Recap: A Combination Battle

My second Bakugan recap is underway, and this one was a lot harder. This show

was incredibly bad, and I am baffled at how it became popular. So naturally, picking another

episode to recap was necessary.

After some deliberation, I chose “A Combination Battle.” This episode is proof that

making an episode revolve entirely around a battle is ingratiating. There is truly nothing

salvageable in this episode, making me glad and disappointed that I chose it to examine.

So, let's get started. We get the same intro about the enchanted cards and the monsters

and how Dan and his friends made a game out of it. Same old grungy theme song, same stock

block text and tech title card.

Unless it involves Backdoor Raw Thrills, I'm not interested.

We open on an amusement park. Dan and Runo are there, arguing over what they should

do next. I notice that Runo is dressed like she's going to go cheerleading-in Oregon.

Anyway, there is banter over whether or not they should ride the roller coaster or the

Ferris wheel next. Dan is in favor of the roller coaster, and Runo wants the Ferris wheel. Runo

claims she should choose, since she has ride tickets left and Dan bought corn dogs with his money. That was stupid. For what you pay for one corn dog at an amusement park, you could

go to the grocery store and buy an entire box of them.  

Rabbit season! Duck season! Rabbit season! Duck Season!
Rabbit season! Rabbit season! Duck season! Fire!

Drago (Dan's Pyrus Dragonoid Bakugan- I still can't believe I'm typing those words)

and Tigrera (Runo's Haos Tigeroid Bakugan- Seriously, what the heck?) talk about the

situation and comment that they may never understand human behavior.  

Their argument goes on for about a minute and a half before they notice a magic show taking place and decide to go watch it.

There are two magicians there, and they call Dan and Runo to the stage; where they

ask Dan to do a card trick for them.

So, you're saying if I pick a red suit, I'll win?

Dan chooses a card from the deck. Surprise surprise! It's a doom card. Since I skipped

few episodes for this recap, I'll explain: these are cards given to brawlers by Masquerade, who

is the villain for most of this season. These take away Bakugan upon losing and make it so

they do not come back. As for Masquerade himself? Long story. Let's just say I got backdraft

from watching this show and making fun of it the first time, as I was unfamiliar with it and

was just doing so to mock it.

The magicians are named Kenta and Kenji, who challenge Dan and Runo to a combination battle. I should point out that first they ripped of the better part of popular shows

in the Mons genre of anime, now it seems they ripped off the Katayanagi brothers from

Scott Pilgrim, a graphic novel series and film that I can't tell you how much I love. The volume

where they were featured was published before this episode's first American airing, so here's

some screencaps for you to gauge the similarities.

Anyway, Dan and Runo accept the battle. We get another slow-motion effect, but at

least it doesn't look as crappy this time, and they admittedly got better at doing this with time.

Kenta makes the first move, using what seems to be this episode's toy plug, a gauntlet

for throwing Bakugan. He summons what I can only describe as a Cannon Nipple Rocket

Ranger. It's actually called Robattalion, but I still like my name better.  

Besides the fact that Dan and Runo are still bitching at each other, they actually

forgot to put in the background in this screencap. I know this show typically uses a barrage

of swirling colors for battling, but come on. If you're going to give us an assault on our

eyeballs on par with Joel Schumacher's sets in Batman Forever, at least keep it consistent.

Dan counters with Griffon (Only $4.95! Run out to the toy store now!); but the

Red Battlezord is upon him and Griffon is sent to the doom dimension.

The twins start spouting a bunch of magic puns at around six minutes in. Is it any

wonder why people that aren't kids find this show a pain?

Kenji summons another mantis, but it is a Darkus monster; and apart from its attribute,

the only difference appears to be that it is black and purple instead of brown.

Runo summons a snake to try and take down the mantis, but it doesn't work and is sent

to the doom dimension. All throughout the battle, there is a lot of talk about the monsters

with the most Gs doing damage. I can't tell you about how the battle system works.

It confuses me a great deal.

So, we have Bruce Ironstaunch on the attack again. Load the stock footage of Dan

throwing his Bakugan around!

Dan's next Bakugan is a Pyrus monster named Saurus. I only know this because it

resembles a triceratops standing on its hind legs. Are you for real?

It has a powerup in Gs by eating fire or some crap like that. I don't know, they don't

explain it very well.

Kenji uses this centipede called Centinoid to take out Saurus. Ugh. We're just now halfway through and I already feel uneasy. I need a root beer.

We get our commercialized ad bumpers. One of Drago and Dan, and another of Tigrera

and Runo, whose pose was likely put in for all the dads watching this with their kids.

Runo summons her Saurus, this time in Haos. I really don't like using this terminology.

Kenta counters with a knight called Siege. I really hate putting a battle down to bullet points.

Siege readies his saber, and Drago counters with Boosted Dragon. Yeah, I think we

all know how Boosted Dragon turned out. So, Dan and Runo get their first hit on their opponents at 12 minutes in.

Kenji brings out a crappy Darkus demon, and Kenta brings out an eye nipple wing demon. Huh. The eye nipple wing demon sends out an attack called Backfire. I think the term

is controlled burn, but OK.

