Recap: Yo-Kai Watch The Movie- The Secret of Birth

The time has finally come to address “Yo-Kai Watch The Movie: The Secret of Birth.” While I was hoping to continue with my Pokémon movie marathon; the news that the film would be getting an English dub has caused me to once again alter my plans.

While I have been critical of the anime before; the movie has yet more issues that I have been eager to talk about for a long time. Not only did the Japanese release of the film outgross Princess Mononoke, a much better movie involving Japanese culture; I was among others that were less than pleased when the second film outgrossed the Japanese release of Star Wars: Episode VII-The Force Awakens. 

With the dub of the TV series being a mess of bad jokes and poor voice acting; I determined that I would not wait for that film to come online. With the release of Yo-Kai Watch 2: Bony Spirits and Fleshy Souls encroaching ever closer; I shall tackle the subtitled version of the film in its entirety to detail how it stretches out all the problems I have with the series into a feature-length film. So, let’s get started. 

We open on Jibanyan greeting us, and not even a minute in; we see him get hit by a car AGAIN. This is going to be a long 96 minutes, folks.

Whisper then says that he “became a star even though it’s daytime!” It’s called the sun, you moron.

Oy. 

Then, Whisper gets hit by a truck. They’re already reusing gags in the very first minute of screen time. Anyone who plans on going to that one night showing: this is what you’re in for. Personally, I plan on seeing what horror films are playing; not to mention Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children.

Our proper opening is a CGI overhead shot of New Sakura Town (Springdale in the dub). Aside from looking vaguely like the video game, you could have started the movie here! Did you think that your audience wouldn’t be patient without the animated yokai being shoved in their face? This isn’t that horrible Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure!

As Keita Amano sleeps; the Yo-kai Watch disappears from his arm. Yet, because he’s dumb as a rock, he won’t notice this until the plot deems it necessary for him to do so. Even with the chaotic yokai; I still think you’re not truly screwed unless you forget your duck.

The next day, summer vacation is about to start; and Kanchi is telling everyone else how big things in town are getting; everything from flowers in the flower shop to vegetables in the supermarket. Or the ego of our electoral candidates! (Sorry.)

Also, still rather incredulous that Kanchi has a smartphone at age 11 when I got my first deck of Yu-Gi-Oh cards at that age (the Kaiba theme deck, by the way).

When Kanchi suggests it was because of yokai, Keita scoffs at the idea. OK, I know his watch disappeared, but did his frontal lobe disappear with it? That would explain a lot, but still. 

Keita then decides to belittle Kanchi over the fact. Oh, the irony is delicious.

This is what happens when you listen to too many Alex Jones podcasts.

They all have a laugh about the idea; and even though this movie’s story is going to make Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen look like Citizen Kane, I will at least admit the animation is relatively pretty. The movement is smooth; and the environments and characters look sharp and colorful. Might as well keep going. 

Then, Keita even outright feels his wrist and wonders if something’s missing; then just brushes it off. To think people wonder why millennials have such a bad reputation these days.

As Keita walks down the road; everything from hats to hamburgers start growing to massive sizes! If I had the editing ability and equipment; I definitely would do my own version of Cinema Sins for this. I guess this will have to do for now.

"Phenomenon dismissed by main character suddenly becomes real" cliché.

Then, a massive yokai is perched on a building as he reveals himself to Keita. He then says that Keita looks just like him. 

Dekanyan plays the pronoun game so Keita has to ask who "he" is.

The yokai, known as Dekanyan, mistakes Keita for someone called “Shonen Beat” as he runs off and begins crashing through buildings. I guess if he wrecks enough, he could be a villain in a DC movie if this doesn’t pan out. 

Then; Dekanyan zaps Keita with lightning, which restores his memory of all the yokai, somehow. Look, I’m five minutes into this movie and I’m totally lost. This remix of the intro doesn’t help much either. So, I’m just going to roll with it; and maybe see if there’s anything I can take to help deal with this. 

After that, Keita wonders why he’s forgotten. Maybe because of the plot? Tends to happen when the writers don’t want to actually give someone motivation. 

