Recap: The Man With the Lightspeed Legs

In honor of the Seahawks winning the Super Bowl, I now present my first recap of a purely sports-themed anime, Eyeshield 21!

We open on a football game with the eponymous Eyeshield 21 getting advice from the team captain, Hiruma; who looks like he'd be more at home in Hellsing than a lighthearted football anime. There is also Kurita, a tackle that looks like a cross between a chestnut and Zangief.

We see some fairly decent football action as Eyeshield 21 evades the opposing team towards the endzone. Which means now I can legitimately use this song!

The theme song is OK, but I don't think it suits the tone of this show. It feels more like a zippy commercial jingle than a motivational song for a football team. Thankfully, I can remedy this quite easily.

Naturally, we open proper on Eyeshield 21's true identity: Sena. Sena is trying to get into Demon High School; and is taking his entrance exam today. Well, that does explain Hiruma's presence. I can imagine they passed on Yusuke Urameshi for being too obscene for their standards.

He is greeted inside by Mamori, his...sister? Girlfriend? I don't know, they don't really explain too much about their relationship; but we'll get into what we know in a moment.

Naturally, he got in.



He is moved to tears of joy at this development. I can imagine this was what Warner Bros. executives were thinking at the success of The Lego Movie.

It's raining men! Hallelujah! It's raining men! Amen!

Naturally, we get a flashback that turns out that Mamori was his guardian from bullies that even Bulk and Skull would find too cartoonish for their tastes.

Yet, Mamori jostles Sena just as hard as the bullies, if not harder. This is what muddles things for their relationship. Maybe it's the way gender dynamics tend to be different in Japan, but somehow, that felt harder than the standard affectionate nudge. As long as she's not slipping him Mickey Finns like Yuno Gasai does. It's that type of behavior that makes me reluctant to continue Future Diary and more likely to believe that any backstory is fabricated by her insanity rather than genuine character motivation.

Naturally, Hiruma takes an opportunity to pounce. Despite the fact he's a more blatant demon analogue than the guys in the Home for Infinite Losers; I am actually finding Hiruma a more sympathetic character than Mamori. I shall elaborate further as the recap goes along; but first, a punk track signifying a high schooler that would model himself after Johnny Rotten.

Yet, even as Hiruma bares his teeth, he and Kurita bounce him in the air as if they just found the next Brett Favre or Peyton Manning. I think our boy from Lebanon may be it.


Sena is ecstatic at the fact he's being tossed in the air for the first time since he was a baby. Wow. This kid is making Dr. Doofenshmirtz look like he had a sweet deal.

Then, Hiruma offers him a phone to call his parents. Well, we know Mamori isn't his mother, but still; even when Hiruma tries to nice, he still looks like the snake-headed drug dealer in that freaky old PSA.

So, a typical NFL scout, in other words.

Yet, Mamori butts in about the situation. OK, here goes: this was not a good move for Mamori. She just burst in without any indication there was anything wrong. I know she might be used to this from the past, but Hiruma didn't actually do anything even though he looks like he would eat small children.

No, she just continues to prattle on, claiming Hiruma is like a demon. Well, you picked quite the school to make that observation! Here's another surprise: Vladimir Putin might have a few screws loose over Crimea!

She then says he'll drain the life from Sena till he's nothing but skin and bones.

He really IS like an NFL scout!

Sena goes home, and finds his mail slot crammed full of flyers for the school football team. And I thought Hogwarts was persistent in letter mailing.

Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he?!

Then, he walks in the door of his apartment and finds his fax machine spewing out more flyers. Regarding this bit: while fax machines have largely been downplayed in the US in favor of e-mail attachments (save for a few businesses); they still get quite a bit of use in Japan. This also makes it somewhat harder for me to pinpoint the exact setting of the show even though it has reasonably modern production values (I'm taking an educated guess of the early to mid-2000s, given fashions and technology).

Naturally, Sena's first reaction is justifiably, "What the Hell is going on?!"

I ask myself that question whenever I watch Code Geass R2, Future Diary, IGPX, or Haruhi Suzumiya.

The first day of school comes, and to further my confusion over the time period; Sena's phone that was given as an admission present would probably look like it came from Goodwill to a viewer nowadays; given that phones can be had for a $10 spot at 7-Eleven in a pinch; and it's hard to find a carrier that doesn't offer smartphones capable of mobile web and playing Flappy Bird (though my next smartphone would be more for Sonic Dash and Grand Theft Auto San Andreas Anniversary).

Now I can participate in the Survival Games!

Sena starts walking to school, and Mamori then starts cleaning him up and telling him to make friends. This goes back to my belief of the character: Mamori's presence has been constantly keeping that from happening; due to the fact that she's smothering him to the point where even Minoru Shiraishi would draw the line.

Further evidenced by Mamori blaming Sena for submitting to those around him. If anything, Mamori has actually been more condescending and pushy towards Sena then the bullies who ostensibly serve to fulfill the standard clichés.

She then ends by contradicting herself, saying he needs to find his own strength and tells him to join a club right after that. She claims that he needs to find his own strength; but by doing all this for him, she has effectively stymied his independence and social life. Even Agnes Skinner wasn't this intrusive!

