"Punishment Awaits: The House of Fortune is a Monster Mansion" Review (Sailor Moon Uncut)

Happy Halloween everyone: seeing as how this year has brought about many frights from things we cannot see, I thought for this review; I would look at one of the Sailor Moon episodes that was never seen in the original Dic/Cloverway dub (now both divisions of Media DHX), only seeing the light of day when the subtitled/uncut dub was released in 2014. I shall get into why below. So, let's open up "Punishment Awaits: The House of Fortune is a Monster Mansion!"

After the intro song, an introduction to Usagi Tsukino ("Serena" in English) and a brief summary of what's about to go down; we open proper on a scene in the city of an old fortune teller. Jadeite ("Jedite" in English) then sees this an opportunity to get at the Silver Crystal; observing the line while wearing a black hat; black trench coat and sunglasses at night. Maybe he's just trying to keep track of visions in his eyes?

Anyway, while Queen Beryl is still skeptical of Jadeite's intentions; he assures her that the plan he has to get the crystal is sound.

The next day, Umino ("Melvin" in English) bumps into Usagi at school; who has very amorous feelings for Usagi, even going so far to make his own LCD dating simulator game! ... It was 1992, probably not that different than all the, shall we say; candid Splatoon fan art I've seen over the last five years.

Yet, Umino is told to go to the "House of Fortune" in the Juon district that just opened. Because those aren't red flags at all: a place that just opened in a location that has a similar name to a now-iconic Japanese horror film!

That night, while Umino goes to the "House of Fortune," Usagi goes to see the fortune teller across the street; who is reporting a dip in business since the new place opened. Still, Usagi gets to have her palm read, and is told of a handsome man in her future! She wonders if it's Motoki ("Andrew" in English) from the arcade.

On that note, Motoki is just about to start his shift and they have the new "Sailor V" game! Usagi starts playing it, and Motoki even shows her a few tricks! You may not be able to unlock Sheng Long, but it's a nice little nod to Takeuchi's other Sailor; who would later become a key part of the cast in this anime as well.

Luna meets Usagi at the arcade, reminding her that she needs to get home. However, Usagi wants to have her fortune told again; but the old man from before is gone! She then is torn between waiting for him to come back or going to the House of Fortune. Her way to decide is by doing her own fortune telling by kicking off her shoe: rather than good weather, if it lands on tails; she'll try the new place; on heads, she'll wait for where she went before. Her result? Well, it lands on "heads," but not the one she's thinking of!

Her shoe accidentally bonks Mamoru ("Darien" in English) on his head, and after addressing her as "Bun Head" (a literal translation of "Odango" in reference to her hairstyle), he asks why she can't be more ladylike. Usagi only responds by angrily taking back her shoe from Mamoru, razzing him and putting it back on before storming home. As it turns out, she really ends up dodging a proverbial bullet by not having her fortune told again, as Umino is about to find out the hard way.

The next day, several students that went to the House of Fortune; most notably Umino, are exhibiting very strange side effects. Umino is just casually reading gag manga in class; and rather than his uniform, has come to school in a suit that makes him look like an extra from Vice City. Here is the scene that is also most responsible for this episode being omitted from the original Dic/Cloverway dub: when their homeroom teacher Ms. Haruno demands Umino stop acting this way, Umino responds by flipping up her skirt; and she's wearing smiley-print shorts! Ms. Haruno then breaks down crying, and depending on which version you're watching, she says that at best, she'll never live this down; or at worst, she'll never get married! 

I would also like to point out that as Umino and other students that went to the House of Fortune start throwing rocks at the school's windows; that they are NOT role models. They're not even human, they're anime: some of the things they do can get a person hurt, expelled, arrested and possibly deported. To put it another way: don't try this at home.

Usagi realizes something isn't right; and goes to investigate the House of Fortune alongside Luna. Before that, she has to get away from Umino's advances; and when Umino tries to force a kiss on her, she breaks free by crying! This also is a nice way of showing how the real Umino is still in there: he may have an affection for Usagi; as many do and did, but even he wouldn't go that far! I will also note before I continue that while the first kiss is a rite of passage for many; in Japan, it's even more impactful, hence Usagi's emotional reaction.

Usagi and Luna have found out the House of Fortune, and at Luna's reminder; she transforms into Sailor Moon to go find out the trouble, and sure enough; it finds her! 

The fortuneteller turns out to be one of Beryl and Jadeite's followers; having possessed Umino and the others with cursed tarot cards; and she begins throwing more at Usagi like she's a discount Gambit (hopefully that spinoff finally gets made as part of Disney integrating the X-Men into the MCU, especially if Channing Tatum still wants to play him).

The tarot cards then turn Umino and the others into zombies; just like the fortuneteller's true form! I know this is an obvious gag; but: you guys have really let this year get to you, you all look a little green.

The monster, whose name is Balm by the way; is stunned when she's hit by Tuxedo Mask's rose; along with the students, leaving her open for Sailor Moon's finisher: Moon Tiara action! 

So, with Balm defeated and Umino back to normal, we close on Naru ("Molly" in English) telling Umino what a fool he was acting like; and Usagi remarks on the strange days she just went through.

"Punishment Awaits: The House of Fortune is a Monster Mansion" is another fascinating sort of artifact of a previously unseen episode that I've looked at, turning what would normally be just a fun filler episode into a curious piece of history; and not just because of how Umino was misbehaving being why they didn't dub it. I may be mostly-retired; but it definitely does fit the similar mold the original dub was pitched to syndication: by using the action as a selling point for male viewers. I guess it worked for me: it became a hit after Power Rangers, but before Dragon Ball Z, so there you go. 

I will see you all in November with something I've been drafting for a while. Happy Halloween, and don't forget to vote by this Tuesday. That will be all for now, later.