Recap: Advent of the Metal Turtles! The Guardian Beasts Awaken!

Hello again, and sorry this recap is so late. As it were, the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie is out to massive box office returns, proving yet again; the franchise is critic proof. I saw it this past Labor Day weekend, and I for one, loved it.

So, why don’t we take another look at the anime version of them? That’s right, it’s time to check out the second episode of Mutant Turtles: Superman Legend! Last time, we had an experience that was highly awkward due to designs that have only recently been topped by WETA Digital and numerous real-life disasters! So, let’s see what’s on tap this time! Let’s open up “Advent of the Metal Turtles! The Guardian Beasts Awaken!” 

The turtles have arrived in Japan; and they tell Michelangelo not to make a scene in the airport. Well what did you expect? He is the party dude, after all. Leonardo says they’re not here to have fun.

Neither did the critics who saw the new movie.

We then cut to the Technodrome in Dimension X. 

Shredder, Bebop and Rocksteady are dismayed to get an earful from Krang.

Would you tell those neighbors to turn down their rap music?!

It turns out Krang has found something incredible, and is still addressing Shredder as “Sawaki,” much to his dismay. I already addressed that in my last TMNT recap, so let’s move on.

It seems they have found another mutastone. 

We can use it to give you lunkheads Mega Evolutions!

Shredder is doubtful, but Krang then decides to give them further motivation to go. 

You ever hear the most annoying sound in the world? (shrill honking)

The turtles are riding the bullet train to their next adventure.

This bullet train is much safer than our subways in New York! Faster and cleaner too!

They pass by Mt. Fuji as April documents their journey. I do enjoy how this OVA has a similar animation style to the 1987 series; as it shared many similarities with anime looking back at it: the angles, the lighting, the character types; the way action scenes were done-it was most obvious in the opening and the 5-episode pilot. The Japanese actually enjoyed it, and this OVA even has their dub actors reprising their roles. 

This is April O'Neil, live in Japan.

Then, who should arrive on the scene but Shredder! I will say this: while his armor is still much more detailed than most Shredders  I’m familiar with; it is more subdued than the previous episode of the OVA. Also, it’s no longer the most ostentatious, thanks to the mecha-Shredder in the new movie.

There's no internet, no cable, there's not even a Pizza Hut anywhere!

As such, a fight atop the train ensues. What can I say? I’m a sucker for train fight scenes. 

Then, a group of other ninjas provide backup, and the villains are forced to retreat!

The turtles are impressed with seeing real ninjas.

They stand out much less than us turtles!

Apparently, the ninja, Hattori Kinzo, is camera-shy.

I can't handle publicity the way you turtles can!

They reach the shrine, and it turns out it is home to a mirror that possesses great power.

The mirror grants the Turtles some new forms. I think I had these when I was younger; they were just branded differently for the states.

Early next morning, the Turtles are awakened to a strange sound.

Michelangelo expresses disbelief at a ghost.

It seems the ghost’s name is Yukimura.

April continues to film the exploits going on, expressing shock all the while. This is actually quite common in the 1987 series and other things drawing from it. The Mirage comics, films, 2003 series, and the 2012 series (currently in progress) have given her a much more active role,which I am thankful for.

Shredder, Bebop and Rocksteady then bust into the shrine, hoping to defeat the turtles.

Tonight I dine on turtle soup!

Of course, the turtles are not ones to take a challenge from their enemy lying down. 

Does the phrase "go suck a lemon" hold any meaning for you?

The scuffle causes an explosion. Typical, it’s hard to find a shonen work that doesn’t have at least one instance of the Tokyo fireball. Naturally, that’s the very first shot of my favorite anime film, and what’s widely considered to be the greatest anime film of all time, Akira.

Oh, I've wasted my life.

Splinter then says they “will not hang the mirror over to them.” Oh, the joy of bad fan subs. Where else would we get such glorious gems as “He has two badges” and “Do not want?”

You remember that night with that lady in Shinjuku? Tell me, what was his name?

The turtles then dash into battle in a cheesy, yet strangely awesome Gratuitous English usage of “Turtle Power!”

Cowabunga!

Shredder then vows to take this nuisance head-on.

I have come for the one they call Johnathan Liebesman.

