Top 13 Worst Anime Openings

Well folks, I knew I couldn't end my current blog for the most part without this list. I've been meaning to do it for ages, and it's only right that almost five years after my favorite openings; I must look at the other side. I will include both dubbed and Japanese themes into this ranking, and some of my choices may or may not surprise you. So, let's open up the top 13 worst anime openings.

13. GI Joe: Sigma Six

As I have mentioned before, this is not a great GI Joe show to begin with; but this theme song was a red flag right out of the gate. This campy nu-metal sludge seems like it would be more at home at the infamous '90s GI Joe Extreme line. I never had those growing up (more of a Star Wars/Beast Wars/Pokémon guy for action figures at that age), but they got mocked in a Robot Chicken sketch that makes me want one for this plasticky modern rock.

Bottom line, it's a terrible theme song to a terrible series; but it's only the lead entry, so I must quickly remind myself of a better fusion of patriotic fervor and brand synergy before I move on.

12. Digimon Frontier (US Intro)

I never really did find any parts of Digimon Frontier to sustain a full recap or a "13 Things Wrong With" list, but I can say that the theme song is the one thing I can criticize in the amount of time I have left in 2018. After the dub themes for both seasons of Adventure and Tamers, this felt less likely to draw me in whenever it was on as a kid. It looked and sounded as inoffensive as a show that was slightly less manufactured than the toys they were selling. The original theme (especially in the industrial metal remix for Tamers) sounded like it fit the cyberpunk elements of the franchise; this one felt like a Pepsi commercial in terms of execution. Technically fine, but not particularly memorable either.

11. Pokémon Chronicles (Dub Intro)

I never found another episode as bad to me as "Training Daze," but in any case, this is still my least favorite intro for the dub. I admit to liking the dub themes for Black and White and the Diamond and Pearl Rap (trust me, I have worse ones down the list), but this one is still the worst to me. In terms of look, sound and feel; it still comes off to me like the opening of a 1980s sitcom than a Pokémon spinoff. Really glad later ones like Origins and Generations have focused on orchestral arrangements of the games' music instead.

10. Naruto JP Intro 3

I have never really been more of a casual Naruto fan in my life; to the point where I never felt compelled to recap any of it. Sure, I at least know enough about it to understand it; but it's never really been my thing. I definitely don't hate it, but I can't say I like it as much as others. I can say that this third JP intro is a confused tonal mess that can't decide if it wants to be upbeat or emotional. Thankfully, the next opening is better; and I have more to say soon about that.

9. Yo-Kai Watch Disney XD Intro

Well, even as I am formally retired from recapping the series and planning my final decision about my retirement overall; I can still say that the series definitely hasn't reached the same heights as it did in its homeland. While the reasons are still being debated why, this dub theme definitely didn't help matters. While Jeff "Swampy" Marsh may have proven his worth with his credits on Rocko's Modern Life, Phineas and Ferb and Milo Murphy's Law, this theme did little to draw people into the series and stands as a commonly-cited example of what the localization team got wrong. Thankfully, the upcoming release of Yo-Kai Watch 3 will be a straighter translation of the Japanese intro; which is what they should have kept doing all along. The dubbed version of the "Laugh out Loud" intro may not have been great, but at least it was tonally consistent with the original. If Shadowside and Yo-Kai Watch 4 are ever localized, they should just market those as a soft reboot like they're planning to do with Inazuma Eleven Ares.

8. Dragon Ball Z Uncut Intro

While dub themes for Dragon Ball have been hit or miss, this is another piece of nu-metal noise that sounds like a 12-year-old trying way too hard to sound hardcore. What's worse is that most of it is not only drowning out the audio, but the visuals are barely recognizable through a blurred, blood-red filter that makes the whole thing come off more like a low-grade Creed AMV than an official dub intro. Just look and listen, and you'll understand why I'm glad later dubs like Kai and the dub of Super went with straighter translations of the Japanese themes or straight up using them outright.

7. Yu-Gi-Oh GX 4Kids Intro

This was not a great start to Yu-Gi-Oh's spinoff anime, but this dub theme didn't help matter. I know many have pointed this out before me, but the tune seems derivative of "Dammit" by Blink-182. Just replace the lyrics about failed relationships and violent breakups with friendship and card games and you've got it.


6. Pilot Candidate Intro

Yes, not even purely orchestral themes are off-limits here: while I usually applaud the decision to use as much of the original score as you can; sometimes I have to wonder if it's worth the effort. This is easily the most forgettable space opera intro I've ever heard from an anime that's already terrible, and it still sounds like you're banging a record of Strauss on a Star Trek: The Next Generation pinball machine.

5. Transformers Cybertron Rap theme

Now we're getting to the realm of terrible rap openings, written most likely by a bunch of middle-aged white execs who don't understand anything about rap. This is easily the opposite problem of Energon for me: it's actually a decent anime with a terrible dub intro; and my antidote is usually to listen to a good rap song. Think Jay-Z sounds good this time.

4. 4Kids One Piece

Exhibit B of the previous entry of "rap openings written by middle-aged white execs," this was on top of the original pilot actually having a translation of the "We Are" opening (which Funimation wasted no time in using for their dub). This is a big example of why the series is just now getting some of the attention it deserves; and this, along with the 4Kids dub overall is only remembered because people online want to have it keelhauled, which suits me just fine. I think the Rifftrax of Cool As Ice put it best: "Yeah, you're real shocking: I'm gonna go sing along with Straight Outta Compton while I vacuum, even the N-words, 'kay?"

3. Beyblade Metal Fusion JP Intro

I have openly stated that I am really not a fan of newer versions of Beyblade; as the self-aware camp of the original has mostly fallen by the wayside in favor of playing the story tropes straight... in a show about spinning tops that fight. This piece of J-rock was the first of the modern Beyblade intros I heard, and it still couldn't make a more memorable intro than early-2000s "pop punk."

2. Rave Master Dub Intro

Though I never felt compelled to recap the anime, it's honestly a big example for me of how this show never really did anything for me when I was younger. The "Reel Big Fish" intro seemed less like it was meant for a high fantasy adventure and more like something that would play when you're trying to land a big catch in Sega Bass Fishing. Suffice to say, with the author moving onto the much more successful Fairy Tail (the initial run is just finishing up and there's plans for more content); the music also got better there too. Sorry fellas, but I'm just not a fan of this series, and banjos in fantasy anime intros don't really do it for me. Mandolins, maybe; lutes definitely, but not banjos.

1. Code Geass R2 JP Intro 2

Ever since I started doing these lists, ranking my choices has always been trickier for me than just selecting them. I've seen no shortage of disappointing intros in my life, but the hardest part has always been seeing where they fall rather than what to include. In this case, however, I knew what I would be listing on top ever since I started working on my final draft of this list. This intro is one of the things that made my work on Code Geass R2 so tedious, and it made me eager to finish it so Arceus willing; I will never have to deal with it again. Hopefully the remaster and R3 will rectify this issue (the latter was supposed to debut this year, but it keeps getting pushed back for reasons I have yet to fully determine); but this intro seemed more at home in a campy school romance than with Code Geass. At least the first JP intro for the season had some tonal consistency, but this to me is like putting ABBA to the opening of Watchmen: the pieces don't really go together.

I have been trying to work this list out for years, and I'm glad to finally have it done. Next time is my Top 13 Worst Anime Endings, so be ready for it. Later.