Right on cue, Whisper appears. I would prepare my usual labels, but I don’t need to! He already has them jabbed in his sides!

I love it when the movie makes the jokes for me.

Keita then accuses Whisper of not understanding anything. Well, that didn’t take long, asshole. Besides, I don’t think ANYONE understands anything in this ‘verse; otherwise the story might make some semblance of sense. 

Then, all of a sudden, Keita’s head gets big for no reason. Well, that tears it; I need to hit the medicine cabinet. Least the side effects of my pills will help me cope.

After the effect wears off; he finally realizes the Yo-kai Watch is gone at the 9-minute mark. Jeez, we’re a tenth of the way into this turd and he just starts to grasp this? What’s that? If I don’t like this movie I shouldn’t watch it and write about it? You’ve come to the wrong place, buddy.

Even without the watch, he’s somehow still able to summon Jibanyan because he just happens to be in the area. How damn well convenient! 

Anyway, when Keita tells Dekanyan who he really is;  Dekanyan then says the world is in danger and he needs his help. Well, la-dee-da. Just what we need. An ignoramus fresh out of Power Rangers Underoos is going to be our hero! It’s once again a good thing I’m out of it right now; otherwise this would be really fucking stupid.

Just then, the group is attacked; and Dekanyan plays the pronoun game again and says the world “will be stolen by her.” I knew it! Wait, no; that could be anyone when you say that. It could be Jill Stein for all I know.

Then, everyone is confronted by Gin, Kin, and Dou. However, rather than continuing their destructive plans; they just say they’re going to steal everything from humanity and then just leave. Well that was lame.

Then, all of a sudden we’re on a train headed to see Keita’s grandmother; no questions asked. Interesting transition. 

Also, it turns out Keita’s grandma lives in Kemamoto; which, from the demo of the second game, is planned to be turned into the fictional town of Harrisville, Idaho. You know what’s coming, so here’s an edit of the comic I used for previous recaps. 

Keita then brings up an old legend of a giant cat kidnapping children. That would actually make a more interesting movie than the one we’re watching, to be frank.

Also, for some reason, the stationmaster looks possessed when they get off the train. I guess Mr. Conductor finally lost it.

An elderly couple of farmers is also possessed. A large part of me is wishing this movie was some kind of Village of the Damned/Children of the Corn deal.

Fifteen minutes in; we see another key figure to the plot, Keita’s late grandfather Keizou. As someone who’s had a lot going on with my grandfather lately; I’m going to be getting into their relationship over the course of this recap, and believe me when I say that I have some choice words for it. 

Keita’s grandmother then exposits that Keizou was a great man; very strong and very smart, but a bit of a handful as well. Then, when something blows by; she’s prevented from explaining. Don’t worry, I’ll have my own assessment of this when the time comes.

Suddenly, Jibanyan and Whisper hear something and Keita dashes off to check it out.

They come across an old shed; and wonder if what they’re looking for is inside. Do teenagers play children’s card games?

Keita finds Dekanyan stuck inside the shed; so he decides to do the first logical thing: start poking him. Are you fucking serious? 

He also won’t explain why he’s there unless they get him out of the shed. I am really starting to think that no one actually knows what’s going on in this movie.

Then, Dekanyan sneezes, and the shed explodes. That is going to kill the resale value.

Dekanyan has another request: to pull this plug out of his butt. …. No comment.

Keita complies, and this results in another fart joke. Record-breaking hit in Japan, folks! Can’t imagine why it’s only getting a limited release here!

After he deflates, he reverts to his true form of Fuyunyan and decides to explain his situation.

He’s been looking for someone to save his friend for 60 years. So, we’re 20 minutes into a 96-minute movie and we’re just now getting into the plot. Look, if audiences didn’t turn out for The BFG, how will they turn out for this one, especially given the release pattern they’ve gone with?

Keita points out this doesn’t make sense; and Jibanyan concurs that didn’t explain anything. Even the leads aren’t buying this crap anymore.

Fuyunyan then recruits Keita to fight these creatures known as “Kaima” to save his friend. Fuck my life.