Runo brings out Tigrera. It just reminds me of the Tigerzord from season 2 of Mighty

Morphin Power Rangers, a show that I'd rather be watching right now.

By the way, you can't see this right now, but the Bakugan don't move their mouths

when they talk. This isn't some sort of artistic license, there is no reason why the monsters

shouldn't be able to move their mouths when they talk.

This episode certainly has a lot of padding in this battle. Through some convoluted talk,

a card is played that gives them the upper hand. The twins act surprised, but the plot holes

gave away their intentions.

They play a Machete ability (not the Machete I like) in a last ditch attempt to get ahead,

but Drago talks in a way I don't understand and Dan and Runo win. That was a ripoff.

Dan and Runo run off, and they start another argument. This time, Dan wants to go

on the Ferris wheel, and Runo wants to go on the roller coaster. What a trite way to end the

episode.

You're the winner! You're the winner! You're the winner!
Wait. Pronoun trouble. I'm the winner. Yep. I'm the winner, all right!
I'm the winner! I'm the winner!

A Combination Battle further proves the ineptitude of Bakugan. There is so little to

be gained from what is there. Never have I seen a show this bad. It no longer holds the title

of the worst anime I've seen (that honor goes to Code Geass R2), but it is still nigh intolerable.

The fact that it makes little attempt to hawk its cheesy wares does not help matters. Now, I shall start work on my anime movie recap.

Quick Update on the Second Bakugan recap.

Hi guys.

I know I said I was going to recap the fifth episode of Bakugan after the first one, but I rewatched it and discovered it wasn't the one I was thinking of using for the material. So instead, I'm watching the sixth episode.

I hope to have it up by this weekend with this correction. Thank you.

Recap: Bakugan-The Battle Begins

Hello everyone. As I said, I am going to get a couple little Bakugan recaps out; then

spend the rest of April working on a recap of a feature-length anime movie to be released in

May, when the summer movie season begins (that month has me looking forward to The Avengers and Men In Black 3/Men In Black 3D.).

I really hate Bakugan. While I admit the game it tries to sell is an interesting concept (a

combination of a trading card game and a trading figure game); it's just not for me. The anime

on the other hand, is an incoherent mishmash of Pokémon, Yu-Gi-Oh, Digimon, Beyblade,

B-Daman, and pretty much every other merchandise-driven anime that's come out in the last 15

years. The characters are cardboard cutouts, the animation is garbage, and the story just makes

no sense.

Yet, it has proved to be consistently popular despite all my hopes that it will fail. Harald

Zwart is making a movie based on it at Universal. It is part of a new subgenre of movies based

on toys spawned from the success of the Transformers trilogy and its accompanying goods.

Thanks to YouTube, a good viewership of the show comes from its snark bait from all

its faults; which is starting to outnumber its true fans. I belong to the former. So, let's begin with

the first episode of a tale of a boy and his baubles, “Bakugan: The Battle Begins.”

We begin with a boy claiming that his entire world changed when cards began falling from the sky. They appeared on all four corners of the earth. They also had these little balls

that turned into gargantuan monsters when they were placed on the cards. So, the boy and his

friends; connected through the internet, decided to do the first logical thing: turn it into a game

for everyone to enjoy. I will make a statement that the Bakugan Wiki lists the average age of the

people in the first season as no more than 13. It's no more different than a 10-year-old owning a

factory or a college-age person leaving to start his own social network where people congregate.

The boy calls himself Dan, stating his friends Runo (A girl), Marucho (a rich boy), Julie

(another girl), “Mr. Hot Shot Himself” Shun (Another boy), and Alice (a third girl) form the

Bakugan Battle Brawlers.  

We then get our theme song, which is a fairly standard rock song to this type of show.

It has a lot of Nickelback-like quiet-loud-quiet-loud bleating and guitar crunching. The type

of song that you don't like to listen to, but won't be able to get out of your head.

We then get our title card. It's fairly stock, with block text on this techie background.

Our setting is a humble home in-Tokyo? Hong Kong? Seoul? I don't know, they don't really tell us where this is until later in the season. Dan runs into the house and up the stairs

to his room. His mother, who is doing yoga, tells him that lunch has been prepared.  

One thing that amused me after missing it the first time, is that Dan appears to have a

doll in his room. I'm not one to judge. I am a bit of a Brony. I talked my mom into giving me

her McDonald's Applejack, and ordered a McDonald's Rainbow Dash off eBay. Oh, gotta focus,

only a minute and a half or so in.

Dan takes a small box out of a drawer. He opens the box and takes three of his Bakugan out.

He dashes out the door as soon as he comes in. He heads out into the center of town. His mother is still doing her yoga as he bikes out with no safety equipment. (Note-I'm not sure

what helmet laws are in Japan, but every time I've seen an anime or read a manga, nobody

seems to be wearing any safety gear whenever extreme sports focus. Maybe there's less concern

about the head being busted open like a ripe melon. I don't know.)

This is going straight up my nose!

