make Julie into a stereotypical teenage girl, complete with her being a total drama queen.

She actually cries to herself about not having a talking Bakugan. Oh, knock it off.

It will pass. Remember Tamagotchi and Furby? I sold the former, and I know a guy whose father got sick of the latter and ripped the batteries out of it. (Note: I am aware that Furby is

planned to be put back on the market this holiday season. May God help us all.)

Just then, a talking Bakugan hears Julie's pleas as he appears in her bookshelf. For some

reason, he sounds like a combination of Brad Garrett and Bluto.

The Bakugan introduces himself as Gorem. Standard. Julie promptly begins fawning over him like when girls found out Robert Pattinson is single again.

The next day, Julie again meets with Billy. Also, they're reusing animation again.

Why does it look like this? Pokémon isn't this blatant about it; and when you look at a series

like Bleach or One Piece, it looks good! It looks almost theatrical!

Julie then proclaims to Billy that the situation will be different this time, because she

now has a talking Bakugan.

And so can you! Run out to the toy store and get yours! Yoko commands you!

Billy and Julie have another battle, and once again, it goes into bullet time. Why

are we showing a tumbleweed in bullet time? For that matter, why is there a tumbleweed in

Australia?

The first Bakugan is summoned, Wormquake. Wormquake is then quickly dispatched.

I can't believe this dreck. Here's another song for this occasion.

As Billy summons his Bakugan, his hat once again flies off. The continuity is awful

too. It's back on in the next shot even though we didn't see him put it back on.

Julie then has an over the top reaction, a standard feature of most anime of its type.

Gorem then tells Julie it's time to put him in. Put him in, Julie! It can't be as bad as when you

threw your cousin's Transformers in!

So, Julie gets ready to finally summon Gorem. For some reason, this makes her glow

red as she kicks up her heel, as if this turned into reruns of Jem.

Jem! Jem is excitement! Ooh, Jem! Jem is adventure!

Gorem shows his power by bonking Billy's Bakugan on the head. OK. So, that's Gorem.

He powers up even further to combat Billy.

I HAVE THE POWER!

Cycloid comes back onto the field, and attacks again! My god, anime! Quit dragging

this shit out!

Cycloid's hammer breaks, and Gorem finishes the match with one punch. And there

was much rejoicing. (Yay.)

Back at home, Julie shows her friends Gorem. Look at how little he is! There is more

shilling and Jar Jar Binks behavior from Preyas, and the episode ends. So that's Gorem.

My word, this was awful. About that question Bocaj Nosirrah raised, I started this

blog to say that people who make anime shouldn't have to resort to clichés and

plagiarism, when far more memorable series could be made instead.

True to being the fourth Bakugan recap, “A Perfect Match” is definitely the worst

of the four episodes I've recapped here. I am not doing any more recaps of the original

series. Next time I do a Bakugan recap, I'm moving on to New Vestroia.

I also notice that September is coming, so I think I'll make all the recaps for that month

of one series. I won't say which one yet. Let's just say it's an anime I have a deep personal

hatred for. Steven out.