So, they decide to travel 60 years into the past to save Keizou and stop the Kaima; thus ensuring the creation of the Yo-Kai Watch. Even setting aside how they’re taking all these liberties with the game; no one involved seems to understand how many consequences there would be for meddling with history. I mean, has Keita never seen the Terminator movies? Or the Back to the Future trilogy?

Fuyunyan then pulls out something called a “Reverstone,” and Whisper asks him “what’s with the Doraemon act?” … Captain Picard, if you would be so kind. 

Look, Hino, just because you reference Doraemon doesn’t mean your series will automatically become a “modern Doraemon” like you want it to. Also, just because people on Tumblr like Rupert Murdoch want the the sequels to sell and the third game to get localized doesn’t mean that will happen either!

So, 24 minutes into the movie; we finally get to the plot and everyone travels back in time. 

They arrive in the past Kumamoto; and all land on Whisper’s back. Not quite as amusing as Marty unwittingly running over one of Mr. Peabody’s prize pine trees as he trees to flee his farm, but OK. 

They witness a group of people possessed Kaima; but Keita spends a large part of this scene hiding and cowering before Keizou shows up. Jeez, this kid makes Ash Ketchum look like Arnold Schwarzenegger! 

Also, the way Fuyunyan describes how dark the Kaima are just makes me wish that were the focus of the series. Even with all that others are saying, I feel the intellectual level of the series is closer to “Barney and Friends” than Spirited Away. Gonna need to watch that movie again to get this taste out of my mouth.

I mean, jeez. Keita must be the most useless protagonist I’ve ever seen. He’s basically Anakin Skywalker without any technical skill or the Force. Both Jake Lloyd and Hayden Christensen would shake their heads and walk away at him.

Then, Whisper is possessed by the last Kaima that was chasing them. Oh goody, does that mean we can kill him?

Keita even suggests just leaving him behind. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen!

No, unfortunately, we are formally introduced to Keizou, who keeps beating up Whisper even after he beats the Kaima! Big hit in Japan, folks! A gag we’ve seen so much that goldfish are sick of it! 

He does this weird pose after the fact; and despite the claims made earlier, I still think that the idiocy of the Amano family may be genetic. 

Of course, Keita is none too happy this is the man that his family wouldn’t shut up about. That bit was funnier when they did it in The Avengers, to be honest.

As they escape, they’re spotted by Gin and Kin; who are surprised at the fact they’ve time-traveled. Hey, if people as burnt-out as Bill and Ted can do it, so can a bumbling 11-year-old; a dense ghost and a talking cat.

So, they decide to inform Lady Ubaune before they can become a threat. Why not just kill them if you know they’re going to be a problem?  Cut out the middleman as it were?

After Keita and Keizou escape; Keizou uses the pose again; declaring himself to be the Invincible King Kamen Guts. Yeah, and I’m the goddamn Batman! 

Half an hour in; and Fuyunyan tells him Keita’s his grandson. Honestly, if he’s going to have grandchildren like this; he’s probably not the best gene stock.

What’s worse, this so-called genius even acknowledges how this could muddle with history! Yeah! The world could be a hellhole run by yokai and Keita’s mother could be married to a corrupt tycoon! Before you get huffy, it’s a Back to the Future Part II reference. 

After Keizou storms off, Fuyunyan just says he’s “been through some things.” Fuck, why can’t we just get this sorted out now? This is going to be a bigger failure to communicate properly than “save Martha,” and I type that even as someone who liked Batman V Superman! 

t gets dumber, since Fuyunyan even outright says he’ll explain later and tells him to follow along! They’re idiots, they’re all idiots!

So, they quite literally follow Keizou to his secret hideout in the woods. It may not be as cool as making a home out of an old AT-AT, but it’s admittedly pretty nifty.

Keizou is still reluctant to help, asking Fuyunyan brought them there. Forget that, why did Keita invite himself in? Awfully presumptuous, don’t you think?

Yet, he still treats his grandson like crap; even asking him not to call him grandpa. Once again; as someone who’s helping take care of his infirm grandfather, I’m rather insulted at the way they’re presenting this.