Anyway, Sena decides to look for a club. This is not only the anime fan in me talking, but also the student in me: I've never been a terribly big sports fan. Apart from anime club, my extracurriculars included FBLA, chess team, and retro gaming club. I fit the very definition of "white and nerdy;" as Weird Al would be able to vouch for. 



 So, as you can imagine; I set this goal to branch into this territory to approach it the best I can with my mindset; while laughing at Sena flashing back to playing peewee soccer and bouncing his shoe off his head.

This one image is more entertaining to me than Inazuma Eleven.

Anyway, English class starts.

And I'm an alcoholic.

Despite his rather stirring introduction, he still draws the attention of what appears to be some transfers from Cromartie High School. 

The day ends with Sena getting looks from the punks in the back. Oh, how I love this casual Japanese violation of space! Not since Kimura from Azumanga Daioh has uncomfortable school relationship been this hilarious! Tellingly, the US can't do this unless Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC shows up.

I need an adult!

Each punk looks more threatening than the last, and they're still less invasive than Hiruma or Mamori.

Yet, even when the punks take him into the equipment shed; this is actually a fairly decent representation of how some areas don't take bullying as seriously as others; especially in regards to the long standing "nerds vs. jocks" debate. If anything, the events that set the series in motion could qualify as glorified hazing. Now it just needs a good tune to set it to.






Kurita opens the shed, and is not happy with this sight. The way he reacts: he is worthy of Zangief ham!

I am strong like the ox! I shall crush you like Putin crush Urkraine!

Sure enough, the bullies try to break through, to no avail. Kurita just takes it, standing there; grinning. What do you expect when the guy is as strong as Andre the Giant?

When I first came here, someone like you tried to do this to me. I used his head for a game of touch.

Not only does he take all three of them; he even criticizes their form and gives them advice in a very suggestive manner.

Leaves very little to the imagination, doesn't it?

Kurita then decides to induct Sena into the football team over coffee.

Kurita then offers to put dozens of sugars in Sena's coffee. Oh yes, I believe that's how L takes his. And he likes that exact type of cake as well.


Kurita then announces his team's dream of making it to the Christmas Bowl. It's a standard goal; one that has endured through decades of sports movies. Naturally, it fits the series quite nicely. He describes it as his armageddon, which amazes Sena.

I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep, cause I'd miss you baby, and I don't wanna miss a thing!

Also, for this one scene, he has sclerae; whereas most of the time, he's drawn without them.

Sena then notices an opening for team secretary; and notices that he's essentially behind all the statistics revolving around the team. It is a vital position, and I admit to not being a fan of statistics. I personally thought Rotten Tomatoes was sketchy for collating responses of The Lego Movie to 95%, making it objectively better than The Wind Rises, Monsters University, Akira, or The Dark Knight.

Naturally, the punks are back for revenge and intend to frame Kurita for their problems. Yeah, quick question: under what jury or forensics team would the court side with a bunch of punks that are almost as thin as the bat they hold rather than a dim; but massive and contributing member to school athletics? Besides; it may be made of aluminum; but to Kurita, it might as well be a wiffle bat.

They find the phone, and Morena's number. Congratulations, Morena! You are now officially a bigger unwitting instigator of doom than Jar Jar Binks! At least he had the excuse that Palpatine needed a patsy and Lucas needed a way to justify the fandom's hatred of the character! Your attempts to give your kouhai confidence have instead resulted in subservience!

So, Sena decides that he has to make his own way, and I agree. As the Fresh Prince once said, "a good run is better than a bad stand any day."

Run, Forrest, Run!

He heads into the city center as he dashes past Hiruma; whose reaction would be the envy of Ming the Merciless.

Are your men on the right pills? Maybe you should execute their trainer!

Still, Hiruma having the jaws of Arlong and gawking at Sena's speed through a pair of Team Rocket macrobinoculars STILL puts him on a higher moral footing than the bullies.

He makes the train just in time.

Hiruma then gloats over having out-bullied the bullies; in a manner that Brian Blessed would adore.

GORDON'S ALIVE?!

Sena makes the team, but not as secretary. He is the new running back, Eyeshield 21! He turns out to be a much better football hero than NFL Superpro or that moron Ish from Rush Zone. When he tries to argue otherwise, Hiruma just brandishes a rocket launcher. I will be doing "The Legend of Dratini" this year, but not right away.

GAMES!

 "The Man With the Lightspeed Legs" is absolutely dripping with shonen camp. I know the medium can lend itself to seriousness and silliness alike; but the lines tend to be very clearly defined within a series, be it on an episode-by-episode basis or the tone for the whole show. That is why I prefer story and characterization to be clearly defined when starting a new series. It also helps to have a sense of self-awareness; and boy, does this anime know its stuff. It's also surprisingly attentive to the detail of football, even including little technical quizzes for those unfamiliar with the game. I can say that I would be willing to continue; and there is definitely material for more recaps. Next time, to deal with the constant technical woes I am facing; I think I shall do a recap of an anime that is rife with them. Next time: Mega Man NT Warrior!