As everyone climbs the tower, Leonardo wonders why they don’t just take the stairs.

Apparently, the idea never occurred to Kinzo, and the proverbial idiot crows come out at this baka kosu (dumb shit). 

Stupid! You're so stupid!

At this remark, Kinzo decides to hold off the enemy outside while the turtles go in.

With this, the turtles leap inside and make a beeline for the roof. 

Let's kick shell!

Shredder, Bebop, and Rocksteady reach the roof, but Kinzo is prepared with an array of decoy mirrors. This causes everyone to be so mad, they start breakdancing.

Naturally, Shredder and his cohorts don’t take long to see through Kinzo’s ruse.

Go ninja, go ninja, go!

Krang attempts to stand in the way of the turtles; and ends up making a very awkward statement.

How am I supposed to caption this?

Of course, the turtles laugh at Krang’s threat and call him stupid.

Krang no baka!

They just casually leap out of the way of Krang up the stairs.

You miserable turtles!

On the roof, Yukimura points out the mirror they need. Still easier than solving puzzles in the first NES game. 

Find a rope to cross to the next building.

This pleases Shredder immensely, much like Paramount when they saw the box office figures of the new movie.

Shredder looks into the mirror; and it has a swirling array of colors inside it. 

Rocksteady’s new form is a massive serpent of sorts.

Bebop gets a fish that looks like a kaiju. 

Shredder gets a Tigerzord! Or maybe it’s the Mystical Chi Beast Won Tiger.

Either way, he stands in warrior mode. I’ve been using that song a lot in this blog; but what the heck.

Metal Bebop also readies his attack. 

Metal Rocksteady is also a force to be reckoned with.

No one can destroy the metal! The metal will strike you down with a vicious blow!

His snakes also make rather suggestive moves on the turtles.

As it stands, the turtles are no match for the powered-up enemies.

At what point did we lose control here?

The turtles get their hands on the mirror, and by proxy, their super forms. 

FLASH! AH-HA! SAVIOR OF THE UNIVERSE!

Now, after two years, you get to see the metal turtles in action! Blue Dragon! Leonardo!

Red Phoenix! Raphael!

Purple Gryphon! Donatello!

Orange Spider! Michelangelo!

Despite April’s doubts, Splinter says they need to have faith in the turtles.

They survived the musical, they can survive this.

As they stand together in their armors; it is clear that this concept is bizarre, even in this medium.

Metal Turtles! Appare!

Kinzo then points out their mutations will last for 6 minutes.

You have enough time for one Vanilla Ice dance number!

Even so, the turtles get the upper hand and royally clobber Shredder and his goons.

Graaah!

The turtles revel in their victory; all while looking like they’re ready to be shipped out to Japanese toy stores.

9.95!

With this, the Turtles power down amid the sunset. 

I have always liked "Cowabunga."

“Advent of the Metal Turtles! The Guardian Beasts Awaken!” is a fun little adventure with the Ninja Turtles; and a marked improvement over the first episode of the OVA in terms of animation and story. I know it may be a strange thing to prefer an anime about mutant turtles over Code Geass R2; but the key difference is that R2 failed to deliver a satisfying follow-up to its predecessor, largely because it didn’t seem to be aware of where to stand on the argument of optimism vs. cynicism; and could no longer balance camp and seriousness with the same finesse as the first season. This, on the other hand; knew full well of the ridiculousness of its premise, and ran with it; all the way to the pizza parlor. With this, my mood has improved enough to do something else in that same vein. Next time: Pokémon- The Legend of Dratini! 

Recap: Knights of Round

Previously on Code Geass R2: one obnoxious character is killed, yet a whole cast of them still persists! A fake brother is planted with a backstory that makes Norman Bates seem only mildly deranged! A series that was once about the harmful effects of war and racism dives further into retreading its own predecessor and only truly adding idiocy and sexism in the place of an argument of idealism and cynicism! Now, we continue.

Naturally, we get yet ANOTHER recap about prior events! Even worse, many of the plot points which didn’t make sense at first were going to be explained; but the executives vetoed that in favor of more of this! Well, Sunrise, if you’re going to show contempt for your audience, I shall return the favor! I will no longer be including these recaps after this one! To think Anime News Network gave this more compliments than Kobayashi at those hot dog eating contests, yet docked One Piece for doing something like this, only it made sense there!