Keita then comes clean about what’s going on with the Yo-Kai Watch. See? It’s easy, Fuyunyan; no need to manufacture conflict just to pad out the runtime of this overlong TV episode masquerading as a movie!

Yet, Keizou refuses to finish work on it; and angrily storms off, telling Keita he has to leave in the morning. What an asshole. I know the kid died before Keita was born, but could you maybe be a little easier on him? That’s coming from someone who’s not a big fan of the character.

That night, Keizou’s lady friend Yukippe says that it’s so weird, with everyone acting all scary… 

You know, I think it’s just dawned on me why I don’t like this series as much as everyone else does. Now that I’ve started watching Stranger Things; I really can’t watch the usual flavor of “childhood nostalgia” stories again. I never was all that receptive to stories without some kind of drama or danger in play; but now it’s dead to me as the leaves on the ground. Even when Keita is ostensibly supposed to represent my 11-year-old self; I can’t put myself in his stead because of how the character is so badly-written. 

We then get a few shadows of Lady Ubaune, as well as brief glimpses of her figure; saying there’s “no way in Hell” that she’ll allow the Yo-Kai Watch’s creation to be preserved. Ugh. I know the dub will probably cut the line; even though that’s a perfectly acceptable word for a PG-rated movie. Kubo of the Two Strings used it, and that’s a much better movie influenced by Japanese culture! Hell, it’s an OK for TV word! I sure as Hell can’t talk about Hell if I don’t type Hell!

The next morning, Keizou is doing role-play of the Invincible King Kamen Guts; who Fuyunyan reveals is a TV character from the 1950s. OK, first of all; to my knowledge, Kamen Rider first appeared on TV in the early 1970s. Second of all; despite the way he’s described, I put more stock in Krankor. 

Then, he dismisses Keita as “slow” for not knowing who he is. Ugh. I hope I don’t have to put a counter on how many times he’s insulted him. Personally, I’m making efforts to bridge gaps between Super Sentai and Power Rangers fandoms; with help from some friends as well as an increasingly easy access to episodes online (not to mention YouTube channels like Ranger Sentai Guy and Sentai Five/Power Rangers Hexagon). Not too different from how many versions of Batman, Superman; Spider-Man and the X-Men there are.

Yet, even though Fuyunyan VERY bluntly spells it out that Keita is like Shonen Beat; he still doesn’t get it! Sweet Christopher, do I have to draw you a map?! 

So, Whisper has to dumb it down even further that Keita must indulge in his grandfather’s adolescent power fantasy in order to get him to invent the Yo-Kai Watch. That’s how the Bundy occupation started.

Even when Keita asks a valid question about the catchphrase and pose; Keizou once again lashes out at him. You know, I just started taking communications; and even though I still have a lot to learn, I at least know it’s generally not a good idea to act this way to people who don’t understand. Besides, I don’t find the invocation as cool as “it’s morphin’ time,” “Showtime Synergy” or “By the Power of Grayskull.” 

Fuyunyan then takes a different approach of just showing him the tie-in manga of the pose. You see, Keizou? It’s easy when you’re not yelling at someone who’s your own flesh and blood!

Even then, Keita is still doubtful. Look, I know his character is built on him being “average,” but sometimes you have to sacrifice realism if you want to make your character believable amidst a fantastic setting! He just lacks the initiative I admire in characters like Marty McFly and young John Connor in T2.

Forty minutes, and cue training montage! Oy, I’ve seen episodes of Family Guy that weren’t this padded! This is what happens when you try to stretch an episode’s worth of material into a feature-length movie!

Yet, Keizou is so deep into his fantasy he’s convinced he will become the real Kamen Guts! That’s how someone lands in the Betty Ford Center when they’re older.

Then, Fuyunyan suggests asking for help from Master Nyada. Don’t tell me what I think you’re going to do.

Oh goody, more haphazard Star Wars references. It annoys me to no end when my favorite film franchise is given this treatment; yet a genuinely engaging and entertaining new entry is outgrossed by noisy Technicolor nonsense (I will most likely do the sequel depending on how this recap does). That, and the distributors had the gall to insinuate that the series was “past its sell-by date.” At least it has one, unlike some garbage I’ve covered and will cover.