Dan makes it to the park and we get two stereotypes for the price of one-a short kid, and

a massive fat kid at the 3-minute mark. They must have been having a sale. For the life of me,

I can't remember their names. Maybe the ham and the chocolate bunny from Easter helped me

block them out.

Meanwhile, back at the house, Dan's father comes home for lunch. He goes over to the fridge and joyfully exclaims there's pudding there. Yeah, I don't get how this is supposed to

be funny, either.

We cut back to the park, where the fat kid challenges Dan to a battle at the short kid's

behest. Dan agrees. I hope you enjoyed these past four minutes, because we are now leaving

this show's field of restraint.

They open the field needed to play the Bakugan game, and time slows down. We get

some rubbish CGI effects of birds flying and the pudding falling down. I've made screencaps

of them to prove it. Take my word for it when I say they're not much better in motion.

The playing field for Bakugan is a swirling void of colors. Most anime that sell things

take different approaches on how to justify their wares in-universe. However, while

Pokémon turned the pixelated world of the games into expansive forests, deserts, and cities;

Digimon had their Digital World take elements from our world; and Yu-Gi-Oh had leagues

of environments to play in; the field of Bakugan is a garish mess. I know most shows use

digital coloring in this day and age; but this expanse looks of bad airbrush effects.

The fat kid makes the first move, summoning a Bakugan that looks like a stone mantis.

It is of the Subterra element. Dan counters with a bird of the Pyrus element. I will address the

stupidity of the names for elements in a moment. The battle drags on for at least six minutes

of a numbering system and gameplay mechanics I can't figure out. It's a good thing I don't care.

The game ends, Dan wins, and the pudding falls on the floor.

We get an ad bumper that portrays the toy-er, monster that kids should ask their parents

for. (Only $9.99! Available at Target, Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Toys “R” Us, and game and hobby shops everywhere!)

That night, Dan talks with his friends through some Skype-like video calling service.

He brags about his victory, and Runo (the girl with blue hair and an outfit like a Dominatrix

Barbie) retorts that he is ranked at #121 of the top 1000. He fires back that he's at #117. Runo

replies that Shun is at #1. Julie (the girl with the silver hair and pink training gear) notes that even that bit of progress is worthy of a kiss. She then kisses the monitor, which freaks out Dan. Marucho (the nerd, who is wearing glasses and has hair like a Kewpie doll) states not to worry about that and keep practicing. Alice (the redhead girl) muses what the situation will be like in a few years. For instance, will this game still be popular?

We cut to a dojo, where we see Shun. In purple clothes, a slicked hairstyle, and a stock

pout, you can tell that he's this emo ninja character that we get in these shows after people

took notice of Sasuke from Naruto. (Side note: I just found Sasuke to be bland. I didn't hate

him as much as other people did.)

We then get this infodump about the world of Bakugan, called Vestroia. Which contains

six elements: Pyrus (Fire), Aquus (Water), Ventus (Air), Subterra (Earth), Haos (Light), and Darkus (Darkness). I think this a really stupid naming system. It would be much easier to use

the element names instead of make up some crap that makes the spell-checker in my word

processor go nuts.

The talking goes on about this conflict and otherworldliness. I don't know. I personally

think it's too complicated for kids to follow, and I'm trying to keep from falling asleep.

The next day, the fat kid challenges Dan to another battle. Dan agrees again. The fat

kid uses the Darkus element now (god, I can't believe I brought myself to type that), and actually manages to get the upper hand.

We get more stock footage of Dan throwing his Bakugan around, and something surreal

happens as a gateway to another dimension comes in.

My god, it's full of stars!

A dragon Bakugan comes in, and falls into Dan's hand for use. Dan then quickly wins

the match.

Back at home, Dan marvels at his new Bakugan. It is a Dragonoid class, and he decides

to name it Drago. He hears it speak, but brushes it off and just claims he needs to lay off the soda. I'm going to need more of it if I'm doing another recap of this show soon.

“Bakugan: The Battle Begins” is a droll exercise in the world of half-hour toy commercials. There is so much going on, yet so little reason to be invested, that it is not

only a stupid attempt to cash in on a crowded market, but a boring one. Don't go away, folks.

I have one more Bakugan recap to give you before I start work on my movie recap.  

Bakugan Episode 1 Recap complete.

I have finished my recap of Bakugan: The Battle Begins. I will post it once daylight comes.

That's all for now.

Bakugan, Bakugan, and More Bakugan.

Hello guys.

I'm just going to do a couple shorter recaps this month. They're going to be about Bakugan, an anime I really hate.

My plan is to quickly get out some recaps of the first episodes of my choosing for this month, then spend the rest of the time working on my first recap of a feature-length anime movie; due out in May for the start of the big summer movie season. That way, those of you who can't go out, sit in a dark room for two hours or so with a massive bag of popcorn and a soda served a cup the size of a fish bowl can read my take on an anime movie that has not aged well. I won't say which one, but it should kill some time if The Avengers is sold out where you live.

The Bakugan recaps will be of the first and fifth episodes of the first season, Bakugan Battle Brawlers. If they go over well, I will do recaps of select episodes of New Vestroia and Gundalian Invaders. Trust me, it doesn't get any better.

Until next time, I bid you good night.