You know how this story goes, and you know how this will go. This is going to suck.

Now, the Black Knights celebrate their freedom by stripping off their bodysuits like the prisoners in The Wiz (the Broadway musical version of The Wizard of Oz). It’s every bit as bizarre and disturbing here as it was there. I just hope Oz the Reflection doesn’t have scenes like that.

Some guys work out at Gold's Gym, these guys go to DuPont.

It seems Lelouch also has a plant inside the Brittannian Empire’s militia, but he won’t say who it is. Well, they have Rivalz (that is the lone thing that could make him interesting); so it’s only right he has one.

He worked for this company called HYDRA.

Yet, he did not Geass him. He claims it was unnecessary. If this is who I think it is, this is going to bite him severely. Even so, that is still one of the lesser cardinal sins this anime committed as a sequel series to something I admired so much.

There's no way this can backfire on me!

Then, it devolves into a yet another argument that makes me wonder why so many harp on the dialogue of the Star Wars prequels, yet praise it in situations like this.

God, this is like watching C-SPAN!

Kallen questions this secret, yet this does not hold the same meaning it did in the first season because of how much the writing has been dumbed down.

I take it back, this is like watching C-SPAN 2!

From the dialogue, it thankfully isn’t who I thought it is, but that still makes the facade much more implausible.

CC then wonders about what will happen next, especially with the Geass. It’s not going to be good, I can tell you that much. 

About 2 minutes in, and I’m still missing much of the meaning that the first season held. It often feels like watching a remake of a work you admire. You can try to find some qualities that improve, but more often, they can miss the point of why you liked the original so much.

Yet, when Zero steps up to make his speech, it still feels like much of the gravitas he had in the first season has faded. The depth and meaning of the story have been replaced by flickering lights, funny suits, and showy toys. In effect, I am among many that considers R2 to be the Batman and Robin of the series. 

All the justification he has, rather than come up with an actual reason like in the first season, is to say that he’s “always aiming for results.” 

Thanks, Britannia!

Look at this setup with the Black Knights. It looks like they’re all dressed for a funeral. I deem this an apt metaphor, because even though I have found some satisfaction in the manga side stories, the anime spinoffs from this one onward have been dead to me since 2011.

The theme song plays, but I’m once again skipping it in favor of music that I can use to soften the blow of this series. 

Oh goody, it’s the formal introduction of the Knights of Round. These folks look and act as if they were dragged in from a totally different series, to the point where they call to mind five overbearing and overemotional youths from something I’d rather be watching right now.

No! Not that! Not teenagers!

As if on cue, everyone is shocked that Suzaku is back; much like how they were when he was first admitted in the last season. I certainly hope they don’t do any more bullshit involving a mask next episode, because I’ve tried very hard to forget about this; to no avail. 

It gets even dumber, everyone expresses surprise that the White Reaper is back at their school. This person is neither white, nor a reaper, yet I know people that are entertaining despite also lacking those qualities. 

Rather than actually come up with a compelling reason, the anime is even starting to share my apathy; by simply saying he’s one of the Emperor’s closest men. Yeah, and I’m Joseph Gordon-Levitt!

We have yet more exposition about the events of the previous season. Once again, THIS is what the executives gave priority to! Not expanding on existing plot points, but rather regurgitating them into a fine; viscous bile often found in public restrooms after an outbreak of food poisoning!

Memories like the corners of my mind...

Yet, we’re effectively given a setup akin to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, only without any of the humor, wit, or heart that film had.

Even the classmates meet again, and that unfortunately includes that moronic waif Rivalz. I am glad that Purple Eyes FTW’s hilarious Code MENT series made a running gag out of making fun of him. Heaven knows I could use his treatment of this series as much as I could Rivalz getting a bridge dropped on him.

Now, he even posits how much he’s staking Rolo, just casually having a cup of coffee right now.

It seems everyone is at lunch. I have an idea: let’s try and see how many scenes in this episode and how many characters contribute absolutely nothing to the overall story! Rivalz is a start, and now we have a lunchtime scene that amounts to waffle in the overall story! Keep up now, there will be more! 