So, everyone decides to go to Sakura Town to see him; and I do rather like this old train they’re taking, all things considered. 

They arrive; and these shots of the city remind me of From up On Poppy Hill, a movie I’d rather be watching right now. In fact, I would suggest that people from Studio Ghibli saw this movie and said words to the effect of: “I bet we can make the same movie with a less convoluted plot and better characters and make it way more interesting;” and they were RIGHT! 

I mean it; these environments are one of the few things I like about this movie. The muted tones; the old materials and signage: it’s almost like something out of an old photograph.

Then, over croquettes, Keizou details how he met Fuyunyan: he found some old marbles in a riverbank and heard his voice call to him. This actually isn’t that bad; but trust me when I say this movie will find a way to ruin this potentially interesting story with the same bullshit that plagues the TV series. 

About 45 minutes in; we see Kamen Guts, and even though Keizou is impressed, Keita is decidedly less so. Let that paragraph be an analogy for how others value this series so highly and I do not.

To think people diss Zack Snyder.

He sees Shonen Beat; and is further dissuaded from helping this plan along. Where’s your sense of adventure? I want my hero to be Tom Holland, and you’re giving me Andrew Garfield!

Not long after; we finally get the backstory of this piece of cinematic excrement. It falls back on the same tired “failed to keep a friend” story I’ve seen countless times before.

Once again, since I’m already seeing many subversions of this “childhood nostalgia” plot very early on in Stranger Things; it’s now pretty much impossible for me to see any attempts to play these tropes straight. Even with this knowledge at the halfway point; I can honestly say that I don’t really care what happens to these people. I know that’s something no storyteller wants to hear; least of all, Hino, but I still feel I have to address this.

Also, even as Nyada walks by; there is a glimpse of him while they’re talking (not pictured). I could suggest you could have found a way to reveal him to both the characters and the audience; but that would imply the director understands the function of a scene.

Honestly, they spend a whole minute on describing his character before he reveals that he’s standing right in front of them. PK-151, if you may.

Seriously, why do you have to be so patronizing to your audience? I know this is written for 7-year-olds; but even they might want something more engaging than this!

Anyway, everyone asks for Nyada’s help in stopping the Kaima. Yet, after describing the last episode of Kamen Guts; he falls asleep! Jibanyan even asks if “the old fart is really okay.” 

Mathew Buck-References. Are not. Jokes.

Then, Nyada gives them a weapon to use at a later time. OK, I’ll just bear with it; since there’s still 46 minutes left in this turd.

After that, Nyada slices apart some Kaima and has to rest. Of course he does.

Now, 51 minutes into the movie; Lady Ubaune finally confronts our heroes. Jeez, what kind of villain shows up this late in the movie? What is she, the live-action Megatron?

She declares that she’s the last boss of all the Kaima. … OK, I’m not going to question it at this point. Instead, I’m going to do something I’ve been working on doing this whole recap: exploiting rule 43. It posits that the more innocent and pure something is; the more satisfying it is to corrupt it. So, here’s Tenacious D to help with that. 

She kidnaps Jibanyan and demands they face her at the Yuuhigoaka Factory. So, we have just now arrived at the climax with 44 minutes to go. Fuck, Return of the King didn’t have this many endings!

Even though Fuyunyan tries to help him; everyone disappears in a bright light.

Willy Wonka: Stop. Don't. Come back.

Yet, the factory is visible from where they’re standing; in yet another example of style trumping logic in a Yo-Kai Watch anime. 

Even when the situation has become this dire; Keizou STILL won’t complete work on the watch! … That tears it. Keizou is not a genius; he’s an idiot and a total asshole! He doesn’t even have young Charles Xavier’s issues in X-Men Days of Future Past; a much better movie to use this plot that came out in 2014!

What’s worse, our so-called hero is going to fight the Kaima on his own! Jeez; for someone he’s trying to save, he’s sure as Hell taking every possible step to make sure he dies! Like I said before; bigger failure to communicate than “save Martha!”

So, Keita eventually agrees to save Jibanyan without the watch; and he and Keizou run off to face Ubaune in a final showdown. 

Also, Whisper finds out they had been spied on by… a Hiking Bear? A discount Ursaring? I don’t really care at this point, so let’s just get this over with.

Ubaune keeps showboating about her plans; but she doesn’t really come off as a threat to me after seeing what Ragyo Kiryuin can do. She seems like a better fit for a production of The Wiz, to be honest. 

At that moment, Gin and Kin inform Ubaune that Keita and Keizou are on their way. They decided to tell her this instead of just killing them. They’re kind of stupid that way.

Even when Ubaune threatens to kill Jibanyan; she doesn’t really come off as intimidating. At best, she’s like a less amusing version of Mr. Burns or Yosemite Sam.

Yet, Gin and Kin insist they’ve dug their own graves. How? You’ve had multiple chances to kill them and you haven’t; and now you’re just letting them waltz up to your discount Shinra Headquarters.

With 40 minutes left; a portal opens over the building, just like many other blockbuster tentpoles in the new tens have for their climaxes! Seriously, I’ve noticed these beacons a lot more since Marvel made them big (a fact which was not lost on the Honest Trailer for the new TMNT movie).

So, Keita and Keizou reach the factory. I mean, my word; it’s a wonder how a 96-minute movie could feel like one that’s over three hours.

They fight their way in; and with the mallets that Keita and Whisper are wielding, this has officially turned into a video game that I’m not actually playing.

They come across a map inside the front door; which Keita rationalizes is a trap. Of course it is. If it was any more of one; you could hear Admiral Ackbar. Keizou’s next move is to spring the trap. Of course, the old “Rescue the Chancellor on General Grievous’ ship” strategy. Sorry, my mind retreated to a movie I don’t hate.

As they go over the catwalks; Keizou defeats several Kaima in the time it takes Keita to beat one. That bit was funnier when they did it in Iron Man 2, to be honest.

Even with Ubaune threatening to put Jibanyan in the smelting pit; I still don’t think this movie is worthy of some of the darker moments that make some of my favorites so memorable. The Thuggee cult in the Temple of Doom; Ridley Scott’s Legend, the treatment of war in the 1986 Transformers movie; the edgy influence of the comics in the 1990 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie; and especially how dark the Pokémon movies tend to get. Here? It’s not that different from the same nonsense we get with the regular anime. 

One hour into this hour and 36-minute movie and we’re just NOW getting to this rescue. I said I would get this out before the sequels launch; so here goes. 

Somehow; Ubaune wasn’t expecting Keita and Keizou to come rescue Jibanyan. Well, what did you think would happen if you didn’t kill them when you had the chance? You’re the most disappointing villain since The Rhino in The Amazing Spider-Man 2.

With roughly 35 minutes left; the final battle has begun. Come on, fuckstain, let’s go. 

Also, this discount Bewear is still hiding behind the stairs. Look, I gave up trying to question this crap a while ago. I’m just going to roll with it. 

Keizou tries to attack Ubaune directly, but Gin and Kin are playing tricks on him. Well that’s lame.

This goes on for another full minute before the battle resumes; and I’m starting to grasp why this movie’s runtime is so padded. If you cut all this nonsense; it would be considerably shorter. 

Whisper then pulls out what Nyada gave them; and instead of The Force, which is what the film calls it; I will instead go with the more factual term of Deus ex machina, which is the purpose it serves in this joke of a story.

It turns to this Deus ex machina is a hose; as Keita is disappointed to discover. Now he knows how I feel. 

A young man holding a long, flaccid object. That's not suspect at all!

True to its name; it proves its worth by having Gin and Kin’s clock reversal disabled by spraying water on it. Whatever, anything to help end this shit is fine by me right now.

Then, Ubaune quite literally farts out another monster for them to fight. Oh come on! This is just insulting now.

Since the bastard doesn’t seem to have a name, I shall refer to him as Discount Doomsday. At least BvS set up Lex reviving him as an insurance policy of sorts! What reason do I have to be invested more crap is being quite literally pulled out of their ass? 

So, Discount Doomsday starts wrecking up the factory as the main characters are powerless to do anything. Don’t worry, this will get even more anticlimactic as it goes on.