Here we go! We have plot again, just barely. So, Suzaku is being brought back because Lelouch has no memory of him. Why? Wouldn’t it make more sense to have someone who wasn’t involved in the conflict, which would be less suspicious? Oh, right, that would take actual thought or originality.

Also, Rolo is spying on him still. This isn’t going to make any sense, so just bear with it.

There is a welcome back party going on, and Lelouch Geasses another teacher to overlook the irregularities. Is Goro Taniguchi slowly turning into William Shatner in the sense that only his ideas made the franchise worthwhile, in spite of what the fans actually liked?

Lelouch also asks Rolo to stop talking so oddly, which really won’t be possible given the nature of the scripts. 

One of the Knights of Round is attacking an Area 11 base, and making a wisecrack. As he has green accents on his uniform, and the anime is still being very stingy with their names, I shall refer to him as Green Round until further notice.

His Knightmare Frame is called Tristan. Well, at least it’s more dignified than the robotic monkey.

So, five episodes in, he is officially identified as Gino Weinberg. I’m not sure what Taniguchi sought to accomplish, but something tells me this is what the executives wanted.

I must once again point out that the male pilots can sit comfortably, while the female pilots are still put in positions that will leave them with bad sciatica. 

Even so, the peerless mecha combat seems hollow without a story or characters to anchor it. 

Speaking of which, it turns out that was a sparring simulation. Gino tells Suzaku the Lancelot will be coming with Lloyd. So, there’s another scene that adds nothing to the story but a character I hate and a line of dialogue that could have been delivered much more easily than this.

As if that’s not enough, we get Anya, the first female pilot who can sit normally, yet that’s immediately negated by her flight suit having an implausible midriff window. If you’re going to go that route, at least Yoko Littner can make up for it with fighting spirit. I’ve also seen form-fitting, but modest outfits worn by Rei. Take your pick.

The welcoming party is taking place, and it’s making me wish for the more subdued soirees thrown in The Wild World of Batwoman. 

Seriously, I’ve seen footage of Comic-Con that wasn’t this busy as recently as last month; during my very lengthy work on the Transformers Armada recap (I imagine the one in New York will be every bit as packed. I do have some costume hoodies to blend in at just a zipper away; but I think I’ll seek out some smaller ones first. Kumoricon is in Portland; I just need to find out when it is this year.).

Now comes another one of my problems with R2: Ashford Academy is repeatedly referred to as a “commoner’s school,” despite the fact that it’s a fucking castle! My school can’t even integrate a new email system without the students and faculty getting angry; to say nothing of the viewers in Japan who may not be as well off as Gino! Go to Hell, Goro Taniguchi!

Rivalz is also communicating with people outside storage. I still think my idea of him being a plant is more interesting than what they do with him here, which is nothing.

He discovers Nina’s belongings in storage. Even though I still have no real opinion on her (even with a certain infamous scene involving her and a piece of furniture); the writing on the box makes me wonder if there are human remains in there. 

Oh, it’s this part.

Yes, they’re apparently baking the world’s largest pizza, even though there’s ostensibly a civil war still going on. Then, Lelouch says the first thing that’s made any sense in this episode.

What I wanted to say to Sunrise and Clamp throughout this episode.

I’m serious, that statement is worthy of being alongside his Code MENT counterpart’s “WHAT IS THE MEANING OF ALL THIS?!” in terms of my increasing exasperation with this anime. With this, he puts a shroud over CC’s head (just bear with me) and takes her aside.

Wow, Lelouch is into some kinky stuff!

Oh, and this is just insulting. A swimsuit contest apropos of nothing. On top of that, these designs look really unhealthy! At least the new Sailor Senshi in Sailor Moon Crystal are truer to Naoko Takeuchi’s designs! These look like Coyote Ugly rejects! 

Also, no comment on Villetta’s threat that she’ll kill Shirley “100 times over.” I can’t joke about that, knowing what lies ahead.

Milly, despite throwing a lavish party on Suzaku’s account, is not happy. This could have been an interesting concept, to deconstruct her cheerful personality as a mask to put on for guests, but we never delved into her hidden depths and only saw her play the fool. 

Let's face it, everything below the waist is kaput!