Finally, Keizou manifests his inner strength and stops Discount Doomsday! Well; that plot thread solved itself, how conveniently lame!

What’s more; he finally admits he was just pretending and was in over his head! OK, clearly this movie should have been more about Keizou. He may not be as big an idiot as his grandson, but at least he realizes what Keita doesn’t! Fucking Hell! 

So, Fuyunyan gives Keizou the prototype Yo-Kai Medals; and you probably know where this is headed.

They head to the roof, which more like a discount Midgar than ever. Shit.

They then demand everyone’s power; so this climax is basically become a discount Spirit Bomb invocation.

All the yokai come to help; and it turns out this was the catalyst needed to ensure the creation of the Yo-Kai Watch Type Zero. Well, that was convenient; and it sells the toy they wanted to; so let’s go make a difference. 

Wouldn’t you know it, Keita’s watch reappears on his wrist as well. Only 25 minutes left, so let’s shoop.

So, he’s able to summon Jibanyan and rescue him just in time. La-dee-fucking-da.

Of course, Jibanyan rightfully calls Keita out for forgetting about him. I wish I could; but I honestly don’t think there’s enough tequila in Mexico for me to black this out!

So, they summon all the yokai they can; including Genmashogun!

Another one is Rakutendo! 

So, everyone gets ready for the final battle! We’ve got 20 minutes left and this fight just keeps dragging on and on! I just want this to end already!

With each passing minute, I feel like all the yokai and Kaima just start to blur together. At the very least, I can tell the different Pokémon apart from one another. While the yokai designs stand out individually, together; it’s a total goddamn mess of colorful action.

Even Bushinyan apparently killing Gin, Kin and Dou cannot satisfy me. 

Yet, when Ubaune gets ready to finish them; Keita has Bakuroba possess her. Fine. sure, whatever.

Ubaune then comes clean that when she was a human, she was imprisoned for a crime she didn’t commit; which is what led to her hatred of humanity. So, in her rage, she ends up doing herself in by destroying her own lair. I would keep going about this anticlimax, but it makes the movie shorter, so I’ll just let it go. 

No, wait, it turns out she has another form; and it looks like one of those multi-headed demons from the post apocalyptic comedy This is The End, a much better movie. All right, let’s show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown! 

So, with a twinge over 15 minutes remaining; the movie has further devolved into a CGI whirlwind straight out of a video game.

Fuyunyan then suggests they combine their strength with the power of the watches. It’s clear to me now: they poured all the money into the animation, then used the scraps to make a story; somehow.

So, everyone combines their strength AGAIN for one final attack. Jeez, Jupiter Ascending wasn’t this redundant! 

With the power of all the yokai, their powers are combined into Darknyan.

And I thought my jokes were bad.

Then, Whisper and Jibanyan fuse into Buchinyan. Fine; let’s just end this fucking thing already!

So, Darknyan hurls Buchinyan into Ubaune’s maw; and he unleashes his Million Paws of Fury!

Now, we close on history being preserved; the day being saved and Keita returning to his own time. Well, doesn’t that beat all.

Even though this may not be the worst movie I’ve ever seen; there’s just a whole aura about the Yo-Kai Watch brand that just doesn’t click with me. I may have had my fair share of silly concepts that push products like Pokémon; Digimon, Yu-Gi-Oh, Beyblade and Monster Rancher; among others, but I can now officially say that this just wasn’t meant for me. Even if the game is slightly better than the anime, I still couldn’t get enough out of it to see it as “the next Pokémon;” to the point where I had no real problem trading it back in towards Sun and Moon (which even paid off my preorders, no less).

After all that I’ve said; if you plan on trying Bony Spirits and Fleshy Souls, I’m not going to stop you anymore. Personally, I plan on waiting for Pokémon Sun and Moon (both the games and the anime) and the planned Playstation 4 sequel to Ni No Kuni. It may be nonsense to me, but it’s your nonsense. So feel free to enjoy it. I’m probably not going to do any more of the series until after the movie is dubbed; but it will be among several pieces I want to do for Halloween next month! See you space cowboy!