Now, because that potentially meaningful moment has once again given way to rote repetition of the previous season, I can now add this to my list of scenes that add nothing to the story!

Then, Suzaku says Lloyd has lots of faults as a human being. Suzaku, you have a gift for understatement.

Well, it’s not a mask, but the cat stole a quill that Suzaku was writing with. At least that plot point isn’t stretched over the course of the episode.

Then, Gino happens upon the plans.

Now, we get an even bigger problem I have with R2. CC brings up VV, who apparently gave the emperor his Geass. This turns out to be one of the worst things that executive meddling did to the series. Not only did splitting the series in half in itself cause the quality to suffer by retconning the ambiguous ending; VV’s presence in itself raises literally hundreds of questions the story does not even attempt to answer! Yet because of not addressing the newer plot points in favor of revisiting the older ones; I must once again address the fact that VV is in essence, a walking Voodoo Shark!

Before that even happens, we once again get another reduction of our once noble heroine to a walking fantasy, this time courtesy of an otter costume that wouldn’t even make it as a rejected member of Chewbacca’s family! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pR6gtr01Sc

If you're a Wookiee and you're watching this, are you turned on?

Now, through many contrivances, Kallen is in panties, a tank top, and an otter suit, CC is in a crate of tomatoes, and this anime is now in one big mess in its final act.

Oh look! It's not often you see the stupidest thing you've ever seen!

Yet, Gino still has some odd ideas about “commoners”. Somehow, I don’t think they could afford pizza making robots and lavish festivals when my school just barely managed to get its baseball team reinstated. 

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

So, now the whole final act is just this lousy comedy sketch. It’s inherently clear that they didn’t have enough story for one episode, let alone 5; and what they did have, the executives ran through a shredder to use as fire starters. So, if I’m going to be mind fucked, I might as well enjoy it.

I'm not sick, but I'm not well! I'm so hot, cause I'm in Hell!

The whole next few minutes is nothing but this. This is even worse than the extreme sports from the last episode! This makes even less sense, and not just because it’s revisiting my least favorite of the original series!

A shiny Oshawott! Now where's my net ball?

There are just many moments that are so unfunny I can’t even be bothered to screen cap them. Even Mike can’t come up with anything to say right now.

Even a plot point that is a source of much contention, namely, Ougi plotting against Lelouch is taken aback to a setup that Sgt. Frog would be embarrassed to take part in, and that’s actually funny! Yet, I consider that man to be small potatoes in comparison to an entire cast whose brains are apparently made of the same pizza dough they’re tossing around.

I’m serious, what could have made for a compelling story was tossed aside in favor of a school festival that made the ones in Revenge of the Nerds look like an art house film.

It seems Villetta had been sleeping with the enemy in more ways than one. Trust me when I say that I can only show her at the least with the swimsuit on; at Google’s behest. 

Now, Xingke is whisking CC and Kallen away in the back of his limousine, claiming “diplomatic immunity.” Of course, that doesn’t mean that CC and Kallen could change before they got in. CC still has that uniform covered in tomato juice; Kallen, save for that knockoff Doraemon costume, is wearing little more than a tank top and panties. You see what I mean about the double standard still being in effect? For every ensemble of prisoners in boxer shorts and painted-on abs, we get five episodes of candidates for next year’s Sports Illustrated swimsuit special.

As Suzaku and Lelouch provide yet more fuel for rather candid fan art, he also gives him a rather obscene phone call to end the episode on.

On the other end-are you ready for this?-is Nunnally! 

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

How do you even begin to justify this? How does an infirm relative of an enemy of the state become a Governor General as part of an obvious trap? Why did any executive in their right mind think this was a good idea?! What the Hell is an Aluminum Falcon! That’s it, I’m cutting it off right here!

“Knights of Round” is quite possibly the most misleading title of a work since Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders! It is absolutely astounding how a series could show so much promise; then utterly waste its potential in its second outing! What was once a very meaningful series had its reputation destroyed by the camp reaching Batman and Robin levels of asininity! It is quite clear that I’m going to need something to recap where the creators at least know their story is nonsense and don’t make halfhearted attempts to hide it! Next time: Mutant Turtles Superman Legend Episode 2!